I'm tormented and torn apart. I feel anger but a strange kind of sadness.
For the past almost two months, I've been going out with a guy. He's the A mentioned in my posts earlier and the very same guy
with no dating etiquette. As previously stated, I did tell him we're really different in what we need and I did thought it was going to be over after that episode. He didn't give up, though. He called me and asked me out for dates yet again. Always a softie at heart, I said yes. A part of me told myself that
well, perhaps I should give it another shot since he's so persistent, he must have really liked me.
Since then, we've gone out two more times. The first time, he was behaving typically - that is, being egocentric - while the other time we hung out with his friends and he was so NORMAL. I've decided to give him a third chance, because right now it's 1:1. Today...is the third chance. And I'm just frustrated and lost, in me, in him and in everything happening between us.
He was ticked off with me today because I rescheduled our date - I had to help a friend to do something urgent. I was sort of offended by this, actually. My life doesn't really revolve around you and we're not exactly in a relationship (because all the elements I require are missing). I just pushed it to a later time and he had to accuse me of lowering the priority of our date and that it was important to him (wth?). Okay, fine. I'll bear with you.
But as the night progressed on, and I looked at him, thinking that something just isn't right between us, no matter how hard I tried to like him.
He just couldn't give me that loving, caring feeling I need in order to be completely committed to a person. When he sees me, there's no warm, loving feeling between us. He ridicules things 95% of the time, thus I get little personal information about who he really is, which is actually very important to me. I need to talk about substantial things, like interests, family, experience, that sort of thing, and not just like...joking all the time. I feel like I'm in a circus.
He's definitely not the gentle and sweet type; he's doesn't often ask me about me and it almost felt like he didn't care to find out who I am. He's super laid back and puts me down in his own joking way, which I do not appreciate. I'm so self conscious around him, it's living proof that I'm just not comfortable with giving him my emotions. There's no gentle how-are-yous and no soft murmuring of you-look-great-I-miss-yous.
He doesn't walk me to the station, but I expected something different today. We were having this whole discussion about me not being right for him, blah blah blah, 'cause he needs someone to appreciate his jokes and I'm just too serious for him after some pretty close (ahem) actions. He just said that of course I am (I don't see how really).
I stomped out of his house literally in the midst of the discussion at the end. He lazily got out of bed to see me off....to his door while I'm fuming away. He asked for a goodbye kiss (yeah, like I'm gonna give it to you) at the door and I was already walking away saying NO. I heard the door shut behind me and was bursting with anger. What kind of guy does that? If he really f-ing cares, shouldn't he be at least chasing after me to see what's up? Or at least give me a call or something, right? He f-ing fell asleep. I knew because I was the one calling him up and he wasn't picking up, a sign that he's fast asleep. I'm on fire, burning with rage. He does not know how to treat a girl.
But now, about two hours after that happened, I had a strange sad sensation inside me. Something I cannot explain. He's perfect for a friend, but not boyfriend material. I ultimately believe his character is good and he's a nice person. He somehow made his presence in my life recently and I don't want things to turn ugly between us. Should I just say it to his face about all the things I want and don't want and then wait a bit to see if things changed (cause i never really tell him that)? Or should I just give up already?
I'm really more inclined on giving up. I think I can do better than this. But, some opinions will definitely help.
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Comments (31)
I think you're right: let go, you can definitely do better.
Give. It. Up. Find a guy who can treat you like you deserve to be treated!!
what? you're actually seeing this guy from the "no-etiquette" post?!
enough said.
lol you're getting way caught up in your own fantasies girl.
You keep thinking he's this magical guy who's nice but what has he done to show it? You're being clingy and you're pestering him about traits that are totally part of his personality and you're mad at him for acting the way he does normally?
Do both of yourselves a favor and just end it. Nobody is happy here.
Here's an idea: how about just saying why you're mad instead of waiting for him to chase Hollywood-style after you.
If he's not what you want (evident from the first post you made) then why are you wasting your time?
Well from what you're writing, it doesn't seem as though you like him as a boyfriend. I don't think you'd want to date a friend, so I think you're fine just being friends. Some people don't change, and all you can do is wish them well and go on your way ;)
Dude. Stop wasting your time. This guy sucks. But even more importantly, every complaint you wrote about him is completely irrelevant, and here's why:
YOU DON'T LIKE HIM. You specifically said: "something just isn't right between us, no matter how hard I tried to like him."
You cannot make yourself like someone. It simply isn't possible, and it really isn't worth it. And if you really have feelings for the person, you don't have to make yourself--it just happens. They say you can't help who you love...well, I say you can't help who you don't. If you don't like him, don't date him. End of story.
i'm currently in a relationship where it feels like i'm beig nothing but a push over. I've been cheated on, my SO still has some feelings for her ex, I'm constnatly whipped, and tells me when she fucks up the relationship and guiltrips me into still accepting her. WHy do i still do it? it's because I love her till no end. I just want her to be happy. Do what yo think is right but no person should go through this shitt period. unless your an idiot like me.
It sounds like you want to give him another chance. Still, do you really think he'll change? I do recommend talking to him just to clear the air and, if anything, get that closure. I think that if you already think he's not boyfriend material, and he's struck out three lucky times, then it's just not the relationship for you - at least, not at this moment. Maybe with time, he'll come around, but I think it'd be best for you to keep your options open and to be wary of his actions. Good luck!
From everything you've written above, it looks like you've already made your choice. You seem super frustrated with him and he doesn't make you happy. It's not worth the frustration.
Do you see any hope with him? A future? If not, then get riddd of him.
Move on becuase their is no connection on this level, just a waste of time. You will regret it.
You're only two months in. Let go before it gets worse.
I don't even think he's good friend material at all! There's too much crap for you to go through if he's taking you as a joke all the time. He's not worth your time.
I don't think it should be so difficult to like someone and if he's not putting in appropriate effort to even treat you right, there's no chance of any connection - whether natural or artificially forced.
He sounds like a loser. Why are you trying to force yourself to like him? He doesn't sound worth your time at all. From your post, it sounds like you already made your decision. Find someone you really like and likes you back, and also treats you the way you deserve.
Give it up. you can do much better. that sad and lost feeling is just temporary. You can find some one who will love you for you and won't put you down because of their own insecurities. He's a class one asshole.
Forget about him, dear. He's not worth your time and frustration. :\ From the way you describe him, you're upset because he's not fulfilling what you truly desire in a potential boyfriend.
Just move on from him and find someone who is actually worth your time.
Best of luck.
Girl, don't torture yourself!
i think you gave yourself the best answer already, if you're feeling this feeling, you yourself know better than anyone else that it's not working out anymore. sometimes you have to just let it go to understand it.
Run away, don't stop, and never look back.
This guy and your scenario sounds almost exactly like an ex I was with for 2+ years. The only difference was my ex was persistent and would be the one to chase after me after a heated "discussion."
Please, please save yourself the stress, heartache, aggravation, etc. Don't mistake the drama for passion. Don't fall into the pattern of "yea, we have our problems but I love him so I'll try to stick it out" when you know your ideals are fundamentally different.
If he's not the person you want or need him to be now, he never will. I made that mistake, and of course you're free to yourself, but just take this as a warning. It'll be a long, tedious, unnecessarily stressful road just to lead you in a circle--back where you started, realizing that he's not the right guy for you.
Now, don’t get me wrong—I know its cliché but I’m not your typical girl. Before that ex(he happened to be my first long-term relationship/love), I was never the relationship type. I wasn’t with him just to date or cause I didn’t want to be alone or any of that sh--. I actually told him I wasn’t into it and I’m happy by myself, with myself but he was persistent.
Don’t mistake their persistency as a sign of how much they “care.” Guys like that are just egocentric, the more you push them away and say they’re not right for you or don’t fit your standards, the harder you are to get, in their mind, and accordingly, the more they’d want you. It’s nothing but a game.
No... he sounds like he could turn in to an abusive guy. Criticizing things you do? Being so self-centered he can't ask you about you? Why are you trying to put up with this one way relationship? It's not worth the hassle. Listen... my ex broke up with me over and over again, and he sounds kind of similar to this guy. After the last time, I really started searching around for something better. And I have. This guy opens doors for me, gets along with my parents, surprises me with little things, makes me laugh, loves me for who i am, and loves on me. He's also incredibly romantic. You too can find this, you just have to stop looking for assholes. If you get a bad feeling about a guy, then stick with it. There's a million guys out there, and you can find one who will do right by you. Good luck!
if a man loves you, I don't think it's much trouble to at least walk you to his door.
otherwise, maybe it's the convenience of the *ehem* physical things he likes.
leaving someone is always sad. There's always gonna be a lonely-losing-something kinda feeling governing any break-up no matter how determined one is to end a relationship.
the best thing to do is if you know he's not making you happy, leave. Leave now. Otherwise you'll just keep living in this cycle of disappointment and sadness and you'll never get to really move on to something better. You'll be stuck.
so go on, take that step and walk out that door.
i can't stand him already and i don't even have to put up with that.
i had a guy like this. no effort. nothing. it was emotionally damaging to be on the receiving end and you end up compromising to suit them. don't do it. you get hurt and try to change them
you've done the right thing already. i think you know what to do.
if you have to pick apart what he should be doing already in the first few dates, then it's not going to get any better.
when he grows up and stops using sarcasm as a way to deflect his social retard state, then maybe he'll be ready. sounds like a typical teenager to me
good luck in the future.
Attraction cannot be forced. Why would you want to be with a guy like that anyway? You're wasting your time. Friendships and relationships require BOTH sides to put in the effort...he seems like neither.
you can do better. i know of a guy that is like that. and omg. i could do so much better than him. so i did. and i was glad. you should too.