Wednesday, 20 May 2009
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I Don't Want to Lose A Friendship to Jealousy
So here's the dilemma:Last night I was messaging one of my best friends; he has been making me guess his crush for a month. Our relationship obviously strengthened during that period of time. I was starting to really like him. He wasn't devastatingly good-looking, but we had a connection.
When he told me his crush, I didn't really know how to react. I wanted to be supportive and encouraging, but it was difficult. It wasn't the fact that his crush was an honorary member of the school's Barbie brigade that annoyed me (although that played a part). It was mainly because she had a huge reputation for breaking hearts (in the cruelest ways possible). I felt like screaming at him for being completely blind.
This isn't the first time this has happened to me. I've always been the best friend and I've always ended up getting hurt. I remember whenever he had problems with his current SO, we would be on the phone ranting continuously on how ugly she was (even if she wasn't) and how bad of a girlfriend she was to him. Then in school we would sit by the hallway waiting for her to come out of class and give her the glare. But his latest crush has been the main topic of every conversation.(it's either small alien men had come to replace him or he had been in a really bad accident and forgotten how big of a backstabbing snob she is).
I don’t want to lose this friendship to jealousy.
Enough said. I need some advice.
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- From: lipstick_mafia@xanga
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Comments (23)
If you like the guy, then tell him. Once you have breached the point in the relationship where you can view your friend's relationships only for their effect on you, then it is time to take the next step or move on.
Tell your best friend that you have feelings for him, maybe he's using her as a distraction object or something? It's better to tell him something & prevent him from getting hurt badly by that chick.
Well I think my question, rather than giving you advice on the situation is... why would you want to be with someone who called his girlfriends "ugly" and stuff whenever they got in a fight? Don't you think that maybe he might just do the same with you if you two were to ever get together and end up fighting?
He doesn't sound like too much of a catch himself. He calls his girlfriends ugly when they fight? That's pretty immature. He talks about them in a foul way behind their back due to disagreements, I guarantee that if you did get in a relationship with him - he'd do the same to you. It seems like he most likely plays the victim role in every argument in the relationship, too. Yeah, real catch there.
Okay, he has a crush on a jerk. Let him learn. That's all you can hope for is that he'll learn from it. From what you've said about his poor relationship maturity, I'd say you're way better off just being friends.
Tell him you have feelings for him, and let him know this girl is bad news. Advice given.
tell him you like him, if gets weirded out, then stop interacting with him in any way...then he'll realize what you really meant and how much you mean to him as well...
You can't be mad at him if you don't tell him you like him. Or if you don't step up as a friend and tell him what you really think of this girl.
just tell him if you have feelings for him!
The only thing you can do is to tell him, I think. Or stay by his side and watch him go out with other girls. :/ Just tell him your feelings!
:(
Well, i think that if he doesnt feel anything for you it might just be awkward if you told him.. like what is he going to do about it, force himself to like you back or ignore it? But if you feel like the two of you really have something i think that you should tell him that! and that you like him! and that current girl is not worth his time :D
Nothing you can do.
Honestly he sounds kinda immature and you should just get it over with and confess to him.
jealousy had a big part to play in the loss of a friend of mine more recently. not on my part. it was long outplayed drama. we will probably always talk but an actual friendship where we hang out and talk all the time will never exist again.
If you like him, tell him. The worst he can do is not reciprocate, and then at least you made the effort. Even if he doesn't reciprocate, don't you at least like the feeling of knowing where you two definitely stand instead of wondering for the rest of eternity, "What if...?"
But even if you don't, and believe me, I wouldn't blame you for not doing so, I don't see anything wrong with letting him know your concerns about his crush on this girl.
ohhh i sorta felt the same way, but I got over it, it hurts I know.
really the only thing left for you to do is support your friend even if it hurts you a lot to see him have a crush on a heartbreaker.
This is a sticky situation. If you want him to really realize his ineptitude about that girl, you could stand on the sidelines and watch him fail with her and then comfort him with a caring "I told you so". If you really like him and you want him to be with you, then intercept and tell him how you feel before he gets himself too infatuated with that banshee.
@pillowpixies@xanga - I'm his bestfriend and he is a total childish bastard sometimes, but thats why everyone loves him. He might rant about his girlfriend but it his way to release the anger.( his EX-es are real bitches) trust me.
P.S Its hard to say something that you've been hiding for the past month.
XOX,
Lipstick_mafia
This is why I don't believe in being best friends with a guy. Someone usually develops a crush on the other. Anyway, just tell him what you know about the other girl and leave him alone. He should make his own decision whether to pursue that crush or not. As for your feeling towards him, only reveal it if you think there's a chance for your two, if not, don' hang around too much and/or move along.
too late
Man, and I thought this only happened to the guys. =/
I think you should just really have a serious talk with him. Tell him you're worried he will get hurt, and remind him of how many times that girl has hurt the guys she's been with. Support him if he goes through with it, but make sure he knows he might get hurt.
mmmm,
the green monster. I've had this exact dilemma before, but I bet you a million bucks that you will end up together at one point or another. Trust me, patience is good for the soul. Oh ps, you're never going to get him if you aren't up front about it. Just say something like,I wish I wasn't so ugly and see how he responds. If you get an "you're not ugly, your beautiful" out of it, then step up to the plate and see how he feels about you. ? :) If you don't ever try and grab his heart, then you will receive nothing out of it.haha this just happened to me i told her and she didnt have the same feelings and it totally crushed me and are friendship was never the same so i had to call it quits but at least i told her and i dont regret it becuase even though i dont have her friendship anymore right now i know that she didnt feel the same and i dont have that what if feeling. So if you do tell or if you dont your friendship will change one way or another for the best or worse but whats worse not having his friendship or not knowing what could have been?