I've been dating this guy for 5 years - I just had a baby by him. I am 32 and he is 27. We've had our ups and downs, but what relationship hasn't? I was his first real girlfriend; he never had a job, so I was taking care of him.
We were having problems about a year ago, so I put him out; he went to hang out with friends and he met this 17-year-old who slept around and already had given birth to a child. He fell for her after knowing her a month, then he went to jail for nine months; she had a baby and she says it's his.
I didn't find out about the baby until I was on a trip with his family. He tried to deny the baby's his - he says there's a 50/50 chance he's the father but that he's sorry he didn't tell me about it before. This girl had been coming to his mother's house with this baby and I never knew anything about it for five months. He later told me he was in love with her and me.
I spoke with the young girl and she knew about me; she knew he stayed with me and he told her he loved me but he was in love with her. The girl is homeless and she sleeps with a lot of guys.
I told him he had to make a choice, and he left me three weeks ago. He went back to jail and he called me telling me that he didn't have a future with this girl; could I give him another chance? He promised never to lie and the only contact he will have with her is to spend time with the baby. How could he leave me and realize later that I was the one for him?
I'm starting to think he is no good; he is young and confused. I don't know what to do - I love him so mu ch. He doesn't know what to do with his feelings. Help me!
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Comments (86)
He is TROUBLE.
The only reason he wants you back is because he wants to get out of jail. DO you really see a future with a guy that didn't tell you that he MIGHT be having another baby? I'd say just move on, this guy is not worth your time. There are plenty of other nice guys out there.
Sweetheart he is bad news. Stay clear. Guys do not change...period. You know what you needa do in your heart...
I'll be prayin' for you.
I have a saying. Once a cheater, always a cheater. From the sounds of it, he wants to get back with you for all the wrong reasons. My guess is, he wants to get back with you because you're "safe". You seem like a sensible woman. Leave him in the dust and find a man that'll appreciate you for who you are.
He is no good. Trust me. The only reason he is calling you back is because he realized with you at least he has some type of financial stability. He'll use you. End of story.
Yeahh, I think he's trouble. You should steer clear of him. He'll only end up hurting you again.
look... the fact that there is ANY chance that kid is his means there might as well be no doubt. he is nothing but trouble.
"How could he leave me and realize later that I was the one for him?'
Look, if you were in his shoes, your heart'd be aching for another chance too.
one word...
trouble
he must be good-looking
Starting to? I got that impression when you said he is 27 and went for a 17 year old.
Should have kicked him out before having his baby.
@Lordv16@xanga - Hahahaha, my exact reaction was "STARTING TO?" as well. Shit. This guy has bad news written ALL over him. And has had bad new written all over him for awhile, from the sounds it.
He's a LOSER.
You MUST stay strong and give him the damn boot. Do you want your child to grow up around someone like that? Someone that's constantly going to jail and screwing around?! I loved my ex too, and I was w/ him for 10 years. Fortunately we didn't have any children together, so it makes it a bit easier for us to cut all ties.
I was lost & hopeless for a while, but guess what? I'm at a much better place now. I've learned to be a much stronger person on my own after the breakup. It's no easy task but look at the bundle of joy in front of you and tell yourself that this baby deserves to be treated with respect. If you can't love yourself enough to leave this loser, then at least love your baby enough to KNOW that this baby deserves the WORLD. Something that the deadbeat dad isn't providing at the moment.
Good luck! :D
are you serious?
Sorry, hun...he's trouble. There's no double takes here.
Not only is he bad news, I honestly don't see any redeeming qualities in the boy. Emphasis on the word boy. He appears to still be a child.
And, please don't tell me that he went to jail for being with that girl.
I have no idea why it took you SO long to see that he's bad for you. He's a kid; you shouldn't have to raise your child AND him, he has to hit rock bottom (although if he's in jail for more reasons than one, you'd think he'd know by now?), fall flat on his face and figure his own shit out.
2 babies? Has no one heard of a condom?
But I would've put the halt on that when I found out he was 22 and never had a job. Wtf. Lol
Absolutely stay away from him. Read Stanton Samenow's book on the criminal mind. I've been working as a therapist at a state prison for male offenders, and guys like him are a dime-a-dozen in there. Get away, stay away, and consider changing your phone number.
Run awaaaaaay.
Is this for real?
Please tell us why you love him so much.
In order to be in a relationship, you need to respect your significant other. Is that possible for you? Maybe, maybe not. Regardless, I would stay away. Once more STAY AWAY. You don't want to raise your child around this man. And I dare say, you don't want to live with this. I know its not easy to hear and that you want to give him another chance, but you need to draw the line here. Maybe some limited communication with him. But no seeing him all the time. It isn't healthy for you or your child.
To put it bluntly, you're being an idiot. Don't say you "don't know what to do," either--you know EXACTLY what to do but you can't because you looooove him. I can't believe a woman of 32 years of age could possibly act like she's a lovesick teenager...but even a lot of teens are smarter than this.
No one should have to tell you this, but it's obvious that this guy is nothing but trouble, and a "confused," selfish jerk who is taking advantage of the fact that two women are pursuing him. I pray that this child grows up to be smarter than the both of you.
He's a jerk and bad news. Your child does not need a father like this. Stay awwwwayyy!
the problem is that u can't cut him off completely, since he's the father of ur baby. u need to think long and hard what ur willing to sacrifice for ur kid. he seems too irresponsible to have 2 kids, but kids aren't always born to responsible people. =T