Thursday, 21 May 2009

  • I'm Gay And My Bi Boyfriend Is Confused

    I am gay and my boyfriend is bi. Mostly things are really good between us, but sometimes he says that he misses being with girls and gets really moody and distant. I don't know what to do. I feel really awful about this - he knows I do - but he says he is just being honest and hates making me feel bad.

    He says that he feels more comfortable being with girls. I don't know if I should end things between us or if he will grow to feel more comfortable about being with a guy, as this is his first real relationship with a guy.

    We are both really straight acting and sometimes it feels more like we are just good mates, but other times we are more like a couple.

    I really want to work things out. Should I try and help him through this or should I let him sort it out on his own? 

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Comments (29)

  • gatorgirl54@xanga

    That kind of sucks...and is confusing. I would help but I'm lucky enough to have dated two straight guys and had to only worry about them when they were with girls.

    Ask any of your bisexual friends what they think if you have any?
  • kyleberg29@xanga

    Does he want to end things and be with a girl? I would make sure he is committed to you and the relationship before it goes further. Better to find out now than later when the relationship has gone on for a while and is more serious.
  • GaMeGurLsH@xanga

    If I were in your shoes and my partner was confused, I would have him think about what he wants before you two commit to a serious relationship. It'll hurt more later on if you find out he wants to end things because he's finally decided he's more comfortable being with girls. On a side note, if he was really into YOU, he wouldn't want to think about otherwise, men or women.
  • Sugarling@xanga

    That sucks a lot. I'm sorry. But this is something he needs to figure out on his own.
  • MangoWOW@xanga

    Well it depends how long this has been going on.
    I suggest asking him if he wants to break it off and try out being with a girl again. A relationship only works when both people want to be in it, if one of you is getting antsy its best to break it off as smoothly as possible.
  • UnopenedSuitcases@xanga

    i think you should give him some time and space for him to figure it out himself.

  • insert_label_here_003@xanga

    This sounds like a situation I would get myself in = ( I think this is one of those things he's going to have to figure out himself. You attempting to help him out might indirectly put ideas in his head of what he really wants. Give him time to figure it out.
    Best of luck = D
  • nimbusthedragon@xanga

    I don't really have any experience with first-time gay experiences honestly so I apologize for the necessity to take my opinion with a grain of salt, but nevertheless it sounds like something that he really needs to reflect upon on his own, as much as I'm sure you'd want to help.


    Seems like there are issues he's gotta work through, but I'm sure he'll appreciate and love you for your support on the matter.


    Best of luck.

  • Amayahuu@xanga

    When people are confused about relationships, I think it is best to leave them alone.  If you pressure them they might just turn their back on you, which would be worse than the situation now.  Just give him some time, and I'm sure he'll come through =)


    Good luck!
  • mustardcat@xanga

    Ouch, that really sucks. He needs to figure this out on his own. Anything you may do or say might just pressure him and confuse him even more.


    Just remember to keep showing him the benefits of being with you if you want him to stay!
  • anonymous

    I think he needs to figure it out on his own. Whether that means space or a break up. Remember, you can't change a person. Think of the possibility that he will leave and not be phased by the break up because he wants to be with a girl. :(
  • anonymous

    I'm a girl and I have had this problem. As hard as it is, you need to talk about the situation and let him know that you care about him but that you want to make sure that you're in this relationship together, that it is what he really wants. After he knows your side just let him be so he can think it over himself. It can be a very hard choice.. I was in his shoes once.. and I have been in yours as well. The end result may not be what you're wishing for, but maybe he also needs the push to be open with his sexuality. If he is just not comfortable yet with the idea of dating a guy, is it just being open about it that's bothering him? Or is it actualy dating a guy that is bothering him? It sounds to me like he needs time to come to grips with his sexual preferances before being in a relationship.


    Sorry I just wrote a novel. I hope it all works out. <3
  • XxRainyxMondayxX@xanga

    that's just something he needs to figure out on his own.  it sucks for you though.  best of luck to you both.
  • HerSelflessWish@xanga

    In all honesty, i think its his choice to end it with you or not over it, but yet him know you just want whats best for him and you want him to tell you what he's thinking no matter what. I think curiousity is a dangerous thing and it could lead him to cheating if he misses it enough. Eventhough it sucks to hear this, maybe he just needs to be on his own and with different people male or female to realize who he's into most. Then, if he finds it's you he really wants, you two can really be happy without any doubts on both sides from then on.

    Or, maybe this is just a time of confusion, and it could blow over.  Whatever it may be, i wish you best.
  • underworld_chick6494@xanga

    u might just want to let him sort this out on his own
  • JessicaTrannn@xanga

    My advice; do whatever makes HIM happy.
  • rebelmug@xanga

    I've been in a similar situation but I agree with a few of the other statments:


    1) Find out what part of being in a relationship (with a girl/you) makes him uncomfortable/comfortable. It really could be the fear of judgement that he wouldn't get with being hetero.


    2) You can't force attraction, but you can support the one you love. Let him call the shots, but keep yourself from getting hurt.


    3) Sometimes the hardest part of acceptance is the fiercest denial. I had it. Reeeaally badly. It's not your fault, but he may just need time to deal with it. He should probably analyze why he wants to be with a girl rather than with you. Sometimes it's just the way attraction works - I was in hetero relationships before I understood that I was waiting to live the '1 wife, 1 husband 3 children' dream - and that it really wasn't going to happen because there was nothing attracting me to the opposite sex.
  • nicolemcw@xanga

    you are his college experiment. ;) 

    sounds like he's going to turn straight in no time, sorry to say. =[
  • doLc3@xanga

    I think he'll of course miss being with girls. And even miss being with other guys. You may even miss being able to flirt with other guys, right? This is what comes with committment. But sometimes that doesn't matter, because even though they may miss it, they'd still probably prefer to be with you than anyone else.
  • BoStOnIaNMoMmY@xanga

    thats why u should only date gay guys because they arent confused and they know what they want unlike bi gays. so i say end it with him and let him figure this out on his own because if u dont do this then u might end up hurt in the end. goodluck!!!!
  • dude_maxton@xanga

    help him through it
  • kidzandK9z@xanga

    I dont really feel that I am qualified to give any advice on this, having only to worry about my husband when he is around the ladies....I can say this though, it is hard enough to trust someone who only likes one sex, it would be painful to have to deal with a bisexual person! Good Luck, I hope you can figure out what to do soon!
  • turtletastic

    Give him time to think, but if it's a little bit awkward for him to see himself with a guy then it may just take time. I have two friends that are girls and they have been secretly going out for over a year now... Because religion, and her mom, etc told one of the friends that it was wrong and she just wasn't comfortable with herself... However, there was a lot of love and chemistry and they made it through, and I really don't know anyone who's more in love.
  • afterglow

    This literally just happened to a friend of mine today.

    I think that there is someone out there who will love you and appreciate you for you without question. I know you guys are close, but I feel like from what I've read, he needs to sort this on his own, and I think that if you get more involved, it might just confuse him more and hurt you further.

    I hope things turn out good for the both of you. If it's something that can be worked out, I hope you two are very happy together.
  • Forever_Unlimited@xanga

    Perhaps he was just bi-curious and experimenting. I suppose the result of that was to discover that he's more comfortable and attracted to women. It's definitely something he needs to explore further, by engaging in relationships with women to know for certain.

    Also, even if he is definitely bisexual, it's still very common that some of them still have a slight preference one way or another. 

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