@Viserys@xanga - Totally agree with you. OP is waffling and not doing "Joe" any favors by stringing him along. Yes, we all have wants and needs but that should not overshadow the need to be truthful to those that you "love"

after your long term relationship, you've stumbled upon someone that you lust after(carl) and someone that you want to date seriously(joe) but you are too selfish to choose just one because it seems like you want both; superficial sexual relationship with carl and to seriously date joe, who seems to be more deserving than have someone cheat on him because of the long distance. the decision is essentially up to you but my recommendations is to break up with all of them and just become a bonified ruthless player, who doesn't intend to committ to anyone, not that it is a bad thing, just that current circumstances don't really permit such seriousness and drama 

step one: tell joe you don't want a serious relationship, especially if it is long distance.

ANytime you get a boy, he will turn it to something serious, because that is what he wants. So, I'd suggest a few things to do:

a) break it with him
b) call him a friend. Nobody goes into a relationship and wants nothing serious. It sounds liek bluffing. or.
c) Cut the crap and just let the guy be your rock already. No man likes to be put to the side. He has meaningful and powerful love to exchange with someone who doesn't mind being close with him. You don't say you love somebody, and act like you'll get a disease, if you get into a reationship with the guy. You just don't.

@Viserys@xanga -  Well, you will be happy to know that Joe and I made it clear that we were not going to be doing an LDR, and that the best thing we have going for each other is the friendship we have so we are staying friends, and moving on with our lives.

It may seem strange that even though i love him, i dont consider moving where he is, BUT i have already moved several states away to be with someone before (the same person i had an LDR with) and it didnt work out for me. Based off of that experience, i dont feel ready to move again. I want to seriously consider doing me for awhile before i jump into the whole relationship boat again.

I never said that i wasnt taking responsibility when it came to hooking up with Carl, but i did not go out with him with that INTENT; i should have said no from the beginning because I knew he wanted to hook up with me, and a drive in movie is not the best place to avoid something like that. I am a pretty naive person, who thought that it wouldnt get to the point where it did, especially because many other guys had tried to bed me already and i was able to say no and walk away from it. I do feel bad for keeping things from Joe, but again, we are not technically dating, nor have we been dating.......i made Joe well aware of the fact that i was not ready to start a relationship from the beginning and he agreed and understood.

Many of you many not understand my logic, and that's fine. Joe and i have been apart before, and he even dated and had girlfriends in the period when we had no contact with each other, yet still thought about me, as i did about him. We both know we want to be with each other but embrace the fact that maybe right now is not the best time.

Ur kind of selfish, why does he have to onlii move to you, if he asked u to move to him would u? doesnt seem like u would because u havent even posted anything about that. U need to just move on and do u and let joe do him. stop trying to keep him around for whatever reason it is. people have feelings and ur being selfish. let him be happy with someone else that deserves him.

u're a selfish bitch!!
u don't even love Joe~

sounds like you want the best of both worlds...

Here's the thing(from the male POV)... when you get it in your head that the girl doesnt want anything serious... and you sorta kinda do... one of two things can happen-

You ignore the fact that she just wants to hang out and fuck and spend your money on food and just act as if you two are in an exclusive relationship and just be prepared t be devastated and have your heart broken somewhere down the line; still in the mindset of treating her extra special and doing boyfriend type things for her even though you know the inevitability... which makes YOU feel like shit because you dont want to hurt his feelings and its fustrating playing the waiting game of when you can't take anymore of it and HAVE to break his heart.

OR, he understands you and acts accordingly... and by "acts accordingly" I mean... maybe talk to you on the one once a week IF that, and if he does it'll be while hes stuck in traffic or in the middle of cooking just so the convo can be brief. And he'll only make an effort to link up with you when he's gotta raging hard-on and wants to, basically, "use your body to masturbate" It'll never be the same with this level of truth but this whole having your cake and eating it to is total bullshit. Be an adult and cut that shit out.

Ontop of all of that, you're in a relationship with someone over the phone while fucking other people. This is rough water you're treading. And VERY selfish. I mean how would you play the situation of both of those men were also fucking/seeing other women? How quick would you be able to make a decision or distinguish an ACTUAL dilemma over just a man thinking with his dick, because thats essentially what you're doing now. Getting your back blown out by the guy who's closer to you but keeping a juggling act going with the guy you would LIKE to blow your back out for you later, that you share an emotional bond with.

Regardless, I hope it pans out with neither of you getting heartache too badly.

@cubancutiepie@xanga - Yes dear, my eloquence is unrivaled.

Nobody held your hand and patted you on the back. Im so sorry everyone basically sees what YOU DONT. You ARE being selfish. If you wanted a bullshit answer you should have written this in an email to a casual friend who is used to lying to you so not to hurt your feelings about how shitty of a situation you put two otherwise clueless men (and yourself) into, unprovoked.

This datingish "collective conscious", if you will, about what the "right" thing to do in the situation IS un-bias. We don't fucking know you, so we assessed the situation with the first thoughts that came into mind from the portrait you painted.

Dont get upset because you didnt get the tender Opera Winfrey moment you were expecting. Shit happens, we get placed in dilemmas we thought could never happen to us and this is where you are. From what you've told us about this, you're the "bad guy" here.

This isnt saying you're a bad PERSON.. you just made a few bad mistakes as far as playing with people's emotions go. I mean if youre writing a story about it here to perfect strangers you saw your actions as being fucked up enough to have doubt right? You knew exactly what you should do before you wrote it... you were doing what a lot of us do; looking for an easy way to go about doing whats going to have to be done anyway.

Or you could just say fuck it and keep having fun, but is having your cake and eating it too worth your peace of mind?

@blufrogz37@xanga - I was actually wondering the same thing.

@erahslover@xanga - First, i dont sleep around. Carl was an isolated incident. Second, no, having my cake and eating it too is not worth my piece of mind. I dont expect for anyone to hold my hand and make me feel all better, what i do want to hear is what others would have done in my shoes or what they did if they were in the same situation, not what i should be doing. Ultimately, i wanted some feedback, which is why i wrote it. You're absolutely right, i knew exactly what i needed to do, but saying it and doing it are two completely different things, they are not one in the same. It's hard to do what I feel is right if i feel like i could be hurting someone. Joe and I have decided to cut out trying to be with each other, so now we're really "over", before we ever began. It's a little bittersweet but i think it's the right thing to do.

Anyways, i appreciate all your comments in response to my post, but i could have dealt without the "selfish bitch" comment just because i may be a little selfish, but i'm not a bitch at all.