Hey, all. I am not sure what to do with my dilemma so I thought I would ask you all. Almost a month ago, I met these really nice guys and we all started hanging out.
Two of them are actual blood brothers. We'll call the older one B and the younger one, J.
I hang out with B more than I do J, but the more B tells me and the more I get to know J myself, I click better with J dating-wise...even though B is closer to my age. We don't have a big age gap at all. I am 23, B is 22, and J is 21...if we're all old enough to go to the bars and in practically the same generation, I think that is good in my book.
The thing is, I haven't hung out with J in a while; I don't know what is going on with him. His Facebook statuses say he is dealing with ex drama or something (they broke up, like, four months ago) and I do understand he may be hanging out with his college buddies because it's one of their last days in town together...but how long should I wait anymore to hear back from him?
I have been trying to see if the guy would contact me now instead of me asking him to hang out; it's different if I just want to be friends only, though.
I hung out with B and our friends four days ago, though. Let me just say that I am definitely NOT using B to get to J. I like hanging out with both of them because they are so much fun to hang out with.
J and I have hung out two or three times; the last time I saw J was last Saturday (about a week ago) when I went to pick up B to hang out at their house.
I don't know if I should try to ask J to hang out anymore or to wait for him to ask me. It's not like I am even asking him to hang out one-on-one. I also ask when J is going to hang out with his brother's friends and me and his brother as well since I hang out with his bro more than I do him.
We have decided to get to know each other as friends first and he said he wouldn't be a douche about us hanging out because I have told him I've dealt with one too many a-holes and don't know what to believe anymore.
Has anyone ever been in this situation, if so, what did you do? Is it okay if I still hang out with his brother because I don't have a problem with his brother?
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Comments (24)
If you like both of them, but B is making time to be with you and J is not, screw J (not literally) and stick with B.
I'm just dying to know why you had to use the initials "BJ".
I'm a little confused, so did you actually date this J guy?
Otherwise, I don't see any problem with you hanging with or talking to his brother especially if you just wanna be friends. Unless you have a hidden agenda then there shouldn't be a problem with wanting to kick it with the boys.
ONE DAY? TWO DAYS MAX?
A GUY THAT WANTS TO MAKE A MOVE WONT WAIT.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - HAHAHA "BJ" XD
If he's dealing with an ex or whatever, you should definitely let him sort his feelings out with that first before even considering liking him.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - LOL I didn't notice that til you pointed it out.
He ain't that interested. Face it. Not being mean or anything. If I liked a girl I couldn't sinch that next date fast enough.
well, it sounds to me like you need to pick one ans stick with it, expecially if they are brothers. If you are starting things with j and really feel more for him than his brother, go for J; but honestly if you do, dont go after b if things dont work out. You might losse being friends with both of them.
You setting yourself for some major drama
The thing about most guys, is that if they want it, they'll go for it; ex-drama or not. If he was really into you, it wouldn't matter if these were his last days with his buddies - he would find time for you.
Sounds like the relationship will go nowhere fast. I'd move on.
@dear_TOMORROW@xanga - that is any guy without self control.
Some guys know that it'll drive a girl crazy if they wait more than 3 days. Of course they are running the risk of loosing her, but if she really wants him she'll be able to accept one more day. If not, then she wasn't worth it in the first place.
@xDark_horizonx@xanga - ITS PROBABLY IM CHINESE. I ALWAYS THINK THAT BOYS SHALL MAKE THE FIRST MOVE. WE NORMALLY ASSUME THAT BOYS ARE NOT INTERESTED IF THEY DONT DO ANYTHING WITHIN ONE OR TWO DAYS...
BUT I KNOW WHERE YOUR COMING FROM
Well, I stopped reading after the second paragraph.
I think you need to forget about waiting for whoever and just have fun. When they call back, it'll just be a nice surprise.
this blood brothers drama is asking for a jerry springer type of resentful brawl at the bar if both brothers end up liking you or you end up having feelings for both. I recommend to steer clear.
You shouldn't wait at all. Life is too short to wait for someone. Ask him to hang out. If he can't, he can't. If he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to. If you find out that he's not worth the time, move on.
i actually have been in the same situation.
what happened was that i liked the younger one but the older one liked me... i waited for a week on the younger one but still hung out with the older one... what happened was the younger one knew that the older one liked me so he backed off... and maybe if i had made things clearer then i would of been able to be with the younger one. but because of my lack of just saying what i thought and being shy i missed out and now i don't hang out with either one of them anymore. maybe you need to say something... if you like the older one and he's into you go with it! but if you just see the older one as a friend voice that and let it be known. and then let the younger one know that you're into him... and you would like to hang out if he's interested... if not there's nothing lost and ya'll can still be friends.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - I knew someone was going to point out the "BJ" part, lol.
Just ask the guy to hang out. There's nothing wrong with hanging out just as friends, I mean you do that with B anyways.
honestly, i think you're playing to fire, they're blood brothers, you could totally ruin their relationship as brothers, just be careful. i know you get a long with the other one, but they're also family.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - Obviously she loves BJs.
I'm a little confused by the way you put things... I'm going to assume you talked to J about dating him, and you've both expressed mutual interest in each other?
Okay, I understand that you might be offended that he hasn't called, but from what you says, he has lots of reasons to be busy, and if you were in the same situation, you would probably do the same thing. If you really want to hang out with him, just take the initative, and if you're confused about what he wants, then ask him straight up.
Waiting on a guy to call you when you haven't even told him to make plans with you is a little ridiculous. And if you've both expressed interest, then tell him you'd like him to ask you to hang out sometimes, too.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - That was the very first thing I noticed about this entry... Hahaha.
just admit it u like the attention. whoever is giving it to u your going with that person. j isnt giving u attention so b is the next option. be careful u might lose both brothers all together. oh and dont do nothing stupid like sleep with b and dont expect it to get around to his brother because it will. goodluck!
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - hahahaha good one...
STOP TORTURING YOURSELF.
If you want to hang out with J then call him up and ask. If you want to hang out with B then call him up and ask. If you want to hang out with both of them and you haven't heard from either of them, text them or call them.You aren't even DATING any of these guys; at this point, you guys are ALL FRIENDS, so why are you inducing DRAMA by trying to see if they'll call you? Guys are simpler than this. If they haven't heard from you, are curious about you, and want to hang out, they'll call. But if they don't, it's not because they're avoiding you. It's more likely because someone ELSE called them to hang out and they have other things to take care of. They are (probably) not trying to play games with you but simply you're creditting them for A LOT more than what's happening.IF they were your DATES I can see your dilemma. But they're your BUDDIES (J you're a bit interested of considering DATE material) but you have to tread carefully. Not all guys can date their "friends" so if either of these guys thik of you as one of the "boys" you mght be out of luck with BOTH.
JUST CALL! Quit being overly analytical and neurotic! Quit torturing yourself, really!! :) TEXT!!Â
j might be staying away so u can hang with b. either b's interested or he thinks u r. mebbe....