Monday, 18 May 2009
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When You Realize Your SO Isn't The One
I have been dating my first boyfriend for about two years, probably a bit more...and I'm starting to realize that he's not the person I want anymore.And sooner or later, I got to know him a lot more and decided that he didn't seem like the person for me. We would constantly fight about everything and things just weren't fun anymore.
The Beginning:
His idea of fun is smoking pot everyday or finding some way to "have a good time"...when we first started going out I didn't drink/smoke pot/do drugs. I eventually started to do it because I didn't want to be bored around him, and I got in sooo much trouble when I met him because of the pot/drinking. So we don't have common interests, plus we can't have a mature conversation. We basically don't even have that many conversations without my getting angry at him, because he is very racist, close-minded and immature. And he knows these things and won't try and work on them. I have wanted to break up with him soooo many times; even my family, friends, people at school have noticed that all we do is argue and have a bad relationship. The only good things are that he is caring and loyal.
But, I never left him.
The End (well it will be soon):
We have/had plans of moving in together and doing all this fun stuff together...but then again, he doesn't have a job, plus he is going to have to pay off DUI charges (it was for pot). So yeah, he is not realistic, AT ALL.
I moved an hour and a half away and now we are in a long-distance relationship; all we basically have is the phone and I only get to see him once a week.
Well, every time we talk on the phone all he says is, "It would be nice if I could see you more often," or he bashes my mom, or we just tell each other how much we "love each other" or we fight. Yeah, sounds like a great relationship huh? Oh, and get this - he says he wants to marry me. WTH! Yeah right dude! WE DON'T GET ALONG. Why would we get married?
I'm staying because I hope things will change..(yeah, a typical woman thinking she can change a man!) and because I really care for him and want to help him...but that's just stupid, I know.
Have any of you ever been with a BF/GF and knew that it was wrong but stayed anyway? What made you leave or stay?
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Comments (65)
Not that I read Datingish that much, but you post stuff and it's almost always the same story...
You should totally marry him and have a bunch of babies.
I haven't. But I'd imagine it'd be easiest for y'all to end things sooner than later :/
When I first met my fiance he sounded a lot like yours... lots of pot smoking/drinking/partying. But the difference is that he knew it bothered me so he stopped, even though I didn't ask him. If your boyfriend really loved and respected you he would stop doing that stupid stuff. Also, if he really think he's mature enough to move in with you and marry you, he should stop doing such immature stuff.
I say leave... sorryAnimal control made me leave.
that was how i was with my last bf. just leave.
um u should totally leave him.. i mean he is doing drugs and stuff??! and he probably isnt going to change :S
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - u got unblocked! yay! :)
@s_h_a_sha@xanga - Yay someone noticed! Thanks!
I think datingish and mancouch actually lost traffic when I got blocked.
sorry hun, things are not going to change.
or they might in the long long long run? but i think you should find someone that actually deserves you
:/ I think you should just break up with him.
Well, I think it was silly for you to try and change yourself so you wouldn't be bored around him. That was one of the first red flags, in my opinion. If you're bored around someone, that's who they are.. doubtful that it'll change.
The arguing, and all the other stuff, just makes it worse.
I've never been with someone to only realize they aren't the one, no. My boyfriend and I are honestly perfect for each other. Luckily. (:
I was with someone who I knew wasn't for me. I broke up with him after 6 months.
I'm not even sure why I stayed that long, honestly.
I think you should have realized this a while ago.
To be honest, I thought this post would be talking about people who've been together a while, loved each other, good FOR each other, but just not soul mates. But eh, I was getting ahead of myself there.
If you are already saying "the end," then you know the answer to this: just break it off.
The relationship I am in right now feels like yours, minus the fighting. We get along pretty well I think... but that's the thing with us. We seem more like buddies than lovers. We don't talk about "feelings" or anything like that.... it feels like im missing something. As well, our communication sucks. We only see each other twice a week (but that's only in class), after class we go our separate ways. He has work.. and I go home, or go to work... depends on my schedule. And while were apart, we dont talk to each other.
I guess I feel like I want to break up because it doesn't seem like he wants to make an effort to talk to me. So it seems like he doesn't want to talk to me at all. With that in mind, it makes me wonder who I am to him.. I guess.. haha. I stayed because we get along.. and besides the lack of communication, I think were good. I think it's something we can work together on... though if it doesn't work, then we weren't meant to be I suppose.
Goodluck breaking the news to him
thats the most ridiculous post i've read in a long time. your bf is a douche and you're an idiot for being with him.
@Miss_Nonfiction@xanga - I thought the same thing when I read the title.
Seriously, this guy sucks. I did the same thing once, and I ended it because he sucked. You've known from the start that this guy was not a keeper. Just leave.
i left a guy in the dust completely when i realized how much i couldn't be myself around him and how miserable he was making me and how i deserved someone who wouldn't tear me apart and leave me vulnerable... you can do this too, just push through your desires to believe things can get better, because you will be stuck there if you don't, walk away and make sure you have support systems (friends, family, community groups/school/church) in place to help you who are there to love you and help you move on in a positive way...
well you know that you're gonna leave so i'm not gonna say anything in that regards. I had a guy who would spoil me to no ends. That's good right? But I hate who I turned when I was around him. I was a total and complete bitch. and the relationship just hindered my growth as I grow to be an adult you know? So I had to let it go
Here is something you should keep in mind. You cant change someone that is not willing to change themselves. The problem we all have is that we always hope to change someone for the better. He may change one day when he is ready to but how long will you wait for that to happen. I think it is better for you to move on and find yourself a guy that can stand on their own and take care of themselves.
Rofl I was in a relationship like that, where we would fight on one moment, then we would be like, I love you the next moment. It was rather tiring. If the day wasn't happy, it was angry. Yeah, and we wanted to get married. rofl I wonder how well that would've worked out! No common interests, and now that I think about it, I adapted to his interests, so that I wouldn't feel so left out.
The relationship came to an end when I left for college. XDD I ended it, one of the main reasons being, I loost my feelings for him. It was unfortunate, because I had to break his heart, but I think it was all for a good cause in the end.
I realized that...I was eventually going to break up. If it's not one fight where you want to break up...it's going to be another fight where you will actually break up. Why prolong it? You're only going to end up in more pain the longer you wait. It hurts, but it's necessary.
I wasn't exactly dating him. I had been pining for him for quite some time, though I knew deep down things would never be like that for the both of us. He just wasn't that into me, but I had the foolish notion that someday, maybe someday things would turn around and my waiting would pay off. Obviously it didn't, and eventually what got me out of that funk was that I decided I wasn't waiting and the next person who was decent enough in my book was getting a shot, hence where I am at in my life right now--much happier.
to be honest - i think u both need to grow up and go ur separate ways. ur just adding fuel to the fire - put it out while u can.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - Wow...I've been out of the scene for awhile. What did you get blocked for?
I was with this girl for 2 years. I messed up. Neither of us were mature enough to do the work necessary to repairing the relationship. Also, in a dickish sort of way, I lost respect for her because she didn't leave me. Then a few months after my infidelity, a close friend asked me if I "could love [her]". Which I took as a indirect way of her telling me she loved me. I didn't flinch. It was very possible that I loved her. That was the catalyst I needed to break it off with the first girl. Despite the horrific, life changing events that occured with the second girl, I do not regret ending the first relationship.