Saturday, 23 May 2009
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Want to Find The Right Person? Work on Yourself First
My friends are pretty good advice givers. I generally trust their opinions about everything from my latest Urban Outfitters purchase to where I'm going to spend my weekends. So when they repeatedly tell me, "If you want the right guy, you have to be the right girl," I believed it. Basically, that was their nice way of telling me that I needed to get my head on straight if I ever want to meet a guy who isn't a complete psycho.
Turns out my friends were right. Once upon a time when I was a psych major (for a week or two), and I came across a little term called the "matching hypothesis." Basically, this scientific term just means that people seek to develop relationships with people who are similar to them in not only attractiveness, but also attitudes and values about life and religion.
Now, I don't know about you, but I think that dating someone extremely similar to me would be BO-ring. I like guys who have something to teach me. However, I started to think about my past lovers. A lot of them had a similar build to myself, listened to the same genres of music, came from a similar family background, were politically liberal and disliked scary movies. Coincidence? I think not.
So thanks pals - you were right, again! If you want to attract a guy who is caring, faithful and open-minded -- work on yourself first.
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- From: misswalrus
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Comments (29)
Definitely true.
I think you're right, on one hand.
On the other hand, you'll change when you're with someone, anyway. Everyone does. Whether it's being nicer or getting up at 5:00AM to make bisquits, everyone changes some way. Don't change too much. Just be yourself.
"Once upon a time when I was a psych major (for a week or two)"
For some reason, that made me smile. How does that work? Did you like switch programs or something?
But yeah, I think what you said is absolutely right. If you want someone nice, you have to be nice yourself.
Best datingish post ever!
That's legit. My youth pastor long ago had the girls and the guys make a list of what they were looking for in the opposite sex. After we were done he switched the lists and told us to look at what the other had written and to be that.
Definitely true. After my first ex broke up with me, I spent 4 months repairing myself and fixing who I was. Since then I've had 3 girlfriends, and I am in love with my last ex (and she feels the same way still). It helps to fix who you are first, and make sure you're the right person for them, and not just that they're the right person for you. If you can make yourself into an ideal boyfriend or girlfriend, anything is possible when you meet that special someone.
:)
Just my two cents.
I agree completely, especially with the matching thing. At first I liked someone who was more different than me than anything. For example, I'm a moderately conservative mormon who dated a liberal non-religious guy. Needless to say. we really didn't have much in common other than our strong dislike of our german teacher. But after that relationship ended, I really did need to clean myself up and change myself first before getting into another relationship. Though it took me nearly a year, that time was absolutely necessary and now I'm with someone who I adore and could not imagine being without.
I agree. Even though it is kinda hard to find a really nice guy in this day and age.
Haha, "once upon a time." That was cute.
My psych teacher once told the class that, if we could, we'd all marry ourselves. I cringed in disgust at that mental picture, but I knew she was right - for me, at least. How could I ever get along with someone who would challenge my morals, beliefs? Maybe couples are different on the outside, but if they're right for each other, I think most of them are pretty similar on the inside.
I agree!
@storiesandsinker@xanga - Mhmm, she probably switch majors early on in her college career. Pretty common actually. I had a friend who switch majors like 6 times haha. He was a senior when I came in to college as a freshman and he was still there after I graduated!
This is so true.
This is very much true. ^_^ Thank you for posting this. :)
That's why it's nice to be similar in broad terms [mindset, attitude, demeanor] and be different in specific preferences [types of music, clothing, food].
So loving this philosophy! Guess I'll throw the "opposites attract" b/s out the window!
Most people want someone who is better than them in every way: looks, intelligence, friends, money and personality.
People don't want to meet their match; they want an upgrade.
So, so true. though I believe it's because we look for people similar. My boyfriend and I are so different. People literally laugh when they find out we're together because we're just so ... opposing.
Didn't bother to read any of the entry because the title is straight troof
@storiesandsinker@xanga - Yeah, I did switch my major early on. I went from Magazine Journalism to Psych to English in one semester!
To everyone else - I'm glad you're all enjoying this one! It's something I wholeheartedly believe in. Anyone ever heard that quote "You accept the love you think you deserve"? I think that's basically another way to sum it up!
Jelly really is a curious substance...
yeah, it's easier to be with someone who are similar to you I guess. Being with someone who's totally different is too difficult and harsh sometimes.
I think it's completely true that you need to be the right person to get the right person. I think my boyfriend is the best person ever, and although we're almost exactly alike in many ways we're different enough to keep it interesting. For example, we have different tastes in music but we both like what the other listens to.
He's awesome <3 <3 <3
I concur.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - i think it's more like you have to know who you are, what you stand for before you find someone else to share that with... not so much routine, y'know?
@PetiteNSweet87@xanga - http://www.scienceblog.com/cms/opposites-attract-how-genetics-influences-humans-choose-their-mates-21370.html