I have been with my fiancee for almost four years. We don't argue and we don't say mean things to each other or curse at each other. We are respectful to each other. We are very calm and get along great.
I've always heard from others that you have to scream and yell at each other and get in huge fights for it to be healthy, but that's not how we are and we are very much in love and very happy. We do get angry at each other and we frustrate each other, of course; we do live together so that's bound to happen. But we always work it out by talking it over and being honest with each other. We are going to be married in November of 2010.
People find it hard to believe that we get along so well, and we've been with each other practically every day since our first date. I was with a guy for two years before I met my fiancé; we fought all the time and I cried every day. I thought that's how relationships were supposed to be, but I was wrong. I just wanted to let people know that every relationship is different, and some people who have good relationships fight and argue all the time, but there are others out there who are also in good relationships who don't need the yelling and fighting to be happy.
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best of luck to you both :)
I agree. :) My boyfriend and I have never fought, and we've been together for seven months. Honestly I can't see us ever really fighting. I don't hold grudges and most of the things that upset people I just find amusing, as does he most of the time. And we're both perfectly happy. :)
I think you are bound to get frustrated or upset with your SO every once in awhile, as you said, and I agree with you that that doesn't have to lead to fighting or arguing. I admit, we are not one of those couples who has never fought, but... Well, we were fighting constantly for about three months, before that we never fought, and since then, we haven't fought..
And I hope it stays that way. :)
I agree! I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and we've never raised our voices against each other. We barely get into fights, and when we do it's never intense.
Fighting sucks.
Good for you for having a good relationship.
I agree with you too, probably best if you don't fight all the time, but all relationships are different, just whatever works.
My bf and I used to have silly arguments until we got tired and told each other so. since then we don't really have those arguments anymore and it's super!
ps. congratulations! ^^
Full heartidly agree.
I couldn't even imagine myself arguing with anyone (besides my mother). I'm just too spritely and chilled out to get angry. I'm just so happy and agreeable. When I do disagree, I always work things out while having a calm demeanor, see things from two angles, and aim somewhere for the middle if we can't come out on one side.
Amen! I agree with you completely. I still haven't really figured out why people say that arguing is good for a relationship.
It's refreshing to know that's possible.
@doLc3@xanga - Really? How often are you two together? Like, are you in dorm halls seeing each other every day, or is it that you see each other more sporadically? I find that amazing.
People just use "fighting is healthy" as justification for a crappy relationship.
I think it's healthy to disagree on some things, but unhealthy to argue about it. People tend to mess up the distinction there....
It's definitely possible that partners do not fight with each other. My opinion is that fighting sporadically is healthy, everyday is not. Unless you're dating yourself, there will be times when the other person annoys the crap out of you, and you just can't stay quiet anymore. I think it's healthy to duke it out once in awhile to get all the frustration out and then move on from there. It's not all black and white, fighting everyday and crying everyday is a big sign of a bad relationship. But one that is too peaceful tells me they're more like roommates or good friends rather than lovers. Where's the passion?
don't be so ridiculous. no one told you *you have to scream and yell at each other and get in huge fights for it to be healthy*
the thing is. most people fight not because the other person is so horrible but because of the struggles they deal with inside themselves. when two people that are very stressed. both dealing with money problems. and still trying to figure out how to deal with all the drama of daily life get together. they fight a lot. its taken out on the other person but if you were yourself happy. so many of the things you spend so much time fighting about wouldn't seem as horrible. you would let so many things slide. life is just stressful these days..
but what people are actually trying to tell you is. in a relationship. when some drama happens. and you fight about it. and you get through the fight. and figure out how to deal with this problem from now on you feel accomplished and you do feel closer. some drama does really actually tighten the bond.
I think what people mean by "Fighting is healthy" is that it's better to get things out in the open than have them all bottled up inside. At least when you're arguing, and I mean a fair argument, each person has a chance to get their point across and feel heard. Now, if you're arguing all the time and you don't feel like you're being heard then that's unhealthy.
That's beautiful! I hope to have a relationship like that one day. Congratulations on your wedding.
Congrats on ur wedding, best of luck and best of wishes to you both! :) but i agree, not all relationships include arguing and stuff. Me and my boyfriend have been together since new years this year and we don't exactly fight but if we do it's not to the point where we'll hold a grudge either. It complicated but we just can't stay mad at eachother the whole day.
Beautiful...There is hope...thank you for your post!
I know exactly what you mean. :)
Thank you so much for writing this!!!! :D
Good for you.
My fiancee and I are the same way! We've never really had any major arguments. Ok, we've had and still have our disagreements and such, but we talk them out and resolve fairly easily. I think that's what they mean by healthy fighting. I'm not saying couples should scream and carry on at each other, but disagreeing without the screaming with each other's point of views, ideals, etc. and talking them out is very healthy in relationships.
You're so lucky! I hope things won't be too harsh when you have your first fight. If ever, that is.
YES. Preach it. You speak the truth. This is refreshing.
I used to be in a relationship where the guy would constantly start arguing with me about just anything. Then he would tell me that it's actually healthy for us to fight/argue because it'll "bring us closer together."
NOT. i ended up breaking up with him because it became to severe for me to deal with.
Now I'm with someone who makes me happy and doesn't start any unnecessary shit. He respects me completely and we're closer everyday and we haven't had a big breakout since we started going out. We definitely don't need to fight to be "happy."
i agree! my boyfriend and i have been together for over a year and a half. not once have we gotten into a fight. we talk things out and express our feelings when we get frustrated. life is short; why waste it by fighting?