Just when I think I'm out of the dating world, I get pulled back in. I met a guy named Max a few months ago.
Max is one of the sweetest guys you could meet. He always puts others first and cares very much about all his friends and family. But when it comes to girls...SHEESH, the boy has issues!
He asked me out about a week ago on my birthday with a big scheme. It was pretty brave, so I assumed he would be cool with, y'know, the part where we ACTUALLY GO OUT. But I assumed incorrectly, of course.
Now, I'm a pretty outgoing person. I love talking and laughing and flirting and just generally having a good time. But he is pretty much the exact opposite. When we go out he acts like he's afraid of me! He won't even sit near me! On top of that, he barely says anything so I end up rambling on for hours.
It's just plain awkward! So Datingish readers, here's where I need your help...should I keep going out with him, and hope he gets better, or end it now?
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Comments (38)
He seems like he's just nervous. Give him a little bit of time to relax around you, 'cause only then will you get to know him. After that, you'll be able to decide whether you want to continue dating him or not.
I think you should talk to him first and see why he's acting the way he does. Then you can make your decision from there.
Talk with him before you get in any deeper. If he refuses to talk, I'd dump him. There's no point to being in a one-sided relationship.
Get to know him a little better, and if it doesn't change, leave.
I say give it a little while longer and give him a chance to change. Maybe once he warms up to you he won't be so reserved.
a few months and he is still like that? honey - there are plenty of "sweet" guys out there - find yourself one that you don't seem to intimidate on a date. Max will find someone else. And if he really wants you, he will come after you again.
Seems like he's super nervous. Maybe you shouldn't go out on "dates" for awhile, but instead have group dates or just hang out as friends, to get him warmed up to the idea of a relationship.
I'd give him a little more time but if things dont go anywhere, then leave
Most guys are nervous on the first few dates. Some are more nervous than others. I know it sounds really childish, but whenever I begin dating a guy who starts out as shy, I try to play a game with him by alternating facts or stories about ourselves. Always make the man open up first, that way you know that he won't just say "Oh, what about you?" instead of thinking of his own question to ask or story to tell. My exboyfriend was nervous to the max but it was actually his idea to play that game. We played it so many times and for so long, that we could never play it again because we knew everything about eachother. After a week or two, we weren't just dating. We were best friends.
he IS nervous...but also the thing is, he probably lacks self-confidence in general, not just with you. it was probably a huge effort on his part to ask you out. he probably won't change unless he consciously realizes his faults...but he WILL warm up to you with time...i don't think his social awkwardness will go away unless he has somebody to push him into social situations to get more experience.[perhaps you maybe?]
He seems a bit nervous & kinda new to this.. so I'd say give him some time to get used to this & you. If you don't see any progress for a couple of days or weeks, let him go.
It was the same for me when I asked a girl out. We had been really good friends, but now that we were dating I was constantly terrified that I wasn't living up to her expectations. I felt like we always had to do something special when we got together, not realizing that she probably just wanted to get out of the house.
Anyway, I can identify with the guy. My first (and so far only) relationship was in high school, so I had no idea how to go about it.
I am a bit confused have you been dating a few months or was your first date a week ago. If it's been a few months and he still is not talking to you I would say it's time to find out why. But if you have only had like one or two dates and you like him it would be worth waiting a bit I would think....
I would have to agree with the other comments here. Talk and see. Just don't have "THE TALK" Be cool, tell him your a little concerned and ask him if there's anything that you can do to help him feel more comfortable. You might want to keep it as light as possible maybe even a flirty, jesty type attitude. Even if it doesn't work out with dating, I don't think you need to burn the bridge. Stay friends and if it's not working out for you, transition slowly back into the friendship. It may not be the right time and he may be suffering from transplanted friendship anxiety. He sounds like a nice guy who is under a lot of pressure. Sounds to me like he might be trying to be as cool as possible so as not to frighten YOU off.
I am getting this out of the guy I'm getting to know now as well... It's sooo weird. It makes me feel weird too but I just try to make the atmosphere as normal as possible. I sort of stopped talking to him now because he is too different from me and he barely does the talking; it gets boring if I only do the talking.
If he isn't willing to adapt and open up then If I was you I'd tell him straight up so he knows how he is making you feel.
he's shy. many people are shy. i think you should keep dating him, because he will slowly become more comfortable around you and open up. i can say with a pretty high degree of certainty that if you call things off (particularly if it's in a harsh manner, which i'm sure you wouldn't do) it will just make problems worse for him with other girls--pavlov at work. this is coming from an ex-shy guy so i'm pretty sure this is what he's thinking.
and by the way, given how shy he is around you, he probably likes you a lot. you should be flattered! =)
He might just be nervous, and if he senses that you're not happy, this might just make him more nervous. Give him a chance, but if you're still not happy in a few weeks then move on.
He's probably just nervous. Give him some time to adjust and see where it goes. If nothing changes, then maybe nothing is going to happen between you two at least at this point in time. My fiance was too afraid to ask me out so he got a mutual friend to be the in-between and play matchmaker, which, I might add, she enjoyed immensely. Obviously I said yes seeing as where we are now.
LOL....I think he's just nervous. He cares so much about his family and friends and if he had the guts to ask you out, he obviously cares a lot about you.
Have you tried asking him about himself? Questions like what do you like or what was your childhood like? Just questions to get him to open up.
My current boyfriend now was not the bravest soul on the planet, but he did manage to ask me out. We're both not very out going, but I think I tend to talk more. But when we started dating, I could tell he was really nervous around me. But when I lean on him or things like that, he didn't reject it. We eventually got pass the awkward stage.
If he's really a sweet guy and you like him, keep going out with him and try a different approach. If he's afraid of touching you, then you can try to grab his hand or something to see how he responds. If it get's to the point where he's hurting your feelings and making you feel bad, I best solution is to talk to him about how you feel and how he makes you feel and ask him why is he acting like he's acting. Do not give up on a relationship yet until you know you've tried everything. Talk to the guy!!!
I think you just need to communicate with him and find out what he is avoiding you about. It could be, A) His anxiety but I doubt it- since he bravely asked you out in the first place. B) He could be a player. A person who just like to try new things and realizes he does not like you after asking you out. C) I can totally be wrong about all this..
Dates are supposed to be fun and easy to enjoy. This doesn't seem much like you enjoy it...at all.
When you dump him, I'm sure he'll write a blog about how "nice" guys can't get the girl.
Give it some time, he might just be shy!
My boyfriend and I were both like that at first and we had many an awkward silence... But I knew I really liked him so i kept with it and I don't regret it one bit. :)
sounds like you're bored already
Have you tried addressing the issue with him? I find it really awkward that he gets nervous even AFTER asking you out...isn't the asking out part supposed to be the hardest?