If I had a daughter who was a senior in high school, I'd tell her to stay single. I’d tell her that because she would need to figure out which college she wants to go to on her own, without thinking about being near any boy. I’d tell her to stay single because most relationships that start in high school don’t last through that first year of college - it's so hard, especially if you’re going to two different schools in two different cities.
First off, you will not see each other all the time. No meeting up between classes or hanging out after school, none of that and that will take some getting used to. Then you will both form new friendships outside of the ones you already knew. You’re going to find yourself not in the loop so much and not understanding what the hell is going on with that new life. There will be new memories and inside jokes that you’re not a part of and that can pretty much suck.
Another thing is that you will both find yourselves involved in new activities and your schedules might not correspond so the time of day when you speak to each other will not be as available. You’ll be busy, he’ll be busy; when you call he won’t have time, when he calls you won’t have time and relationships suffer without communication. Then the issue of trust comes into play.
Men sometimes think with the tiny little head they have in their pants. Women mess up too and if you spend your time worrying over that then there is a problem. I mean it’s not worth it if you spend a lot of the time you do talk, asking about the new girls he’s friends with and worrying about what he may be doing.
I feel like taking a relationship into college makes life that much tougher. The first year is supposed to be hard, fun, filled with mistakes, filled with learning, and basically the worst/best year and a relationship might hinder your experience a bit.
From my experience, it was very hard. First, I wasn’t sure if we were going to be together in college because he told me he didn’t want to be together in college. I was angry because I said "if you knew that, then why did you get me involved in this relationship this year?" After a bunch of conversations, some nicer than others, we decided to stay together. At first it wasn’t that bad; he visited, I visited. I had cheerleading to keep me busy and he had his friends and parties. Sometimes though, I would just really miss him and he just wasn’t around. I would call and he was just too busy, but it wasn’t that much so I was fine. Then some stuff happened involving other people who were in the same situation as me and I started worrying.
I started thinking, “omg, what if he meets some sexy, smart girl and leaves me for her? What if he’s cheating? What if what if?” I honestly drove myself crazy, and I think I drove him crazy because sometimes (many times) I would bring up these inquiries with him. Each time he would reassure me that he wouldn’t. I think the only thing that really kept me believing him is because we’ve been friends for 4 years and together for over a year and I know his personality. I know he’s not the type to go after a girl and he could go without the physical for a while. When he needed it, he let me know and we made it happen.
Anyways, after that chapter ended, we had a month together and then back to second semester. Basketball season ended, cheerleading competition ended and I basically had no life. I had more time to call, but he went out more and partied more and had less time. I felt neglected, so I started withdrawing. So we talked less and less some days, not even saying hi on AIM or texting. Then we had a huge argument. Then we started talking again. Then the same pattern and it felt like all we ever did was argue and all I ever wanted was attention and time.
Then one day in the middle of one of our arguments, he said he thought we should break up. I felt like my insides fell out. My heart started beating fast and tears were coming to my eyes, but I just played it off and continued the conversation. We ended up staying together and that was about a month ago. Things have been pretty okay with us, except for the fact that he doesn’t pick up his phone (....) but we talk. Finals end next week for both of us and I honestly don’t know what summer or our second year holds for us, but it can’t be harder than this first year, right?
Okay, so I know we’re still together and we basically made it through this year (unless we break up this week) but I still wouldn’t recommend it for my daughter. I wouldn’t want her to feel the way I did. I wouldn’t want her to cry and worry. I wouldn’t want her to have to balance the stress of getting good grades and adjusting to a new atmosphere with the stress of having a boyfriend somewhere far. Don’t get me wrong, I love my boyfriend and it wasn’t all horrible. We had great times together. We made a bunch of new memories with each other, but it was a challenge. I do feel like it made us stronger as a couple. There is NO way I’m letting him go without a fight after all that.
He’s my best friend and my lover...ha, that was cheesy, but I still wouldn’t want it for my daughter. If she insisted though, I’d advise her to first and foremost TRUST! Second, get involved at her school so that she doesn’t spend too much time thinking about him. Try to spend at least two weekends together a month, and if two is not possible, then one. Talk to him, even if it’s not a full conversation but a “hey what’s up” text to let him know you’re alive. Don’t listen to other people. Other people will forever tell you that there is no way he’s not cheating because he’s a guy and he’s in college far from his girlfriend, which goes back to TRUST! Also, don’t flirt and hold on to other guys as his replacement while he’s not around. Things might get lonely but that’s not a good look.
Lastly, don’t plan your whole life around him just yet. College just started, people change and who is to say you won’t change your mind about him, so don’t hold on to plans of marriage in the future and miss out on things you might like or want just because you have this plan involving some guy you’re with. Let’s face it - 18 is a young age and most couples from that age don’t last.
What does everyone else think about a relationship in the first year of college? Did you go through that? If so, did it last? If you're still in high school, would you be willing to go through that?
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Comments (40)
If you can't hold a relationship through college, good luck with marriage.
you know. i had a huge crush on my best friend in HS but i was always too shy to tell him about it. he got a girlfriend anyway my senior year ... we stayed friends and still talked regularly, but he stayed with her throughout my 3 years of college, and broke up towards the end of it. and then we started dating!
and. idk. its weird cause sometimes i'd think, you mean we could have been doing this the whole time?? but other times i'd think, maybe it was supposed to happen like this. idk how well i would have handled the distance and maybe it would have ultimately ruined things.
i agree with ^^ too ... but. yeah. college when your younger, you're still finding out a lot about yourself, and deciding who you are, and i also know that distance puts a huge strain (even on strong platonic friendships)
I've never really had a problem with the whole having a relationship with someone while in another school since I've always dated outside of my school district. In a way, that made going to college with a relationship easier since I was already used to not seeing my boyfriend much during the week.
I had the same relationship from about mid-way through my senior year of high school until almost the end of my second year of college. I didn't find our first year apart to be particularly challenging, but my boyfriend at the time also wasn't going to school like I was and he visited me often (especially during the first semester). The second year was actually much harder for me than the first.
I've never had a long-term, steady boyfriend, so I don't understand how hard it must be for someone to date at such a time. I was never determined to date all through high school or college, and my parents (mainly my mom) told me to just focus on my studies, which is exactly what I'm doing. I'll meet a guy when I meet him.
im recently in my first year of college and i just started a relationship. I have to admit, it is pretty hard because its the first year and everything and we are both from different colleges. he has his friends and i have mine. its hard to compromise and make time for each other. but right now, were getting through it fine. i still have my doubts for the future though.
C0llege ....Happy ?
I'd have to agree with this post. I ended up breaking up with my high school boyfriend in the first week of my freshman year of college. Even though he was nearby and would be able to visit me often, I realized that I wanted an opportunity to experience college on my own. It wasn't an easy thing to do, but I've never regretted it for an instant.
Breaking up with him and being on my own opened up so many wonderful opportunities that I never would have had otherwise. Sometimes we are so blinded by our current relationships that it's hard to accept that there might be other, better possibilities out there. College is a great opportunity to expand yourself. As you enter that new stage of your life, seriously consider the implications of being tied down.
"Lastly, don’t plan your whole life around him just yet." - i love that line.
i completely agree. i made that stupid mistake.
This sounds like something I'm about to take part in.
I'm going to graduate from high school next month. We have the whole summer together, but that's only two months or so (not even).
Come September, we'll both be in our separate colleges. I mean, we're only 45 min. - 1 hr. away but to me that still seems pretty far. I'm used to him being only 10 minutes away from me with easy access to see him.
We've been together for about 6 months now. November will be our 1 year mark - if we make it by then.
We've had talks about breaking up before college because "it just won't work out", but now I think we're just going to see how things go. Go with the flow rather.
I'm in love with him. I want to be with him for a very long time, but college is really a great obstacle that will be hard to overcome. I really do want to enjoy my first year and meet many new people, get invovled in a lot of activities, and just live.
He's my best friend and my boyfriend. I think we can remain friends, but we both have problems with staying in touch with people we don't really see. I don't want my heart broken in college but at the same time, I don't know if I want to be restricted and barred by a relationship.
I really am dreading what is about to happen in the next couple of months.
I just got done wasting my entire freshman year on one guy.
Granted we didn't meet in high school,
But it was the summer before I left for school.
I went home to see him every weekend, & he broke up with me right before finals week actually,
To beat me to breaking up with him when he told me he didn't love me anymore & probably never would again.
I really regret it for all the heartbreak & how I should've seen the warning signs that he really was just an asshole coated in sweet words,
But I also regret never really bothering to get to know anybody on campus,
Never staying during the weekend & going to parties & meeting new people.
So yes, I would advise against it too.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - I'm 18 and I've never been in a long distance relationship before now, it was new and it was harder. I was just sayin imagine being that young and being in the first year of college where you try to find yourself really and then have to balance a relationship I wouldn't want it for my daughter. When the time to think about marriage comes, I'll think about it and see if I want it.
@Purrty_Pink@xanga - Hmm, you have a point. Good luck keeping this one together.
yeah i agree
having a bf/gf in the 1st year is hard to maintain
@shaunachiang@xanga - HOT?!
Right. I agree with this..but hey, ya never know..the majority doesn't always count for the other people.
life changes is stressful on everyone. Imagine after college? screw school. You'll be dealing with kids, budgets, having to both work around your kids , including yourselves... that is if you want kids lol.
"If you love someone let them go, if it was meant to be, they'll come back, if not, be happy that they were in your life for that moment of time"
Distance is a true test of this and will forever be if love prevails....
I'm going to be facing this issue soon and this entry made me upset :[ but my boyfriend and i both trust and love each other very much and are willing to make it work. we are going to have computers and webcams and phones so we can still have plenty of communication. my college is only about four hours away from home, where he's staying for college, so it's really not that bad. and my college has a bus system which he can take if he wants to visit me, or i can take if i want to visit him. and i've heard many LDR stories where everything went fine. my aunt and uncle have been going out since they were 14, yes, 14! and they had this same problem and it totally worked out fine. so, i think it will be okay :] if both partners are truely committed, i believe it will work :]
Sigh, I'm going through this right now. I tried so hard not to start any relationships in senior year, but here I am, end of senior year and I have someone to miss when I go to college. It's a sad prospect when I leave.
I was still a senior in high school, but my boyfriend was a freshman in college. I'm going to a school in Michigan, and he goes to Columbia in New York. We fought more the more time we spent apart. He suggested breaking up and even though I loved him and did not want to break up, I agreed that it was probably the best thing to do. It's definately better to break up and save yourselves from eventually hating eachother.. then at least you still have a chance later in life, if you're still into him.
One of my close friends is going through this, and it seems to be working out alright for her.
She was a junior and he a senior when they started dating, and now she's a senior and he a freshman in college.
I personally don't think it's a great idea, but I guess it works for some couples.
No, but my boyfriend did. It was my senior year and his college freshmen year. But that doesn't really seem to be the point of this entry...this seems to be more about long distance relationships than dating in college. And yes, LDR are hard, but they can be worth it. Even if it is someones first year of college.
I think college should be full of new experiences, so having left over relationships from high school is kind of a damper.
I can't really predict if I'll be in a
relationship during my first year in college.. but uh, it won't make a
difference if I am in one.. I don't know really, if I am in one, cool,
if not, cool?
I would let my kids have any relationship. It may sound bad, but you need the bad relationships to know what you really want in a good relationship, you really don't know the first time around. And maybe, this experience will make you question if it's this hard to keep a relationship is is really worth keeping it? You may say you're deeply in love with the guy, but are you happy? Eh, I don't want to lecture. I simply leave you with those questions.