Miss Alligator(part one is
here)
E. & I became friendly again throughout my freshman year of college. We talked sometimes over AIM, but I was involved with other guys and didn't really have such an interest in him anymore.
Fast forward to February-ish 2009. I had been with my current boyfriend for a while and loved him. E. was someone from my past, though I still loved the guy as a friend.
E. started initiating conversation with me more than he usually did. In one particular conversation, he called me adorable and inferred that he regretted missing his chance with me. I didn't flirt back with him when he said these things, just tried to ignore them. I couldn't.
In a second conversation with E., he told me he was thinking about asking out a mutual friend of ours. I hadn't replied yet when he said, "But then, I thought of you." To me, this meant that he couldn't ask her out because he still had feelings for me. I flirted back. I joked, sort of seriously
, that I'd be jealous if he asked her out. He asked me why. I didn't know. Then, after a few seconds of silence on both ends, I apologized and admitted that I shouldn't have said that. He said that he shouldn't have said what he'd said, either.
I asked him why he'd been flirting with me. He only replied saying,
I really shouldn't have said all that.
I thought the reason he was trying to take it back was because I had a boyfriend. Maybe he wanted to take it back as to not cause trouble between me and Nick.
We didn't flirt like that again. For a month, my head swirled with all the possibilities.
Did he like me? Did I like him? Could we get together? What about Nick? What should I do? E. and I finally got to hang out around midnight. We went to a random park we found. We sat on the swings talking until the sun came up.
The next day, I talked to E. online. He told me he didn't think I understood what was going to happen between us.
"What's going to happen between us?" I asked.
"Absolutely nothing," he said.
I was heartbroken again. I asked him why he'd said all those flirtatious things to me, and he told me it was because he was feeling nostalgic about us, but that he realized he didn't have any feelings for me anymore. Turns out, the reason he kept trying to take back his flirty comments was because he didn't mean them.
I told him that he'd led me on and that he didn't deserve my friendship. He said he would've cleared things up sooner, but he didn't want to hurt me. I told him that he'd hurt me anyway, and the next time he thinks he's got a chance with me, he can forget it. He'd ruined his chances with me forever.
And that's the end of the story with E. Or maybe it isn't. Maybe we'll become friends again. Maybe I'll never want to be his friend again. I'm not sure. Guess I'll have to wait and find out what happens next.
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Comments (21)
awww i just read part one and read this!
tbh, i dont think hes worth your time anymore
i thnk if you keep being friends, he'll mite hurt u again
awww. :'(
:( (L)
I kind of feel bad for E. He was honest with you because he respected your friendship and you sort of blew up at him for that.
i feel sorry for Nick.
So in a way, E. turned out to be "one of those guys" after all. No use in trying to see what happens next. If you really care about your boyfriend, then anything that "happens" with E. doesn't matter.
@oO_km_Oo@xanga - agreed
you keep talking about how much you love nick in your other posts, yet this leads me to believe you do not love him as much as you say you do.
I wonder ... did you tell your boyfriend about all this? It seems like this E. guy wanted to flirt with you (knowing you had a boyfriend) just to see if you were interested in him, so he could boost up his ego.
And you did kinda flirt back :/
From what I just read, E is not worth your time. :\ For him to do something like that is very despicable. If anything, you should forget about him because chances are he'll act this way again. :\
@oO_km_Oo@xanga - I agree with you there. I feel bad for Nick, also. :(
Hmm...I think you should just be friends with E (nothing more, and don't respond or initiate flirts). If you really cherish and love your boyfriend, do not think of "what if's." It's not worth ruining your current relationship with you boyfriend. Past feelings for E should stay in the past, do not think of the possibilities because you really aren't being fair to Nick.
This is sort of like what had happened to me. The guy kept leading me on to the wrong road and I finally realize I can't be friends with him because in the end I'll always be the one getting hurt. I don't think you should continue to be friend with him.
I was expecting you two to get back together and then you'd say something like, "He's the one the picture."
I agree with the other couple of people who said they feel sorry for Nick. I mean, you said that E led you on and broke your heart again. Since you were with Nick, that shouldn't have happened. When he initially began flirting, that was the time to ask him to stop. Sounds like E was simply really, really confused at the end of this one. He's not interested in you, you have a boyfriend, there should be no more to this story.
Ouch. Such as sad ending to what could've been a great love story .. I'm kinda hoping for a part three, it sounds like too much to end there. :/
he flrited with you because it's fun. you flirted back because you liked the idea that he liked you, he still had feelings for you in spite of your new relatinship with Nick and when you two both took back the flirtatious comments, it made it real. It wasn't fun anymore; it made it seem like you've crossed a line somewhere. Guilt settled in and a sense of responsibility hovered over him.Â
he did the right thing when he told you that he didn't have any feelings for you but he did enjoy flirting with you. Some people flirt when they're bored, they also flirt when people they're flirting with flirts back even though they're in a relationship because they too are having fun with the attention they're getting. He's as much to blame for the missed chance as you are. You flirted with him until you realized what that action could do to Nick. But while you were flirting with him and even after you both apologized for crossing that line, you were contemplating the possibility of being with him. You were ahead of him by STEPS and he realized, he had to clear the air. It's not his fault that he doesn't feel the same kind of emotions for you that you seem to hold (partially even) for him. You say you love Nick and yet you flirted with E. There's nothing entirely WRONG about flirting as long as you two both know that's all it is. You did not. You began contemplating what COULD happen and now you're mad at him because he said nothing would.
I think you should grant him the friendship that he salvaged when he decided to tell you what's up. And when you two decided to hang out, you decided to hang out at a park, sitting on a swing set, watching the sun rise? Are you playing with fire on PURPOSE? when you have all those contemplating questions in your head about "what do I do about Nick the boyfriend?" you hang out with the guy in the middle of the night? +_+ Maybe I'm coming off as brutally honest but I think you should also take responsibility for your own actions. At least he's being honest about WHY he did what he did, right? He's not trying to play some crazy mind games to make you feel all mushy about him...instead, he told your his reason. So respect him for that, not punish him for having a level of integrity.
@RazorBladeParade@xanga - Well, he led me on knowingly, even if the reason for that was because he didn't want to hurt me. It would've hurt me less if he'd been straightforward from the minute he said anything he didn't mean.
@oO_km_Oo@xanga - Trust me, I felt sooo bad for having feelings for E. when I knew I was in love with Nick. Nick knew about my crush on E. from the beginning, because I was honest with him about it. I was scared, because I knew in the end I wanted to be with Nick, and talking about the whole thing helped me deal with it & try to get over E.
@KasumiCelesta@xanga - Well, 'one of those guys' inferred to the guy who I'd had a sort of physical fling with, so I wouldn't consider E. to be one of those guys, because nothing physical ever went on between us, ever.
@inn0centanqelx89@xanga - This whole situation with E. happened back in February. My love for Nick never changed, I just had obnoxious feelings for E. Ever since everything E. ended and my feelings went away, I have been 100 percent in love with Nick. I know that leaving Nick for E. would've been the biggest mistake ever, because Nick is just the best guy out there for me right now. No stupid feelings for E. changed that fact.
@a_single_raindrop@xanga - My boyfriend knows every single thing about the whole deal. I told him as it all progressed. I was scared, because I knew I loved Nick, but I had these obnoxious feelings for E., that I just wished would go away. I knew logically that leaving my boyfriend would've been a badd bad idea. I know I flirted back, and I think that was because E. was the first guy I ever fell for, and I guess those unresolved feelings came back once he started flirting with me.
@ichigo705@xanga - I don't really plan on talking to E. in the future at this point. I don't have a reason to. I don't even want to be his friend.
@xSayakax@xanga - No worries, I did know throughout this whole thing that leaving my boyfriend would be the stupidest mistake of my life, & I know that even given the chance to choose, I would've chosen Nick.
@ThoCon320@xanga - Mhm, I don't plan on continuing any sort of friendship with him. At least, not in the foreseeable future.
@mycontinuity@xanga - Nope, his story does not end that way. Even given the choice, I would've chosen Nick. He's better for me in a thousand ways & I love him. My crush on E. was not as strong as my love for my boyfriend.
@kor_girl@xanga - I totally see what you're saying. I thank you for your honesty, because I do see that I was really in the wrong with some of my actions. You live, you learn.
@missalligator - Yeah, I knew that was what you meant. He may not have become one of 'those' guys, but by flirting with you and leading you on, he didn't really turn out to be much better than them. That's sort of what I meant.
Too much drama, just leave it at friendship. From your past comments, I thought you were quite happy with your boyfriend.
@missalligator - Well he was talking about going out with this other girl, and then you started flirting with him too even though you have a boyfriend. So I can't help but think you're both mutually responsible and equally undeserving of that friendship.
@KasumiCelesta@xanga - Ah, I getcha.
@GaMeGurLsH@xanga - I am very happy with my boyfriend, always have been. It's just these stupid crushes on E. that temporarily got in the way.
@RazorBladeParade@xanga - No, you're right. I haven't contacted him purposely ever since we last talked, because I just don't see a need to continue anything more with him. Although there wouldn't be a temptation to flirt, because I know now he has zero interest in me, I still don't really want to even be his friend. He's making his way onto my list of people I'd rather not talk to.
aww, I feel bad for Nick too