Tuesday, 12 May 2009
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Dating After College Sucks.
It would have been nice if someone warned me about this.. not that I had much control over it, but I was more busy keeping up with my grades at that time, other than looking for someone to spend rest of my time with. You gotta admit, dating after college is extremely difficult. You don't want to necessarily want to find romance at work (not to mention the awkwardness), I don't think we're going for "quality" if we go for the bar scene, then we have this technology which makes us nothing but cyber stalkers overnight. Some succeed, yes, but then there's the rest of us (the majority) who just fail (or still hope someday the magical match machine will find me a match). It's conflicting...most say, "don't put yourself out there - you look desperate," but then there's another saying, "if you stay at home, how are you going to meet anyone?" Both are valid, but honestly, if you're searching - not that you ever would want to admit to it, you are desperate. You've done every possible "normal" thing out there to put yourself in the public, but zip! Nada. Nothing.
I thought I was doing the "noble" thing by waiting. I believed in that myth that if you wait, then you'll meet that person. Uh, waiting ain't so peachy when your friends are registering for wedding gifts and announcing their, not first, but second child. Oh, and not to mention the fact that the rules change as the gap between your graduation date gets deeper and larger. Same rules don't apply for the recent graduates and those who've been out there lost for long.
Why didn't anyone tell me about this? Huh? You gotta play by different rules. Now I get to broaden my choices to divorced guys and men with children. Is this supposed to be a blessing? Here's my "glass-half-full" response to that. They've been through it, so they should be more careful (if that was true...).
It must be nice for guys because they can just go for younger, hotter ladies...but for older ladies, we gotta evolve and change to survive. As a result, we become these stubborn, rigid, non-comprising people, which men absolutely hate. For those nice guys, they would say that we know what we want, but others will say - you selfish bitch. Leave us out there, we gotta get selfish to survive and sometimes it just sticks whether we like it or not.
So, does the problem lie in you? If I were the third person, my finger would point to you, (me, whatever) but I'm finding that to be so unfair. It just seems like I'm stuck in a no-win situation. I just don't know what to do anymore.
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Comments (57)
I can't agree more that dating after college sucks. I found someone in college, but if I hadn't it would be really hard. I guess get into community things and find someone with similar interests that way.
What's wrong with online dating? That's how I met my guy. And the last one too ;-P You should give it a rip. Match.com is like a fuc'ing supermarket.
well i barely started college and all I hear from my mom is that you will have time to meet guys when you're done
Umm mom where exactly am I suppose to meet anyone?
I completely agree with you. I actually met my boyfriend my freshman year of college and now I'm about to be a senior come fall. I always wondered how graduates who do not have that socializing cushion that college students do, meet their special other.
In all movies, people meet when accidentally bumping into each other at a grocery store or something ridiculous happens. Wow this is making me think twice about really holding on to my relationship! Scary.@Kathleen_g@xanga - Yeahhh I barely meet people in my classes let alone outside of them.
haha. Another thing for me to worry about! I just made a blog yesterday about how I worried that my weight and personality were keeping me from finding a guy. I have personally expressed that I believe I'm wasting my good years being fat. And now I gotta worry about finding a guy before I finish college! Thank god I still have a good long while. a couple of years at least.
just date college boys.
I agree with you except that guys have it easier. I think its exactly the same. Though I do say I think men have it easier in terms of the age, as long as you are rich. Pretty much the women I have met all have a kid or are people who don't have their life together. I am an understanding person, but I 1) get insulted because these women aren't interested in me until they have messed up with someone else. I've always been the nice guy so this kind of makes sense, but just because doesn't mean I am stupid. 2) I honestly don't care what my SO does as long as she is happy, but I find it really hypocritical that women wanted super-"successful" men yet struggle to support themselves. I sympathize, i really do I know its not easy especially in this economy, but don't judge a guy to a set of standards you yourself can't even live up to.
My advice is to just live your life. Though finding an SO is important, you should have a life of your own. Hanging out with your friends, when the opportunity arises to go out take it. Keep your options open. I know from my statements above it seems like I am bashing on women like that, but thats because I gave myself the opportunity to try it. And though I am in the same boat, I don't think its right be in a relationship for the sake of it or because you are lonely. Be in a relationship because you genuinely like the person. If you find yourself not liking anyone them make a stronger effort to meet more people and/or seriously look at yourself and maybe change the things that you don't like about yourself in a safe way.
OH NO! Plz don't say that! I'm technically post grad now (got clinicals and I'm done) =(
Oh you're definitely right. College was such a great place to meet people, but once you're out it can be pretty hard to find someone when you're working all the time.
...I keep thinking about this, and the more I think about it, the more I realize I have no way to give an opinion on it. (Of all the girls I've dated since I started college, I've met all but two of them at school [one I met at church, the other I met through an online matching site...wasn't bad, but I'd rather not go that route again]).
That said, it adds a positive light to a negative thing for me. As I wrote in a fairly recent blog, I let things get to the point where I'm (another) semester behind in college. At least it's one more semester during which I can meet people!
@dreamerboi23@xanga - Great advice, man.
I'll add some that's been given to me, since I've often suffered from nice-guy syndrome: Toughen up. The more you refuse to budge for a woman, the more she (strangely?) likes it.
...oh no, I only have one more year to find someone!
Glad to see I am not alone in this.
This is my fear. I am about to graduate from college single -- but I really worry that I am going to have an extraordinarily difficult time finding anyone after college. The dating scene becomes much more difficult when you're not guaranteed the luxury of being constantly surrounded by a bunch of people around your own age.
Couple that with the fact that I am a bit shy, and I think I am screwed.
I'm only 22, and MY dating pool is all guys with kids and divorcees. Kids are doing this crap way younger these days, having babies at 16. Ugh.
What. The. Hell. I don't want to date a guy who already has an ex wife and baby-mama drama. No thanks.
Or worse... they get along and you get insecure!
Luckily enough, I found a slightly younger (21, and thankfully childless) guy who I intend on tying the knot with. We met online gaming. (WoW is great >.>)
My advice is to join a hobby club. Join a karate dojo that has adult-only classes, or check a gaming shop for weekly Dungeons and Dragons games. Most guys there, in my experience, are at least 24, some as old as 50!
Sign up for an art class at a museum or something. Just pick a hobby, and you'll find someone good. Eventually x.x
i met my beau before college. lol
i agreeeeeee, man.
because it's the time of age where it's all supposed to be about fun
You know what you need, Xanga Personals.
OK, I'm going to let you in on a secret. Make friends with a military wife. She will have the scoop on all the hot, single guys in the area. Military people always have parties and it isn't like the bar scene, but there will be beer.
College dating is make believe...
spend some time traveling
so totally agree. I've met some people in college, but they all have ended up not working out for some reason or another. I just keep telling myself that somewhere out there that has got to be the right one. Hang in there..it will happen.
this post scared me a little. cause I thought finding someone when you're in college is difficult... I hadn't even thought about after college!
I should get to work.
Just go into cougar mode.