So we hooked up. And it wasn't because we were drunk or desperate. I liked him. And he...was there.
I'm perfectly comfortable with what I did, but I've been told that they won't like you if you give them too much too soon. I think this undermines the idea that, you know, boys have feelings, too. And, if he wants to date me, he wants to date me, and if he doesn't, I probably shouldn't expect him to magically start wanting to date me as a result of kissing him or not.
Do you think it's possible to get a guy to ask you out if he's not already interested? Is it true that if you give too much too soon, it won't end well?
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Ok I'm totally not seeing the connection between the two things. Yes, I can make a guy go for me even if he's not interested. I choose not to because I know that in the end it would backfire on me. And guys can respect you less as a result, but that depends on the guy. And it sounds like you didn't like him anyway (?) so who cares?
...Why would you want to, is my question? Lol.
Why the hell would you want a guy who isn't interested in you anyways? Yes, you can get a guy to ask you out even if he wasn't interested... but WHY? Wouldn't you be better off with someone who was actually interested in you?
@RedheadAblaze@xanga - I don't see the connection either.
I stopped playing games like that while I was still in highschool and about the time I realized that just because I can doesn't mean I should. Sure I can make a guy fall for me by discovering his weak points and playing on them but what is my reward in that. I think seeing the hurt in a young mans eyes and feeling the weight of guilt knowing I put it there was enough to make me stop trying to manipulate or play with mens feelings. I just try to be open and honest and be myself if they can't handle it then they are not for me. I know that my "up front" style is not common and not something all guys can handle. Sometimes when they ask a question and I give them an honest answer they are speechless. But, I think it's an awful form of lying to pretend to be something I'm not just to ensnare a man. If I can't have an open, honest relationship without all the games then I would rather just be alone.
@echois23@xanga - You clearly described... just how I feel. I'm blunt ... sometimes too much so, enough to throw people off. Men don't like it, mostly... so I've learned to hide it. Yet I firmly believe that if I am meant to be with a guy - he'll be able to handle it... and if he can't, I'd rather live without him. In relation to the featured question... yeah, you can get him to be interested in you - just take your clothes off. If you have breasts and a vagina, he will be interested ... he's a guy. But then stop to ask yourself - what kind of an interest is that? Does he like you for you? My guess ... probably not, unfortunately, because you didn't give him a chance to find out before yanking your clothes off and / or kissing him. Hooking up doesn't tend to go far ... speaking from experience. Sad ... but true.
@echois23@xanga - @Passionflwr86@xanga -
What's interesting to me is that as a guy I have much the same problem. I'm blunt and up front, but a lot of women can't handle it. They see my matter-of-fact tone as being mean in some way.
But the nice thing is that there are also plenty of women (like yourselves) that I've met who have no problem with a matter-of-fact tone and are glad to have my honesty rather than the pleasant lies women so often get from other guys. It gives me a little hope.
i agree with all of the above. it's not worth it.. and it's just playing games. believe me, games get really boring really fast.. and people usually end up hurt. the real thing is much better..and worth it.
@Nous_Apeiron@xanga - I am 24 and pretty much thought I was immune to all mens charms but I met a guy like you recently and he has really turned my world upside down. His honesty can border on insulting at times but it is very attractive to me because I know when he says something it is what he really feels. No wishy washy lie to me to make me happy stuff. It's quite refreshing.
Um ....
Maybe if he was dared to... lol.
But nah, I don't think so.
@echois23@xanga - I'm glad you found a guy you can have that honest of a relationship with. That's a wonderful gift. :)
Wait ... what??
If the guy isn't interested, why bother? One-sided relationship never ends well. Hypothetically, if you somehow manage to get the guy to ask you out, he was probably feeling bad or bored. I think if both sides aren't interested then the relationship won't go anywhere.
Well, if you give in too much, too soon, where's the "take time to connect" part? I think just pace yourself and find out if this is really the relationship you want with the other person. My friend once told me "infatuation/crush" may be a superficial thing and it won't last; the feeling will fade. However, if you can picture yourself in a long-lasting relationship with the guy, then that's a relationship to work for. No one can really tell you what to do in a relationship because in the end, it's your own decision.
Truly, the idea is if a guy really likes you, he'll wait.
As far as giving too much too soon is concerned, it's not only about guys being selfish and just wanting the sex with no commitment. When you do things like that, it always starts to beg the question, "Does she do this with every random guy she finds attractive?" I think it reflects poorly on your character. I mean, I'd feel the same way as a girl. If a guy made out with me before we were going out, or without even having a connection, I'd be wary about whether he's just looking for someone to mess around with, or if he's a player, or... I mean, you fill in the blanks.
Heh, funny how so many girls think that they could get a guy asking them out if the guy's not interested.
I think if he's not interested he'd turn you down, why should he go out with you in the first place?
If you know he isn't interested, he ain't gonna ask you out.
Well, some guys will change thier mind out of desperation or for a booty call if they know they can get it from you so quickly. Most guys will tell you , no.
It would be an awful relationship if you could.
No. You're doomed.
Yes, and you could probably even get one to marry you. But then what do you have? A [date, husband, whatever] who never really loves you and you know it.
Trust one who has had experienes on both sides. It's a lot more fun to be loved, & well worth waiting a while for.
I didn't want him to think I was easy since we were going so fast, but I don't think he thought I was. It all depends on your mental relationship with them too. If he doesn't like you, then I think he'd only go after you to satisfy his carnal lust.
You really should read "He's Not That Into You", and you will see why it's not a good idea. There's always the exception to the rule, but exceptions are very rare indeed.
@storiesandsinker@xanga - exactly.
this happened to me with my co-worker, we hooked up and even though he said that he didn't want anything more, he kept calling me and vice versa and we kept seeing each other for over 2 years, but never serious. i think men sometimes are just so afraid to commit and if they do, they're afraid that they might miss something good. i think he does like you because if he wasn't into you, he would never really hook up with you in the first place, or he's a complete animal.
The title either has nothing to do with the actual article, or the person skipped from what they wrote to assuming the person doesn't like them. And I don't see why people are surprised about this dilemma. Yes, it's a poor decision to get someone to like you when they don't, but it's not like we all haven't wanted to do it, and plenty have us have damn well tried. So don't judge. But yes, it is a bad idea.
Speaking of which, instead of getting ahead of yourself and thinking he doesn't like you, why not just ask him out? I know, a horrible thought, a girl asking out a guy. But seriously, fuck societal norms, just go for it.