I have a friend who is the boy in the second scenario. I've been with someone else for over a year now and my guy-friend and I broke up 2 years ago, but he still tells me he loves me and gets me gifts and stuff. I keep encouraging him to move on because I really do just wanna be friends, but he wants more. I've definitely considered taking a friendship hiatus to allow him to move on, but I think that might just hurt him more.

The best thing to do in my situation I figured was to just let him work it out in his own time. I've sort of put some distance in the friendship, but we still talk occasionally. He seems to be doing better now, so hopefully he continues to make progress.

@Sugarling@xanga - LOL!!!!!

sure, some exes can be friends, but damn...give it some time.  you CANT revert from being romantically involved with someone and be platonic overnight, it just doesnt happen that way.  feelings take time to develop and it sure as hell will take time to fade.  so give it some "fading" time and then try to be friends later.  sometimes, you just have to cut the losses and cut ALL times.  i cut all ties w/ my ex of 10 years. 

I was in sitch #1, until I finally gave up and did my own thing, while the feelings would always be there but I figured there wouldn't be a chance, THEN he starts to develop feelings for me, just when I least expect it. We were the best of friends for 4 years prior, so I'm very happy it worked out. Been dating for almost 8 months and still going strong.

Even if it didn't work out, I'd still want to be his friend, and vice versa. He's helped me get through rough times (high school friends killed in car accident), and I've helped him (his slight alcoholic tendencies).

@mynameisblueskye@xanga - And it's a good point. =)

I didn't have a lot of guy friends (in fact, I still fdon't have a lot of guy frriends, even on Xanga. :-\), whom I knew broken up like this, but girls, if you had that situation, you can answer it, too.

You can be friends with your ex. I've done it with both of my exes. It's worked out wonderfully. The trick is to act like friends, but not best friends. Hang out once in a while, but don't talk all the time like you used to. That's the big mistake most people make, as well as holding onto what's no longer there.

The reason I do it is that I figure that I was in a relationship with them for a reason. I like them as a person (at least, that's why I personally get into relationships), so it seems natural they would be a good friend.

I think it's funny when guys want all the benefits of friendship and sometimes sexual benefits too, yet they won't date you for whatever stupid fear they have when they basically are already.  If you like someone, and they've given you time as a friend with benefits but won't give you the time for a relationship, cut them off.  You deserve better and they ought to give you a chance if it's been anything more than platonic.  

I knwo for a lot of my friends who have been stuck in this situation insist that being firends is the best way to go but I think it is much harder to do than people think. well, for some people that is.

For me, I need some distance for the sake of getting over the person. It's never that I don't like them and it is rarely that I am mad at them, but it is hard to just exsist happily around them when you are hurt. I understand that it works for some people but I think a temporary distance is actually a good thing. Just to, you know, get over your feeligns and recollect your thoughts on the subject without getting distracted by his/her presence.

i think it's inevitable that things are just not going to be the same.  its not possible to have a normal comfortable friendship after something like that, it'll go all awkward and there'll be so much going on in each mind.

BUT over time.. possible a lot of it.  it is possible to just be friends.  i'm friends with both my exes... but it took a long time to get there.  i didnt have any contact with my 1st ex for over half a year, and 2nd for about the same time before we could talk, and even joke about how silly we were etc.  and things just weren't weird.  we know the feelings have gone and it's just cool between us.

I"m still friends with a girl i could not be with. I am very happy we are still freinds...can't say what things might have been done with out her help in my life. I still feel for her, but its not the same as it was..now its more of a " I like you, but don't "love" you" I love her as a freind. I know I will never have more then that and I have come to terms with it. I think you can...over time that is. It took me a good...all summer to get over it ( i was holding it in for  a good 5 months so it was not going to go away fast)

Uuggghhh, I was best friends with this guy for most of my middle school years but then we parted cuz he hated my ex and then became real cocky and mean. He always got on my nerves, and knew how to piss me off. He even poked fun at my ex/last relationship. Last week, he came up to me saying that he liked me and wanted to date me... and to meet him at a place. I didn't go, he comes up to me and asks why. I tell him straightup that I don't like him & dont want to date him. What does he do? Keeps on bothering me about it. ughh, whatever, hopefully he'll pick one of the girls that are always all over him. 

Ugggh, both people in the scenarios should run, run far away.  I've been in both of those situations (the second one a boyfriend, not girlfriend, broke up with me) and they both caused tremendous pain and overall suckyness.