Friday, 08 May 2009
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Asking Someone Out? Use Your Manners.
Call me old fashioned but I believe a man should always treat a woman like a lady. Don't worry, this isn't an anti-feminist rant; I'm simply saying that men should respect women at all times. What do I mean? Open the door for me, pull out my chair, at least OFFER to pay when we eat out together. Is that asking too much? I once went on a date with this guy. He took me to this restaurant and before I even had an opportunity to look at the menu he said, "you know you're paying for your dinner, right?" Wow. I said yes, of course (I always bring enough money for the date...and a taxi ride just in case) but seriously?
Another guy asked me out to see a movie. We decided to meet there. First of all, he was about 20 minutes late. Second of all, he opened the door for two ladies (yay) and then walked into the theater without holding the door open for me (boo). And then, he bought his ticket without offering to buy mine. Um call me loco, but HE invited ME! I could have been at home enjoying the Real World marathon.
So last night, I'm at my friend's place and her fiancée is there as well. He's eating the food she made him and he belches. B.E.L.C.H.E.S. And he continues eating. What's worse, my friend says nothing, as if she's desensitized to it. I can't lie, I was offended. I wasn't expecting the guy to hold it in - he's human - but say excuse me!
Chivalry seems to be an incredibly underrated trait in men. Why is that? In the words of Adam, Brendan Fraser's character in the movie Blast from the Past, "good manners are just a way of showing other people we have respect for them". It doesn't take time to be polite, it's free and it goes a long way.
So am I seriously dated in my opinions or am I justified? Really, ladies, we go through a lot of trouble. Sure, we like to look good, but we also maintain the pretty, wear the flattering clothes and pretty much stay cute for guys. Is it too much to ask that they in turn have some manners and act like gentlemen (especially if we made the effort to shave our legs and wear heels)?
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- From: JuJutheWriter@lovelyish
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Comments (41)
I think you're wrong. Women should totally be treated like dirt.
It definitely would make them stand out in my mind though, no matter how things ended :)
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - AMEN. down with those cute hoes.
I think it should be mutual sometimes,
but usually it should be the guy who pays.:]
If I dated someone who is frugal & wouldn`t spend a penny on me,
it`s a waste of time. He doesn`t like me enough to spend it.
I act thus most of the time, and often get bitched at because of it.
"YOU THINK I CAN'T OPEN IT MYSELF, YOU BIG STRONG MANNN???"
"Oh, you want to pay? Trying to make me feel like I owe you something?!"
and this one's the kicker:
I had once seen a woman lose a dollar to a faulty vending machine, and, having just gotten a dollar in change, I walked up and said "Hey, machine steal your buck? Happens to me all the time. This particular mechanised theft, however, is on me. alright?" (keep in mind this is all said in the most disarmingly comic manner possible, complete with silly/charming smirk)
She looked at me like I was holding an aborted fetus and said "I don't need your money! Get away from me!"
she proceeded to slap the dollar out of my hand and stalk away in a huff.
Poor reactions notwithstanding, I still find it better to act kindly towards chicks. If nothing else, I get stories to tell :P
I definitely believe in me paying most of the time. But for me it's a general rule of thumb as whoever's idea it was has the privilege of paying. Not always the case but that is generally how it goes. The burping thing doesn't bother me at all. But I definitely always hold the door open, not so much the chair thing but the door is a habit for me.
My guy friends and I are all sensible enough to pay when we ask someone out. I'm straining to think of anyone I know who would lack manners like your dates... I guess be more selective?
Being polite and having good manners should be staple no matter what kind of company' you're in, men or women, and no matter which gender you belong to. And I think that, as a rule, the asker should always at least offer to pay for the askee on a date. They're the one that asked for a chunk of your time because they were interested in you.
Many guys that girls are interested in dating at young ages (aka jerks) do not have etiquette or chivalry, it tends to accumulate with the nice guys which most girls tend not to date because they are boring I guess.
@Nerevar_The_Incarnate@xanga - wow. you must be unlucky with girls you are nice too... most i know would be flattered!
i love it when guys are polite. i don't like them being rude, even if they're joking. it bothers me, and i tell them that.
whether i'm dating a guy or not i can't help but love when he's polite.
@spokemymind@xanga - Agreed :)
For real? Actually, most of my friends have good manners and I'd say it's not really that uncommon. Those blokes that you happened to go on dates with could definitely use some manners though.
There's nothing wrong with a guy holding a door, offering to pay for dinner, etc. Sure, there will always be those feminists who are offended by those actions. But the way I view it, it's just common courtesy. I certainly wouldn't be offended if my friends did the same thing for me.
All I can say is, better luck next time?
thats all Bullshit! the man is sopposed to pay for everything and should be treated with respect and we in return are slaves
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - Awesome. Do people ever misinterpret your sarcasm and proceed to bitch at you? Because then you can laugh at them for being idiots.
I agree with a lot of the people who posted: whoever did the inviting should do the paying, unless there is some kind of split the check agreement made beforehand. I also think if one of the parties is broke at the time, the other could pay, and then you just switch off. I wouldn't apply this to first dates though.
Also, manners are important, but I definitely understand not being perfectly mannered all the time with people you know really well.
dump the ass...he isnt worth ur effort.
I agree with alot of the other people on the post, if your the one getting invited then the other person should be the one paying unless you guys agreed on spilthing the check.
What's funny is that me and my friend (whose a guy) always fight over the bill at the end of our meal and were just normal friends. And if I was at a date and the guy IMMEDIATELY says do you know your paying for your meal? Wow, definately off my list of boys.
I mean, I'm not saying boys should pay for meals and dates but, atleast be a gentleman about it or atleast during the evening politely say something about the bill?
Well, I think that more and more guys are dropping the chivalrous act because more and more women are complaining about it. I don't know how many women would complain or be insulted if a guy offered to open a door for them.
So, some guys are losing it because of that. A good majority of them, though, are just getting lazy and rude.
I think its not even a matter of chivalry but its common courtesy... the way the first guy said what he did for instance was just plain rude, especially if he invited you. The second was also just rude for being late, not holding the door for you when doing so for others and then not offering to pay if he invited you. I expect if I *invited* a guy out to maybe coffee I might as least offer to pay. The third guy.. just... yikes. EVERYONE, not just guys who not lose those type of manners especially if guests are over (even if a couple is just that close w/ each other or w/e... i dunno)
doesn't matter if you're a guy of a girl. it all applies to everyone.
i'd offer to pay for someone, i'd open a door, i'd never burp, that's disgusting. and i'm female.
haha props to the belcher. i always figure if a girl is offended/annoyed by that kind of stuff, she's too tight-assed for me. boo to the other two guys though!
Amen to that. I don't wear heels for nothing!
Hey, I offer to pay for my best guy friend if I'm asking him to come with me to do something, and I do the same for my boyfriend. So I expect the same!
Except it makes me feel awkward when a guy pays for stuff and I thought it was just hanging out as friends... And here he is paying for me, but I'm not interested in him and I feel guilty! But... I can live with that. Especially now that I can tell everyone I have a boyfriend... So if a guy's paying for me, I can tell he's just being nice. :)
@yourblondeness@xanga - Yes, and I always laugh at them and tell them how stupid they are and that I was being sarcastic. Then they write a hate blog about me, cry because nobody comments it, and eventually subscribe for some reason or another. It's funny.
@yokyokgetsfussy@xanga - women arent allowed to burp fart sweat or pass gas. That is law. :P
Chivalry is a great concept in theory, but there is no law requiring women to act in kind. That is because women have no codes of honor whatsoever, imo. Wait, that's not an opinion, that's just TRUE. If men are supposed to treat women like princesses, then men SHOULD be treated like princes.
However, due to "mens guilt" (similar to "white guilt" but instead in terms to gender), we treat you nicely, to in turn get treated not so nicely by you at times.
Despite this I do believe in treating a woman right, I just wanted to cover that hidden angle that women as a whole seem to overlook.