Miss Alligator
The other day, I had to borrow my brother's cell phone. As I was texting away, an incoming text message popped up. The sender was listed as the person's name, and then in parenthesis, what looked like a username or screenname. I clicked to open the text and was pretty shocked at what I saw. This person was telling my brother what he would do to him once they were together. I read more of his messages, only to find that there were at least four or five different guys that he'd been sexting with and meeting up with to fool around. Maybe you're wondering why this is any of my business. However, there are plenty of bad things that could result in him doing this, which is why I care. I don't want him to get an STD, nor do I want him to meet up with the wrong person and end up killed or something crazy like that. I'm only worried because I care. I also hate that he's whoring himself like this - he's disrespecting his body, in my opinion.
The other night, my brother went out with his friend from high school...or so we thought. When he got home, he admitted to me that it was someone that he'd met online that he was hooking up with. He asked me to promise not to tell our parents. I told him I couldn't promise anything, as I was worried about his safety. I told my mom the other day and we're not sure where to go from here.
What would you do in this situation? How much would you/have you intervened in your sibling's love/sex life?
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Comments (30)
I wouldn't be in their love / sex life at all. If I had seen the text I would have ignored it rather than look at the rest. Even if I had of looked at the rest, I would have asked the sibling about it but not really anything else.
I mean, really, what can you do? You can't make him do anything that he doesn't want to do. You can try to tell him to stop all he wants, but he's the boss of his own body. It's his life, and all you can really do is express your worry to him.
Well first how old is he? That would help a lot in answering your question but I am going to assume he is around 17 and answer the question that way. I would say let him be confronting him or trying to stop him is just going to make things worse and make him turn to more guys just to get away from his family. Or he just likes the sex, in that case he won't stop. Just try talking to him about protection, not only condoms, but also making sure people know where he is going to be. Also, try to get him to get offline and look for partners at clubs, not much better but a little safer.
I don't intervene in the sex lives of my siblings, that's none of my business. His texts are his business and you shouldn't have opened them, because you'd have felt better off not knowing. LEt him do what he does, him being gay won't kill you.
0.0 my bro's sex life is one thing i do NOT want to know about. *cringes* Id sit him through a couple of STD documentries and pay for him to get checked for an STD. Even if he doesnt have an STD...getting tested would give you paranoia enough not to keep acting that way.
@kyleberg29@xanga - He's 18, so you were close enough. Thanks for the input!
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - Him being gay is NOT the reason I'm worried. It's the amount of people he's randomly hooking up with, not the gender of the people he's hooking up with.
@missalligator - Ah, my bad. Maybe get him involved in a hobby to keep him busy? Does he have a job?
hm well I wouldnt have gotten as involved with it as you but I def wouldve shown some concern I mean he is blood. If my little brother was having random hookups liek that I would deffffffffffffffffffff get on it and try to end it. Like really.....thought we taught you better.
No i totally understand you being concerned but getting that into his business hes 18 hes legally an adult. He can make his own decisions and if he doesnt listen to your warning s and advice when shit hits the fan he will have to deal with it....
if he feels grown up enough to go do "grown-up" things he can deal with the "grown-up" real life shit that happens with bad decisions.
god this makes me wanna look after my brother a little more closely....
you've no business intervening, in my opinion. if you must just give your opinion quietly, but don't make a fuss if (read: when) he doesn't listen. you're his sister, not his body or puppeteer. (and he's probably smart enough to use a condom.)
I think the writer's doing the right thing. Can't say I have any sound advice at the moment though, hope it turns though and think you're justified and right in looking out for your brother in more than one way.
Wow... I'm not really sure how I would deal with this situation if it was my older brother...
I'd be pretty shocked at first, cuz that's not like him. He respects women more than anything, and knows the dangers of having more than one partners so... yeh.
I'd probably tell my mom (as you did) and my dad... and have a family meeting or something.
I understand ur concern and all but hun he is 18 and he is considered an adult so with that said is try and encorage him to do the right thing when he DOES hook up with people but other then that its all u can really do. i dont think telling your mom was any help at all. Now when he walks out the door ur mother will look at him in a weird way so that will probably be uncomfortable for him.
since your brother is gay/bi, it's fairly normal to do that from what i understand from my gay friends (most of them do/have done similar things) if he's using a condom/dental dam he probably should be fine from STDs...just ask him to please get tested regularly (every 3-6 months)
be careful not to alienate him, because that's actually a bigger risk to him than random protected sex (which i severely doubt he will curtail, although he might claim he is!!) good luck : X
That's one thing that my brother and I do NOT talk about--as if it was non-existent. His business is his and mine is mine. I have nothing to share anyway.
i don't think you should have read it in the first place, it's his choice what he does, you can't really control what he wants too do, if he fucks up then it's his fault.
I don't get involved in my brother's sex life and he doesn't get involved in mine. He only tells me what he wants to tell me... but other than that, well, we stay out.
If you're worried, talk to him. Confront him about it. Let him know that you're worried. It's only when it gets worse that you should alert the parents to have a family talk.
First of all, his text messages aren't your business. You shouldn't have opened them. You should've let him known that he received a text message and let him deal with it.
As the result of you keep butting into his business and telling your mom something he asked you to keep to yourself, you're going to lose the respect and trust of your brother.
Right now, what you could do is apologize for opening his text. and THEN proceed to tell him that you hope he is using protection. And voice your concern. But tell him that no matter what he does, you will always believe in him to make good choices for himself.
He may never let you borrow his stuff anymore, but if it's a concern, maybe you should intervene. My bro. smokes and I won't lend him money if it's to purchase cigs. but there is so much you can do. I hope he's safe about what he does.
STDs are a significantly more likely occurrence among homosexuals, but that isn't to say that he is being irresponsible with his hook ups. If you try to regulate his behaviour he will just find his own ways to do whatever he wants without your knowledge.
To be realistic, he is at a mature age in which he believes he is entitled to act according to his own beliefs. He's a young testosterone driven male in his prime, and life for the time being is about hooking up. You can encourage him to be responsible about it, but trying to control him will be counterproductive. He is obliged to consider his own safety, and your feelings as family should matter - but essentially these are decisions relating to his own ethics , morality and sexuality, deeply personal matters; and he needs to define his own boundaries.
Yeesh, what a sticky situation. I wouldn't cover for him if I were you.
I don't think it was right to look at his texts, but apparently a lot of people do that these days.
If you are worried tell him. Make sure he is using protection. Tell him he should get checked for an STD just to make sure. Tell him you love him and are just looking out for him.
Sucks to be in a situation like this.
Because it's usually siblings : parents.
But, just make sure you know how you feel about it. Have a good and long conversation. Make him take his own initiative of his safety.
:/ There's not much you can do because he's 18. Just be there for him and let him know he can talk to you.
If my brother was doing that I would have a serious talk with him. I would not tell him to change anything but just let him know how I feel about his dating situation.
i think you should definitely let him know how you feel, but if he wants to continue living his life that way, then it's his choice. don't try to force anything onto him because that won't work, and he'll probably stop telling you things if you do that.
well if you're really worried about it, talk to him.