Saturday, 16 May 2009
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This Is How Heartbreak Feels
My phone vibrated, making a gurgling noise on the seat of my brother's 2008 Mustang GT. I paused in the middle of singing a song to glance down. My heart sank the minute I realized I had a text message from you. The instant I gazed at the contents, every feeling that I'd shoved aside of you came rushing back to the main plateau of my mind. I could no longer concentrate on anything worth my time. By the time we arrived at the restaurant where we were going to eat, I had tripped on the curb, almost dropped my phone down a sewer drain, and walked straight into a light pole. This is what you do to me.
Entering Buffalo Wild Wings, I blankly followed my brother, his wife, and her best friend to a dim booth in the back by the televisions. I set my phone on the table and gave the waitress my drink order like I'm some robot. I hadn't made eye contact with anyone in a good half hour, terrified that I'd burst into tears. After nodding my head yes to the waitress, saying that I was eighteen, I looked over the menu. I lied, obviously, but it wasn't like I was going to start smoking or something.
No, I'm addicted to something much worse than nicotine. I'm addicted to a boy who will only ever love me if I have sex with him. Getting distracted multiple times as I searched for something to fill the empty feeling in my belly, I quickly realized that I wasn't hungry for food. I was simply hungry for you to love me and to tell me the truth.
When the waitress came back, I hurriedly chose the first thing I saw on the menu then continued to chug my Sprite, realizing that my mouth was drier than ever. There's a smudge on my mind, making the rest of the night a blur. You weren't even there, and still, you managed to smudge my entire night, leaving me alone at the end of the day. I won't be happy until the day I have you.
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- From: tori_deanne@xanga
- Name: Tori (:
- About Me: My camera completes my life. Green is my favorite color, as well as the only color of fruit snacks I don't like. My nail polish is always chipped, and I'm only free when I'm outdoors. Comfy jeans and soft hoodies are my daily uniform, although I wish I cared more about fashion. My puppy is practically my child, and I'm consistently becoming more and more creative ♥
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Comments (38)
deep. heartbreak feels like the song dreaming with a broken heart by john mayer.
This is truly deep. Well done. I wish you luck with the problem.
So perfectly on point. This is exactly how it feels.. as I'm finding out now too.
my exact feelings at this moment. it's horrible the effect someone can have on you and your heart, and even more horrible that i still care for him knowing that he won't be with me because i won't have sex with him. but then i remember, no matter how hard it is to move on, i have to. because i am worth so much more than that.
one day someone will love me enough and be respectful enough to understand me and my feelings.
*pat pat*
i know how you feel. i had a guy like that in my life. and i thought having a boyfriend would erase him from my life. and he did, for awhile. but i'm scared i'm going to feel like that again.. now that my boyfriend and i are over. there's always that one guy, i guess..
stay strong. =/
:( i felt like crying during this .
that last paragraph really hit home..and im really sorry.
i know how it feels and to be used by a guy .
its horrible and i know i could say the "cliche" thing by saying you dont deserve him and you should just move on..its not that easy and heartbreak is hard
but stay strong.
ok?
ok :)
I've been through what you have, my exgirlfriend really broke my heart and I empathize with you. Rely on family and friends kay? (: and stay strong.
@lovepeacecalm@xanga - I'm sorry to hear that :( Heartbreak sucks. Hope you're ok.
I hate how us women get so attached emotionally when sex is involved. Men don't have the consequences we have to suffer.
Oh my goodness, I know exactly how all of you are feeling.
It's a constant battle against myself to forget him.
If you subscribe to me, you're bound to see even more of this soon. We're fueding currently.
I know how you feel, im sorry u have to go through this. sometimes I wish I was a man, we ladies cant have sex without getting emotionally attached, so therefore we get our hearts broken over and over again
**hugs**A smudge on your mind .........oh!
you're a good writer, but if only it was about something happier and not this :( poor girl
Umm, get your facts straight. It's not only women, it's guys too. Some women are horny and coldhearted, they will have sex and then ignore you. Some guys like myself get really** hurt. It takes me like 8 months to get over a relationship. Heartbreak has drastic effects on a lot if guys.
I have many friends who have been in a similar situation, and we've all agreed that leaving that kind of guy is the best thing to do. Love isn't a switch that a person can turn on and off, so if the man (or woman) you love only seems to return those feelings based on sex or physical intimacy, he or she does not truly love you.
Like the above commenter mentioned, stay strong! I think you realize all this in the back of your mind, but you're still holding out hope that he will grow to love you. Unfortunately, however, the chances of that are typically slim to none. Again, my friends and I all think leaving a guy like that is the healthy thing to do. Because you know what? There are plenty of fish in the sea, and who knows? You may meet someone who accepts you for exactly who you are. I truly mean that.
Good luck--you have a big decision to make. Draw out this so-called relationship, or make a preemptive strike? Your choice. Best wishes :)
@LifesCollage@xanga - Oh, well I read in the other lovelyish post about women releasing some hormone. Of course it's just a generalization but there's always outliers. I guess when it comes to love, there are no rules that everyone follows.
I felt like this a few months a go... it's toned down a bit now... but there are days when I feel like shit cuz all of it jus comes rushin back.
you deserve better if he only loves you for your body than he doesn't deserve the time of day!
I'd like to punch that kid in the face.
Perfect.
@make_the_boredom_cease@xanga - I completely agree.
T___T this is soo true for me too. :[
its like theres always a thin thread holding onto him no matter how hard to try you forget him. :[
:( I hope you feel better!