Monday, 18 May 2009
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Getting Over My Love for "The Man"
Only a sophomore in high school, I fell head over heels for "the man" at our school. He was a senior and I knew very little about him besides that he was a rather attractive, athletic, fairly smart, ridiculously popular guy. Long story short, he was in one of my classes - the only senior in a class full of sophomores. During the first week in school, he was alone (it didn't appear he knew anybody in that class) over in our "reading corner" (which is complete with a couch), so feeling flirty, I convinced my friend to play Mad Gab over there. Before sitting down, I asked him if he minded if we were there; he replied with "no, not at all" complete with this smile that I absolutely fell in love with instantly. My friend sat on an ottoman, and I sat on the floor with my back against the couch. He pushed the ottoman he was using over to me, and I fell in love.
Within that first week, I quickly became his favorite. He always saved me a spot next to him on the couch and opened doors for me. He always acknowledged me outside class with a "man-punch" or scaring me from behind. In class, he went out of his way to be near me. We held hands occasionally and were often physically close (much closer than two people needed to be even if they were seated next to eachother). He was out of my league (not overly, but noticeably) and I thought things were too good to be true. People in that class began to notice our "thing".
The closer I got to him, though, the less I was impressed. He drank. He smoked. He slept around. He cheated. He swore. Of course, I was rather naive (with the year almost over, I was just clued into his sleeping around habits - back seats of cars being his preferred place); he was "the man," after all. But I so desperately clung to that first guy who offered up the ottoman to me. So what did I do? I pushed. and pushed. I told him what an awful person he was, how he needed to change. At first, there was no change in our relationship. But one day he cracked.
"Why do you go out of your way to be near me? Leave." My cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Yeah, I had moved to be near him, but he had done it as well countless times before. So I was publically humilitated, but somewhere deep down I still believed he would apologize and make it all better. That the next day would be normal. It wasn't.
The worst was yet to come. Two girls (neither of whom I like for various reasons) who had been vying for his attention all year pounced, and soon he was continously flirting with these two girls. The two combined weren't good enough for him. We are at about month four in the school year now, when one of those two girls (slightly overweight and with glasses) runs up to me all excited like a five-year-old to inform me that this guy had just acknowledged her outside of class. (Cool? He acknowledged me DAY 4). And I was jealous, he hadn't said anything to me outside of class since the "leave" incident.
He was only in that class for one semester, and on the last day he gave me a hug. It was an awkward hug, but I was the only girl who got a hug.
An entire semester has gone by since that hug. I occasionally talk to him, but our spark is gone. I know it's gone. But I can't help fantazising about being with him and I still think about him all the time. I still love him. Yeah, I'm a sophomore in high school and I probably have no idea what love is, but to me I'm in love with him. Tuesday will be his last day in school and then I will most likely never see him again.
So the questions I have for y'all is: why do I feel this way? Has anybody else ever felt this way? What is your best advice for me, and is it normal to feel this way?
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About the Author
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- From: OXshortXO@xanga
- Name: Holly
- About Me: I'm 15 years old. I'm just like every other American teenager out there. I fall for the worst guys, ignore the best ones. I try to be sweet, but often times i'm shallow and concieted. I'm not perfect. Somedays I'm happy and other days my life is a total disaster. School is pretty important to me as is God, family, and friends. I get stressed out way to easily and often forget to have fun. However, i do love dancing in the rain.
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Comments (20)
Girls dream ....
Don't talk to him anymore. Move on and find someone more mature.
Problem = solved.
is prob a bad idea for to nag a friend - when not even dating. also when you realized you were less impressed ... that is when i'd have worked on moving on, not changing him.
there will be more and better out there...
I think it's normal. You're just attracted to him. I think it's because he's good looking, interesting to talk to, and nice and so that's why he left a good impression on you. You probably have no other experience to compare this to and that's why you think you fell in love with him.
My advice is to reflect on why you think you are in love with him. I hope it's not because you think you can change him. I also hope it's not because you feel lonely.
Anyway I think it's best if you just make a lot of guy friends before you start falling for them. This is so that you can learn about their different personalities.
its just infatuation. ppl always want what they cant have. he obviously didnt respect ur opinions or friendship so whats the point.. and if he talked to u in sucha harsh way.. ordering u to leave.. then he definitely does not deserve u.. and he is definitely not "the man". u'll find better.
I'm going to say it's because you're in love with the idea of the perfect man of the school. People also often fantasize about being "THE ONE" who changes their significant other for the better. Sometimes, it just doesn't work that way. You know he's not perfect; just keep thinking of those flaws, because he's definitely not going to treat you like he respects you any time soon (ignoring all over-night epiphany possibilities). I'm sure there are tons of other people vying for your attention. Good luck!
Total sprungress/infatuation
It's normal to feel that way. To be perfectly honest, you'll probably feel that way until another "man" comes around. It's been six months since my last relationship, and even though we haven't talked in a while and I'm starting to crush on other guys, I still think about him sometimes.
That happens to a ton of people. Someone develops feelings, the other person acts like a jerk, the first person still has feelings and has issues getting rid of them. Part of you probably still expects that he's going to say something to you, apologize for what he said, beg for your forgiveness; part of you, in other words, still expects him to change for you.
The problem is that he's not gonna change. He's an idiotic, high school boy. Not many guys in high school have an ounce of maturity in their bodies. They're going through a ton of hormonal changes, as are girls, and all they can really think about would be sex. That doesn't apply to all guys, but it applies to a lot of them. The same goes with girls but in a different way.
The guy needs to grow up. He'll never appreciate a woman for what she is until he does grow up. Right now he's stuck in little boy mode where he wants to have sex, smoke, drink, and generally fool around. Seems like you want an actual relationship. I'm sorry to say this, but I don't see that happening. The sooner you realize that he won't apologize, he won't change, he will not come after you for who you are, the better off you'll be.
Set your eyes on something or someone else, because he's not worth it. The spark you had at the beginning was a spark for someone else, not him. It was a spark for who you thought he was, not for who he is. You need to realize that he's not who you thought he was, that the guy you thought he was doesn't exist, at least not within him.
I think we (as in women) tend to do this more often than guys will. We project our beliefs, hopes and wants into a guy who seemed impossible to have and when he turns out to be a complete asshole, we defend him for acting in such a way. In your case, your defense was that he's "the man" and sleeping around is givven but it's not. It's flaw in his character, he has no sense of decency or does he ever want to own up to his behavior. You fell in love with the guy that was a gentleman, considerate and even sweet... And clearly, this isn't him. It's who you want him to be, the frrequent phrase that surface about this time is: "I see a potential beyond where he's at!" Only he can take actions to own that potential....
Anyways, it's better this way. Try to keep the emotions balanced until you get to know them better before concluding you're "in love." Again, I understand this is easier said than done but bear with me. And as long as he's "the man" for you and not for the whole school, it might actually be REAL and not what you fictionalize. Good luck.
It's infatuation. You'll figure that out when you fall in love for real. =)
Get over him and move on. He doesn't seem healthy for you anymore.. sleeping around, drinking, smoking? Not at all.
There are plenty of other guys out there, he's just not the one for you.
You poor girl. You are so naive. But it happens. You kinda screwed things up by nagging at him, but if he had that many things about him that you didn't like then he wasn't right for you anyway. No one likes to be told that they're awful and need to change, and this guy is no exception.
But he's graduating now. Move on.
It's just a crush. Dont try to change him because he is not going to change. You saying mean things to him will not make him change the way e is. There will always be other girls out there that will appreciate the way he is.
It happens to a lot of people. It will pass. There's nothing wrong about fantasizing and dreaming, unless it affects your reality. Just realize, he is a guy, not a god. There are millions of other guys and at some time, they all fall off the pedestals we put them on. You need to move on and up!
oh yeah i know that type of guy. i thought i was in love with "that type of guy" for 3 years. the feeling will completely go away, i promise. i don't even think about that guy anymore, and when i do, i'm like 'why the heck did i like him?' and what's even more funny, is that he go FAT and UGLY!! oh i cracked myself up looking at pictures of him on myspace. and he's all trying to hook up with me and i'm like "YOU WISH". oh it's really all so great.
you're just infatuated that someone who, not only a senior but also "the man" are giving you so much attention. More than those other girls. That's why you notice the details and etc. It's just an infatuation it appears like, not love
k
I know it seems like everyone is minimizing what you feel, but they're right. More than you know, they're right.
You are likely just holding on to that infatuation with him because he is popular and "the man." If it weren't for his popularity, you would have immediately moved on when you realized that the shine was off the apple. When he wasn't this mythical, wonderful person that you created in your mind, and you found out he was just like everyone else with problems and bad habits, you would have shrugged your shoulders and went, "Okay, we can just be friends."
Ironically, that would have more than likely set him on a course of trying hard to pursue you. In my experience in high school, when "the man" is interested in you and you aren't interested in anything more than his friendship (and you've suddenly become the one girl in the school that is immune to his charm) the more he wants you. It's that old wanting-what-you-can't-have adage.
Mine was a senior too. I was a freshman, and I was so very not interested in him because he had dated my cousin. He was the first person that she had ever slept with and he dumped her almost immediately afterward. He was "the man" for everyone else, but for me he was a douche bag and I had no qualms about letting him know it. He still pursues me to this day.