Saturday, 09 May 2009

• The One That Got Away, Part One

  Miss Alligator
  
  E. was a friend of a friend. I always thought he was cool and wanted to get to know him, but never got the chance until we were in photography class together my senior year of high school. E. was a junior. I admired his quirky confidence and sense of humor and developed a bit of a crush on him.
  
  Prom was coming up. E. was the only guy I could imagine myself going with, so even though we weren't the closest of friends, I asked him. He said yes. Between then and the actual prom, we became friends.
  
  Prom was a pretty amazing night for me. We'd gone as friends, but I think we both came out of that experience feeling more. We hung out the entire time. If we weren't dancing like crazy people, we talked about music (we both love classic rock) and a bunch of other things. At one point, when we were talking, a song that I love to dance to came on. It was "You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC ;] I grabbed his hand and dragged him to the dance floor. As our fingers lightly touched, I felt sparks fly up my arm and throughout my entire body.
  
  After that, school was basically over for seniors, so I couldn't see him at the only place I really ever saw him. We talked a ton online. I was having a hard time with a few other guys in my life and he helped me through it via AIM. We talked about anything and everything. I think this was when we became pretty close. After one particularly hard night with the guy I'd been hooking up with and this other guy who was sort of into me, I called him to save me from all the drama. On top of all the other drama, my crush on E. was pretty major. We drove around a bunch, and before we said goodbye, I tried to kiss him (horrible timing, I soon realized). He declined, saying he "didn't wanna be one of those guys." I was pretty devastated.
  
  The next time I talked to him, I explained that he would never be one of those guys in my eyes. He meant so much more to me. I basically confessed my feelings for him. He said in response that we could hang out some more and see what happened.
   
  Another summer night, I called him to pick me up so we could drive around and hang out. We ended up going to a park, sitting on a tire swing together, talking about everything. He put his arm around me and I leaned against him. It was pretty magical. I could tell he liked me, too. I didn't want to rush things with him, though, so that was all that happened.
  
  I was ecstatic after this night. I felt like life was full of possibility and potential. I left for the beach the next day, unfortunately. For the week I was at the beach, we kept in touch but he started acting more distant than he had been. I finally asked him what was up, and he said he thought it would be best if we stayed just friends. I prodded him for more information until he finally told me that he really liked me, but was in love with his best friend and was afraid that being with me might get in the way of any chance he had of getting with his best friend. I was heartbroken. All of this had happened so fast. He told me the song "If I Needed Someone" by the Beatles was the best way he could explain this. It's true.
  
  I saw him once more before I left the state to go college in North Carolina. We behaved like friends. I actually felt, at this point, that we were closer than ever. I felt grateful that we could at least be friends, as he was, in my opinion, one of the greatest guys I'd ever met. I still felt we were perfect for each other.  I didn't get over him for quite a while.
  
  That's part one of the story - check back tomorrow for part two!

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