Friday, 22 May 2009

• Application For Permission To Date My Daughter

  So a while ago I read this on someone else's site a while ago, and I wanted to add my own commentary to it.
  

  
  Application for Permission to Date My Daughter:
  
  Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
  
  Name, Date of Birth, Height, Weight, IQ, GPA, Social Security #, Drivers License #, Boy Scout Rank and Badges, Home Address, City/State, Zip
  Do you have parents? Is one male and one female? If not, explain:
  Number of years they have been married. If less than your age, explain:
  Accessories Section: Do you own a van? A truck with oversized tires? A waterbed?  pickup with a mattress in the back? A tattoo? Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?
  (If you have answered "yes" to any of the above, discontinue application and leave premises immediately.  I suggest running.)
  
  Essay sections: In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
  In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
  in 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
  
  References sections: Church you attend? How often?
  Short-answer section: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
  A woman's place is in the:
  The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
  What do you want to do IF you grow up?
  When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
  What is the current going rate of a hotel room?
  
  Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing.  You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.  Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury).  If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (You might want to watch your back).
  
  Yeah. Funny stuff, right?
  
  And then you get the crazy parents who actually want to use something like this on their children.  (I know this particular "application" says daughter, but let's assume that some people are just as overprotective of their sons as well... just to be fair to both sexes and all.)
  
  Okay, here's the deal.
  
  Maybe some children are obedient little brainless sheep with no willpower of their own, and they'll actually listen to their parents when told, "You're not allowed to have a crush on that person." I'm willing to concede that. But guess what? Most of us - meaning, this current generation of teenagers interested in dating - are not. We are a generation of rebellion and ingratitude and the material - and we are also one that prefers to learn from our own experiences and mistakes, not mommy or daddy's tales of "back in my day."
  
  So yes, if the parents happen to decide that they don't want Susie dating Bill because Bill comes from a poorer family than them, the parents should expect to be called "controlling assholes," they should expect to be screamed at, and they should expect to be hated. Because no, what the parents consider best for their child is not always actually best for their child...so how about allowing some actual room for that particular child to have personal learning and growth in order to find out what truly is best? This is highly important, especially in regards to matters of love.
  
  Basically? The only reason the parents can tell their child not to date someone is if they know for a fact that that person is an escaped convict.
  
  Otherwise, they need to get over it - just because the person has a pierced eyebrow or is of a different religion or skin color than the parents does not make him/her somehow inferior, and it certainly doesn't automatically make him/her a bad dating choice - other factors do (and those factors can even be present in wealthy, straight A, supposedly good Christian white boys).
  
  And they better not even try spewing that one unoriginal (and mostly unintelligent) line that most of us have heard at least once in our lives: "It's just a silly teenage crush and you'll get over him/her soon enough, so I forbid you to date him/her."
  
  Shut up.
  
  That's just more cause for us to hate the parents. We are not idiots. We know how we feel - and yes, maybe this blossoming emotion inside our hearts will one day disappear as it has in the marriage of the parents. But until then, we are going to act on it, and maybe when it does disappear what will remain is the same commitment, as in marriage, that the parents have. (Besides, even the relationship of the parents most likely started out as a simple crush.)
  
  This "application" is obviously hilarious. That's because it's a JOKE. But then one realizes that there are actually people who want to be this cruel to their children.
  
  And that's fucked up.
  
  [/rant]
  

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