Friday, 22 May 2009
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Does Texting First Make It Harder to Talk in Person?
A couple weeks ago a totally weird, random thing happened to me. My little (and when I say little, I mean 20-year-old) brother celebrated his big two-oh at my parent's house. This meant we both invited over a bunch of our high school friends for a night of childish debauchery. However, I'm the kind of girl who sometimes takes a little while to warm up to people, so making small talk is not exactly my forte. So basically hometown parties for me equal standing around looking awkward and smiling and nodding a lot while people I haven't seen in years blab my ear off about what kind of car they drive and how many semesters they have left 'til graduation. But this time was a little different.
I (literally) ran into a guy I hadn't seen in years (since kindergarten when he came to my birthday party with a pink troll doll, actually - aww!). He was surprisingly witty - a little sarcastic but also charming. REALLY charming. In fact, about halfway through our conversation, I realized I was giggling like a little school girl at most everything he said and inching closer and closer to him on the couch. I was actually genuinely interested in what he had to say. And I was flirting with him!
So, even though this guy somewhat reminded me of my ex-BF - a relationship that ended SUPER sour - I couldn't help but find myself intrigued and somewhat attracted to him. Okay, his baby blues didn't hurt either. But anyway, at the end of the night we exchanged phone numbers and I went to bed elated. I was even happier a couple days later he wrote on my Facebook wall. A few days after that I practically died when he texted me...multiple times. I wasn't freaked out at all, which is unusual for me as my creep-o-meter is overly sensitive.
The texting continued for a few weeks and became a bit of a ritual - we started to have entire conversations via text. Not only were we texting our way through all that awkward small talk ("So when are you graduating?") but we also discussed deeper things like our exes and past bad habits. Although all this text-talk was interesting, I started to wonder if text was really how we should communicate. Especially when the texts didn't seem like a precursor to an eventual phone call.
Even so, we both genuinely want to make plans to see each other, but because we live 3 hours apart it hasn't been easy to coordinate schedules. However, this weekend I'm finally supposed to drive down and visit. But I'm nervous, ESPECIALLY because I'm a little shy, if all of our pre-hang out texting is gonna make it easier or harder for us to communicate in person? I feel like he knows a lot about me from our texts - but it's a little creepy to me that we've never had more than one real conversation. And I am a firm believer in the importance of face-to-face communication, especially when it comes to relationships. But the texting was easy - and got me really interested in him to begin with - so maybe it isn't such a bad thing after all?
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- From: misswalrus
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Comments (44)
hmmm hard to say. It may be a bit awkward at first, but if someone starts opening up and talking it will flow better.
I think texting makes it easier for people to communicate because they don't have to see each other face to face. So the emotions, feelings, etc aren't there.
It might be a bit awkward when you two meet up, but then again you have seen him before. Just warm up to him and tell him some jokes or something. If he isn't shy, they there shouldn't be any problems at all.
I think its actually easier you get a taste for their personality easier that way so you know what is safe to talk bout and what is not.
I think that some shy people are more attracted to texting, not that texting teaches people how to be shy.
When you mostly text, only the beginning will be awkward, as long as you're an outgoing person. Since you already know him via text, you'll be fine in person. I personally like meeting up because you can SEE him and just get to know each other a lot better- and even communicate better. My roommate has had problems when texting her boyfriend because something gets left out. It's good that you're going to hang out though :)
I was seeing a guy for two months and about a month in I realized that our only mode of conversation was text. We saw each other/hung out periodically, but after the first couple of dates we mostly hung out and watched movies/TV so not a lot of communication even when we were in person. He seemed like a genuine guy, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but it made it really easy for him to just phase me out without even having to tell me that he wasn't interested.
I would just warn you to be careful. Texts are really easy to misconstrue, and for me, in the end, it led to a lot of unnecessary drama and anxiety (that could have completely been avoided with a real conversation). Just be careful you don't end up the same way as I did.
in the buffet of communication...texting should be like the sidedish. don't make it a habit. you should try calling him up.
That's weird, because I'm talking to a guy via text (I've been for a week) that I don't even know. A friend gave me his number, and we've been talking all week- one night we talked for like 3 hours and I have never talked to a guy that long before- ever. Not even my ex! I am finally meeting him tonight & I'm a little nervous, but it should be ok. I checked with my friend and everything is true. He seems genuine.
I have never done anything like this before, so I have to go get ready now and eat something before I go out.
I don't think it is.
I've also run into this texting/computer only talking thing.I started talking to this one guy, but all we do is text and instant message.I want to talk to him on the phone, but since we have been using this technology for so long, I don't know if it will work. My advice is to start calling him and talking to him on the phone. See what that does and enjoy your visit in person with him. Good Luck!
Omg, do you watch How I Met Your Mother? This is exactly like one episode! The main character meets a girl and they exchange numbers, but his friends tell him not to call her for 3 days. To avoid the 3 day rule he texted her and over the course of several days, he fell in love with her through text.
Anyway, you guys should talk on the phone rather than texting, but see how your visit to his place goes. Good luck!
I'm really against txting, with a few cavaets: it's great for the occasional quick message (you're in traffic and gonna be late, etc) and (super-special cases) e.g. my boyfriend had a vocal cord operation and couldn't speak legibly over the phone for a while. Otherwise, txting can open the door to many problems: Acting out in a way that one cannot successfully pull-off in person, or Reading into another's personality wished for attributes! Either way, I believe a mostly-txt relationship is not a good thing.
I'm not a texter either but I like to chat. It may be a bit awkward at first, but if you find something to talk about, then the conversation will flow. Just like the first time you guys met, he talked and you laughed, that's not so bad. It takes time to warm-up to one another, so not be too stressed out about it. Just be yourself!
yeah because people don't act how they normally would in person. i like the awkwardness when two people first meet. when technology is added, it ruins the process.
wow, that was kind of like me. long story short. first talked to him thru aim, next day said hi. then for monhts & months we talked on aim. hooked up together on aim. broke up on aim. everything on aim almost. we only really hung out w/ eachother like 5 times. 2/5 iht was good. my point is, talking in person a couple times first, in my opinion is waaay better so you know what ihts like. (:
i agree that texting first make it harder to talk in person. it was so easy telling texting them but when it comes to meeting them in real life.. i'm kinda shy haha
I think that texting first is a very bad idea. I had a few relationships where all small talk was done on the internet or texting, so when we actually came face-to-face it was the mose awkward thing. I think texting should be done only after you're comfortable talking face-to-face, but that's just me.
ah, this post intrigued me becuase a similar thing has crossed my mind. honestly, it's great that you and him have been able to dicuss things on a deeper level and it ay be a little bit akward at first, but really, just relax and be yourself :]. it'll all flow from there.
In my last LDR, I and my girlfriend did just that. Texting and emailing were pretty much our choice of communicating. It wasn't hard meeting her face to face, it was nice actually :)
Well...I don't think you could base a relationship entirely off of texting...but then again, it depends on the people. If they're really social to begin with, then I think it's fine. But like two shy people who initially start off texting...I think it'd be awkward. It didn't end very well for two of my friends. ><
it just depends because to me, texting is so informal and when you actually talk face to face, it's so much nicer and better to see the other person's facial expressions. you may be a little nervous at first, but it's just better to have a conversation face to face.
try talkin gon the phone more
I may be biased considering I met my boyfriend online and while it wasn't texting, we chatted through e-mail before finally meeting in person. We didn't talk on the phone before hand and things went smoothly when we met.
I don't think it makes things awkward.
you are so wierd for texting entire convos together, but it if it works, then hey.
I had problems with that too.... except it was over instant messaging. Hrm... He and I were instant messaging every day for a good 4 months before we saw each other again and after the evening of our date, we realized we were better off being friends on the internet because we didn't have anything in common.. in person!