I wonder if she'll read this one. Of course, now it doesn't matter, does it? (and yeah, I listen to this song when I'm angry at women I care about)
In an effort to try and see things the way she saw them, I'ma ask you all something. bear with me, though. This Krissy chick. We started going out on the 21st, and, as ridiculous as it may seem, I came to love her in that ridiculously short time. It's a double cliche, you know. The first part being that it's cliche to love someone so soon, and the second part being that it's cliche to say "As crazy as it may seem... I loved ____". Judge me if you want, it's no big deal.
But yes; I love her, and she told me that she loved me. I believed her, and told her the same thing. I told her that I've never liked anyone like this before, that she is the perfect woman for me, that she's the most incredible thing I've ever encountered, and various other eloquently worded professions of my adoration and love. I told her these things because I
meant them.
She recently found my Xanga by Googling my AIM screenname...which was fine; I have nothing to hide, right? I asked her why, though, and she said something to the effect of "because I'm not stupid."
I thought that was a little odd, but whatever. I'm trying to get to the point.
So, I had told Krissy in all these eloquent ways that I love her, and she's dear to, etc. Evidently, at some point in between 5 a.m. this morning and now, she decided to read all of my Xanga posts. I'm pretty sure nobody's read them all but me, so I'll tell you a little about them. I've posted entries about my various relationships and how I felt about them at the time. If you read back far enough, you'll see all sorts of rather silly pointless entries about Kate; we used to flirt and exchange I LOVE YOU MOREs over Xanga. Yeah.
Some of them, though, were rather heartfelt explanations of how I loved her and that she was amazing and wonderful and the only one for me, etc. The thing is, I've changed dramatically since those days, and I realize now that what I had with Kate wasn't love at all. I thought it was, but it really wasn't. That came to me after breaking up with Jeannie; I don't know what the hell I was thinking back then, but it certainly wasn't love. I had a couple massive ideological and emotional shifts during my high school years, and I'm a vastly different person now than I was then.
The point is that Krissy read all those entries and decided that if I said such similar eloquent statements to/about other girls, then it would be ridiculous to assume that I actually meant them to/about her. It was clear to her that I was lying to her, and simply recycling old lines that worked on past women in my life. It doesn't matter how long ago I said them, because it's impossible for someone to change so drastically.
"You can't feel that way about more than one person in your life" was something she said to me, and while I disagree, that's a moot point, because long before I met her I had decided that those past feelings weren't as I thought them. I had been so caught up in what was happening that I didn't bother really questioning how I felt. When I told her this, she explained to me that it was just an excuse.
I guess the question I wanted to ask is this: Does her position make any sense to you? She told me that she asked several of her close friends what they thought about this situation (though I don't know exactly how she told them), and that they all concluded that I was a lying assface, that I didn't really mean what I said to her, and that it was idiotic for her to do anything other than break up with me.
She tells me that it's all just logic. I'm trying to be as objective as I possibly can, and the only logic I can see is so
subjective that it only makes sense to her and the people she spoke to.
If I haven't made it clear, we're broken up and she never wants to talk to me again.
What are your thoughts?
I fucking love her, man. I couldn't have possibly meant it any more.
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Comments (276)
yeah this is why i made sure to make my aim and xanga names completely different, and don't sign up to any blogrings relating to communities to which i belong irl =)
She seems to be way too jealous. How can she expect you to not have felt the ways you felt about other girls before you two met? Don't worry, I'm sure there's someone else that's a much better fit for you than her.
she seems a bit psycho if you ask me.
Although this seems really silly, try looking at it in her perspective. It sounds like she has some underlying trust issues and I am guessing they come from previous relationships in which she was with smooth guys that WOULD do such a thing. She is starting to feel like she loves you, and things are going well. Too well. Where are the secrets, and the back stabbings she's come to expect? They must be there! Somewhere! I'm sketching here, but this is how it makes sense to me at least...although one can go on and on about giving everyone a fresh start, we as humans do not. We learn and our behavior changes do to past experiences into more functional or dysfunctional ways to help us survive.
Her "logic" doesn't really make sense to me. She sounds like she has trust issues, to be honest. Why was she googling your name? Your reason was that "she's not stupid." I don't get it. If she says something like that, after doing something like that, it shows that she was paranoid. Whether she was paranoid about who you are, whether you're out with other girls, or whatever - she was paranoid.
I'm going to make an assumption and say that she was jealous of those posts. That was probably one of the issues. She saw you saying all those things, didn't see much about how that wasn't how you really felt, and the green eyed angry monster took over her - which results in, well, you know what that results in.
I understand why she was upset if you said the exact same thing about those girls that you were saying to her. She actually does have logic there. If you said it to them or about them so easily, what does that mean about her? Especially knowing that you didn't really feel that way about them. You were dating her for a short period, maybe you didn't feel that way about her and only thought you did.
Basically, she was paranoid. Possibly didn't trust you. She saw things, and had valid feelings about what she saw. She then made the mistake of jumping the gun, not listening to your point of view. Nothing that I'm saying is meant to be offensive, by the way, in case it comes off that way.
No girl (or guy) likes to see what she saw. We don't want to think that our SO has said the same things to someone else as what they say to us. We all like to think we're special, that we're the only one they've loved, cared for, or even looked at in their life. The rough reality outside of that dream world is that yes, our SO's have most likely said some of the same things to other people. Humans just aren't typically creative enough to make new phrases every time they think they care a lot about somebody. I sympathize with you both.
@ernie4life7@xanga - Agreed. Though I was about to say "crazy bitch" instead. Same thing.
Apparently, people are supposed to be perfect and psychic, being able to know whether they'll TRULY love someone in the future, so as to avoid saying such things at the moment. And rather for the reason of being lazy or not feeling like deleting stuff, or figuring that maybe people would think logically and realize that we are only human, people are expected to delete past blogs if they said anything that has changed since then.
@pillowpixies@xanga - She took all the words out of my mouth.
She is completely right.
Yeah, well for her to break up with you I believe that is very childish but I can understand that she doesn't feel special and thinks you're lying. Now what made it worse was that you told her you never loved someone as much as she did.
& She read all that so she thinks you're a liar.
If anything feelings are bound to change sometimes. Sometimes when you're in a relationship you think it's love then after months and months of being broken up. You realize that it wasn't.
Some people don't know how to grasp that. And if she can't grasp it. Fuck her. She ain't smart enough to realize when someone has changed.
i can see where she is coming from.
for me, at least, i find it much harder to trust someone who has said the same things to another girl. it DOES come across like you cycle through all girls the same way, doesn't matter if you changed your mind or whatever other bullshit.
you have to make her see that you really mean it. think "10 things i hate about you," when heath dances and sings on the bleachers! woot!
I can understand it from her perspective, as well as yours, though hers is ... harder to grasp. I think she's just jealous and a bit intimidated by your past relationships. Maybe she wanted to be your first. Maybe she thought she was the first girl you said "i love you" to and meant it and so looking back and reading your blogs about other girls caused her to just ... explode.
I don't know. I mean, everybody has a past, and we have to understand that no matter what. So I also see why you're so "wtheck" about the whole situation. I think she was a bit too harsh in just breaking up with you. If she had feelings for you, she should still have them now so ... maybe it was just a spur of the moment "i want to show you how angry I am" that she just broke up with you. Hopefully she'll realize how wrong she was in breaking up with you and talk to you again. :/ If not, well ... move on?
I understand why she would be upset. I would be a little upset if I knew that my boyfriend was saying the same things to me that he has said to girls in the past. I would ask so what is so different about me? I might break up because of my own insecurity, not because I thought he was lying.
On the other hand, I wouldn't go looking for information like that, because I know it would upset me. The bomb has already dropped, you are better off to move on and make old posts private.
Overly emotional bitch. You have two options: accept that you fell in love with a woman who mistakes her jealousy and emotions for "rational thinking", and accept the hurt and all of the pain that entails hoping something like this won't happen again. Or, become more like her - that is, overly selective and distrustful.
Totally jealous, and seeing as it was back in high school that you went out with the other girl she is over the top. People say a lot of things in high school. I told someone I loved them after being with them for a week while I was in high school.
Things change, but obviously she hasn't matured. Or she was looking for something bad about you for some reason.
Seems like there are underlying trust issues. I actually created my xanga site just so my *friend* could read it. Whatever I write, I write because I want him to know and I feel like he needs to know about me and my past whether he likes it or not.
okay, she's totally flung off the handle. i've had the argument with almost every girlfriend (except my recent and longest one). as i am sitting next to her, she agrees with what i am about to say:
if you explain to her that you felt differently, she should respect that. also, if it's you repeating the same things you said to them that makes her angry, then she should know that it's hard to make new words for new people.
so im guessing she was born yesterday, and has no past whatsoever. correct? a bit close mindedness mixed with jealousy.
i actually did the same thing with my current boyfriend. a while back when we first started going out, i read all his xanga entries. about his exes and many of them were heartfelt, especially the ones he wrote when they broke up. i took it differently though. reading how much he loved them and what they did to him, made me happy I'm with him now. the entries made my love for him stronger, knowing I'll be the one who wouldn't do that to him. it gave me a reason to do more for him. more to prove i guess.
do you really think a relationship with someone who doesn't trust you enough to say 'because im not stupid"; look through your entries with an already planted idea in her head that you didnt love her to begin with; plus not trust your love. i mean think of five years from now dude. if she is going to such extremes now, marriage would be horrible!!! we all come with baggage, good luck to her as well to find a man who doesnt. she should be happy you were open to her looking through your entries. many women do not even know half of their men's past.
Of course her close friends are going to agree with her. Â They're loyal to her and follow a "girls' code" or some other kind of bullshit that makes some women incapable of rational, reasonable thinking.
But she sounds extremely insecure, immature and crazy to me. Â And not the good kind of crazy.
it seems like she doesn't trust or believe things you say. finding out about your previous relationships could've made her a little uneasy about what you say to her, but it doesn't lead to breaking up. o_O i think she's kinda overreacting.
I see she needs to learn about a little (BIG) thing called: COMMUNICATION.
It works wonders when you use this special skill.
We all get jealous people! It's all about how we handle this jealousy when we meet it.
And I'm only giving one eProp to even out my credit count. :P
She's a psycho bitch. Oh, I would take any "logic" from a girl with a big grain of salt.
she's crazy. her friends are only siding with her because they're her friend.
You love her and it's special, yet you've run the exact same lines past her as the other woman. If this is just a coincidence, or that's just the style you write, then you need to tell her that.
BTW- There is some hilarious shit on google. I was bored and googled a bunch of different people.
well i understand her perspective
girls gets insecured*
and you told her you love her - so early in the relationship already !?!
and reading your entries - she begins to wonder whether or not you really mean it
can you really love someone in that short period of time
you just need to prove* to her that you're not a lying asshole
i think she has the right to be upset- but that's because i believe you can have a right to do anything as long as it's not harmful for others and yourself. however, you've done nothing wrong. it's not wrong to have had feelings in the past. if people's feeligns don't change, why are there so many divorces? obviously that says something. she wants to give herself an excuse to do something drastic. in time, maybe she'll look back and be like, "i was stupid"
She's insecure and has trust issues. However much you may think you love her, you're better off without her. Sorry :( Life tends to be cruel.Â
@beetunes@xanga - Oh that was soooooooo hott =]