Miss OstrichMy boyfriend and I love to joke around with each other. We sarcastically call each other bum and butt-head/face/butt (yup, butt-butt). It's all in jest and a great way to just be silly together once in awhile.
Yesterday, however, he took a joke too far.
I parked in an empty lot across the street from a friend's house we were visiting. He asked why I didn't park at the curb directly in front of the house. I responded, "Fatty can't walk across the street?" He laughed.
He responded by pointing out a very embarrassing thing that happened to me in the past (which I won't be sharing, sorry) involving my weight that he knew I didn't want to reminded of. Then he laughed again.
I did not. He apologized right away, but his remark still really hurt. There was no reason for him to bring it up. He is extremely fit, so calling him "fatty" did not merit a harsh retaliation. He knew it would hurt and said it anyway.
I have to admit I've done this, too. An ex of mine cheated on me, and though we continued dating, I brought up what he had done once in awhile when I was angry with the intention of making him feel terrible. It's a mean thing to do, but I think everyone does it sometimes during an argument with an SO without fully thinking it out first.
Have you ever taken a joke too far with an SO or vice versa? Have you ever brought up something to intentionally hurt your SO during an argument?
Comments (43)
Sometimes you say things before you really think them through.
He DID apologize. What else can he do?
Words are like weapons, they wound sometimes.
I'm guilty of bringing up past events...in arguments with my wife. (yeah, i'm a total loser here.)
There's one comment I made to her...it really hurt her...that she still reminds me of.
Silence or foot-in-mouth. Lose-lose.
Personally, I would break up with you at that point. I wouldn't want to date girls who don't have a since of humor. Or the confidence in themselves to let go of the past and be able to laugh about it.
ps third
I would be pretty offended too if my bf said that to me. There were a few times where my ex took a joke or two too far, but so did I. We apologized, tried to make the other feel better.., etc. Wasn't such a big deal unless he touched on one touchy subject (which he didnt).
I think it's only a big deal when the person crosses the line and doesn't apologize after seeing that it bothers you.
When people say something with an intent to hurt, it's not a joke, it's malicious. Your boyfriend probably thought it was cute to say something to you about weight since you called him fatty but that a a dumb move. He did apologize so I would try to forgive him after a while if it wasnt too major.
You can't expect your boyfriend to be perfect. You can't expect anyone to be perfect.
Everyone makes mistakes; it's normal. And like other people have said, your boyfriend apologized immediately once he saw that the comment bothered you. That, alone, lets me know your boyfriend is a decent person. At least he didn't respond in a snide way and commented on how you need to calm down or something.
What do you expect him to do? Build a time machine so he can travel back in time to prevent himself from saying what he did?
And yes, people have gone too far with jokes, and I, myself, have gone too far. But we would apologize to the other party, and move on with life.
people say dumb things out of angry. the worse is if someone brings up past mistakes that were applogized for and efforts were being to fix sed mistakes.
there will always be those things that your other half (or you) have said that will always sting, no matter how long ago it was or what was done to appologize.
AVOID THE THINGS THAT HURT THE MOST AT ALL COSTS! Bite your tongue. and that will make you both happier.
My fiance and I actually have a lot of arguments and fights about this.
I think I'd be the one who takes joking and stuff too far and possibly create the arguments, but when we actually start arguing, he will intentionally say the harshest things he can think up with the sole intent to hurt me while I always think before I say something like that because I just want to talk it out and NOT hurt him. But we're both working on our problems and I think it's getting better.My boyfriend accidentally says stupid things, because he ACTUALLY doesn't think before he speaks sometimes. It is annoying, but I know he doesn't mean it.
If he said sorry right away he really didn't mean it, and if he's with you he likes you. Don't worry about it.
When I was dating my ex, there was one time that she asked (her
words, word-for-word) for my "honest opinion" of a dress that she had
recently gotten. (It was HORRIBLE! I've seen better looking shower
curtains.)
I told her that I didn't like it. She got hurt. (I'm
talking apparently this dress was some reminder of her long-gone
childhood and I'd just squashed her inner child hurt.) Of course I
felt like a jerk. (Hell, I thought I was judging a dress, not her.)
She ignored me for the next couple weeks over this.
When we spoke
again, I apologized up and down (probably more than I should have),
explained that I just didn't like the particular look of that
particular dress (although she swore she'd never wear a dress around me
again...), and things seemed to be fine.
Until one day, we're
driving across town in my car, and she brings it up, thinking it's
going to be funny to pick on me about it. She notices that I'm hurt by
it, and stops.
Then she does it again a month later.
And again a couple weeks after that.
He has hurt me sometimes when we were joking, except he didn't know that he hurt meeee. When we argue though, there are some things that just slip out but both of us know that it happens and we don't mean it.
We all need to think before we act haha
Sometimes I take a joke too far, but my jokes are usually offensive, not emotionally hurtful.
So when someone doesn't like it I usually get BURNED. lol
And yes, people have taken jokes too far with me too. It sucks and I always want to cry afterwords.
he didnt say it. he grabbed it.... eh. im chubby. he's pretty fit. he says it doesnt bother him, but what the heck.... i hit him constantly til im not mad at him.
What if he doesn't find himself fit?
Things only get shot back when someone triggers it.You need to watch what you say as well. He said sorry, now get passed it.This is why you never call anyone fat, ever.
I get enough of the "fat" comments from my family, and my boyfriend knows that it hurts me so he'll never call me 'fat'. I ask him enough if I'm fat, to which he says "no .. you're perfect/fine." He hardly ever makes bad jokes ...
Once, I said "aw you're such a good boyfriend" and he responded with "and you're such a bad girlfriend."
That made me angry.
Another time, his friend bought me a large cup of tapioca, and I jokingly said "haha he spoils me more than you" and he got very mad. So yeahh
As long as he apologized and it doesn't become a reoccuring thing, just relax and move on. However, if he continues with it, then reconsider the relationship.
I'm like your bf, in a way. I remember a time or two that I joked with my bf, who's a bit larger than me (I'm skinny, 130 lbs, him 210), and I made a joke about his weight, and he got quiet, and later I found out he was hurt by it. I promised not to do it again, but if your bf's like me, he sometimes forgets to be considerate every so often. Doesn't happen often, but yeah.
I'm a jokester, but pretty much if I say anything that might seem offensive, I kinda say "yeah that didn't sound good, sorry", or something like that. I usually know what is too far and what is okay.
Some people, however can tend to hurt my feelings without meaning to. I just try to let it go unless it really hurt. Usually its okay though, my boyfriend and I joke around ALL the time and so we know what hurts and what doesn't :)
Feels like the older you get, the less these things seem to bother couples. I've noticed that the more self-confident you are, the less likely you are to be hurt by a "joke taken too far." At most, I just get annoyed.
My SO and I are suprisingly good about knowing where to draw the line with joking around because we grew up together as kids and we know what really hurts the other one and why which is key to knowing when to stop the jokes. But I did have some guy friends in high school who used to make rape jokes where were aweful and I swear to god I almost killed them on behalf of a friend of mine.
If you joke around a lot, you have to accept that sometimes the jokes get too inappropriate. I make fun of him by calling him an old man because we have a large age gap. He makes fun of me by connecting me with something child-like.
Well... he did apologize. And, if it's all in fun, sometimes, things go too far unintentionally. At least he has enough sensitivity to recognize that he crossed the line and apologize for it. A lot of people (not just guys) don't. Get over it, and try to move on.
Don't be selfish. You don't know how many times your joke gets too far for him as well.. and he might just keep it inside for now.
That was an innocent reflex comment. It wasn't meant to hurt you, and I bet it never happens ever again.
I think you should also address that sensitive weight issue from your past. It's making you vulnerable and defensive.