Wednesday, 13 May 2009
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When Nothing's Ever Good Enough For Your SO
I have been in my relationship for two years now and he obviously really loves me and stuff because we have lasted so long.But when we first started dating, I didn't wear makeup or wear anything girly/tight/whatever, I was pretty much a tomboy...and not very cute. But, that aside..he still asked me out and liked me.
Here's the bad stuff: he didn't respect me at all - he would check out other women when he was with me, and while I don't mind looking, yeah, he was bad - he would tell me what kind of girls he was into (which I definitely wasn't) and he just always seemed to want something different or more.
So a few years went by and I started to change my look and try to make myself the right person for him...and myself. I didn't care about the way I looked before I met him...now I'm kinda obsessed.
Anyway, now he is very respectful and doesn't make comments about the type of girls he likes.
But there are times where he will say, "I wonder how your hair would look if it was this color," or "I like this kind of makeup" or he will just analyze me and it's annoying, and I get pissed and say I'm not good enough - I mean, I have a right to get mad, right?
And one time I went to see him (we're long-distance); I only wore eyeliner and some lipstick...and the day after I saw him, he was, like, "Why don't you ever look good for me? I didn't even notice you were wearing any makeup." I was, like, WTF! are you kidding me? ugh.
So have any of you ever felt you weren't good enough for your BF/GF? Am I wrong about getting mad at him, or is this my own insecurities?
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Comments (183)
wow, he sounds like a real ass.
sorry but he sounds like a total dick hole to me. i'd be so pissed if my boyfriend ever said those things!
a girl should be with a guy who loves her exactly the way she is... not one who is always trying to change her into his prototype.
I'm sorry, but your relationship does not sound healthy. You shouldn't have to change yourself to make him happy, especially if it doesn't make you happy or becomes some sort of obsessive problem. His respect for you honestly sounds minimal at best.
Even if it's heart-breaking, a break-up might honestly be the best course of action. It sounds like you need to figure out who you are, rather than who your boyfriend wants you to be.
It's not you at all, he's simply a jerk. Significant others are supposed to make you feel better about yourself, not make you feel worse. They're also supposed to appreciate you no matter what you look like, not give you suggestions on what you should do, or make comments about how you never look good. It seems to me like he's pretty shallow and obsessed with looks, and I can't imagine that changing any time soon. So, with that knowledge, can you put up with this for however long you want your relationship to span out? If you want to be with him forever, in other words, can you tolerate him being this way... forever?
I never feel that I'm not good looking enough for my SO. He's constantly telling me how beautiful I am, and that always has a good effect on me. (:
Wow, omg. The first 3 paragraphs sounded like a relationship I was in
My first real relationship.
I was dating the guys for 2 years. When I first started dating him, I was 240 lbs 4'10
I was over weight, but he still asked me out. Cuz I had curves and I was nice to talk to (his words)
But when I was dating him he ALWAYS looked at other girls Wandering eye practically. I always got mad, and I always felt not good enough. I then lost nearly 100 lbs. I went from 240 to 145.
Even when I was that weight, He would always call me fat and say stuff meanly to me. He always would want me to wear the whorieish clothes. & if I did show some cleavage he'd call me a whore.He later on became abusive and always made me feel like crap.
Not saying that could happen to you. But seriously he's being a real dick. and you shouldn't change who you are. I see you right now. And You'd look so much better without all that makeup. You're very pretty
your boyfriend has problems if he's going out with you and freaking make you feel bad on how you look.
lol, i am that guy; the difference is, i tell my girlfriend i like her better without makeup (and without implants, she's insecure about those too). she gets pretty annoyed at me for being persistent about that natural look, though.
dump him. why should you change for him? especially something as trivial as appearance
They have a word for this. It's called abuse.
Get rid of your boyfriend.
I don't think you were wrong to get mad. I'd get mad too. Sounds like he's expecting a lot, or like you're not what he expects. Sorry if that sounds harsh. And sorry if this sounds harsh, but are you sure you want to stay with him? I mean, why stay with someone who doesn't like you the way you are? It's one thing if you did your make up for others, but not him. But that doesn't seem to be the case. I think you might want to reevaluate your relationship with this guy.
Woow.. first 3 paragraphs sounded like my already-ended-relationship! Which was also my first.
It's actually really upsetting to hear words like that coming out from someone you like/love.
It's like, no matter what you do, how hard you try, things just aren't good enough, ever.
I at a point had become numb to all of that, but in the end.. I reached my limit and realized, he's just not the one.
Although I waited for him to break up the relationship because I wanted all the time I could have with him, I found out later on that it was just a total waste of time.
Think about it before you sleep tonight. Is he really worth it? Do you think someone who loves you, would say things like that to you?
I'm sure you can find someone who will make you feel happy, comfortable and confident with yourself. Good luck!
Time to move on... NEXT!!
I wouldn't stay with him if I were you.
You have no need to answer to him or change who you are (even if it's something as simple as applying eyeliner more often) to suit his preferences. This is more a matter of principle than actually what you're doing. But showing him that he can go to hell before you change for him, you are asserting your dignity.
It is unacceptable for him to be checking out other girls when you're around. It's one thing if you're not there and therefore not the center of his attention and thoughts, but this is entirely different. While there's no need to call him out on it- no point in doing so, if you start dating a guy and notice him doing that (and ESPECIALLY if he blatantly COMMENTS on them to you), you should end it, because such disrespectful behavior is indication of a guy who's clearly not worth your time.
Wow, what an idiot. You deserve better. (: Slap a bitch.
Your bf is a douche! Even from a guy's perspective lol
Your boyfriend should not look at other girls because he should be so wrapped up in love with you! :/
i have a wandering eye that i will never give up, but as far as the remarks he makes...he's kind of a jackass.
Did you even read what you wrote? You're dating a complete jerk. You know why he's been with you for two years and counting? (Hint: It's not because he loves you.) It's because he knows that he can manipulate you into becoming what HE wants you to be, which is what he's already started doing the moment you started caring about your looks so much.
Of course I have a feeling that you don't care what any of us say and will continue to date him.
I'd be mad. He's the one who isn't good enough if you ask me.
sound like a jerk to me. my ex was like that too. it made me so insecure I'd to see a counsellor at one point! my confidence was wrecked shitless! Terrible experience.
but girlfriend, no matter guy or girl, no one should ever make u feel like this. it doesnt sound like he appreciates u for who u are. i say ditch him. u'll find a better man.
to give u a pusher, i did. :)
g00d p0st .....
I don't mind it if he checks out girls. I mean, he would ask me, "do you find that guy hot?" as well (even though I never paid any attention to those guys and couldn't give him any input :p) And I think guys will be guys...even if they don't comment on other girls, they still look anyway, it's just human nature!
But I do think your boyfriend is not very nice to you. I mean, he should not tell you how you should look. My boyfriend occasionally would suggest that I dress a certain way and try different makeups (for special occasions), but he always told me I looked good with or without makeup, and that I looked good even when I first woke up in the morning. And I remember my lazy days when I would just pull on a pair of sweatpants and sweatshirt (and glasses too!), he would still tell me I was pretty...
And you know, if it's bothering you so much, maybe you should talk to him about it.
I know how you feel. I had an ex-boyfriend that never said anything about my hair or make-up or how I dressed. Then, all of a sudden he'd say something like, "how come you never get dressed up when I'm around?" or he'd make a comment like, "I really want to see your natural hair color" whenever I would get highlights. Obviously, things didn't work out because those little things turned into big things & then all of a sudden, I wasn't good enough as a person for him. So, maybe you should talk to him?