Thursday, 07 May 2009
-
Her Family Doesn't Like Me Because of My Race
I like this girl - I have always been her friend and it turns out she feels the same way about me. But the problem is her parents don't want her to date someone who is not white or from the midwest.
So basically it's because of my race that I can't date her, because I get along with her dad great and her mom really likes my family. But yet it all comes down to my race. What in the world do I do?
-
recommend
- recs 0
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (24)
Ugh, that's ridiculous. Maybe you could talk to her parents about it? Figure out if you can get them to see past the race thing.
Then keep at it. If her parents are bigots and she's not, you'll end up together regardless of what her parents have to say.
You get along great with her dad and her mom really likes your family.. take a shot at it and talk to them about it. If you go behind their back, chances are, they are going to fine out and your relationship with them would be ruin.
In the long run though, it'll be her choice to choose who she wants to be with.
Now that is odd- and you say they like you and everything? Hmm- I don't see their reasoning behind this one. Its always preferable to have the parent's permission (in my opinion,at least), so at least try to ask for it. But if they are still unreasonable- then to heck with them. You tried and they have to at least respect you for that.
Sorry man- I can't imagine being in that situation.
Well, she's the one that will be dating you. Also, if her parents are that strict then maybe you two aren't so great for each other.
You can always defy the parents and just date her. And hopefully she'll choose you over what her parents want.
Nothing you can do, except strive to show them that it doesn't take a white midwestern male to make their daughter happy.
If they don't accept you after promoting yourself, then you'll never please them. Some people don't want their beliefs changed.
I went through a similar experience. It was only after the break up did they realize I was the best thing that happened to their daughter.
My parents want me to date my own race.although they haven't flat out told me so they dropped hints. But I will date who I want bc it comes down too Me being the one to date the so person. try to talk to her parents.promote your self. don't go behind their backs .That will make them more set in their ways if they find out . It will make them think they are right.
So they like you but don't want you to date their daughter...interesting.
The question isn't just what YOU should do; it's up to her as well. If she's not willing to go against her parents' wishes for the sake of dating you, then maybe she's not worth pursuing. Also, if you seem to get along with her parents (who knows if they have a different attitude when you're not around), then perhaps you and the girl can talk to them about it. If they don't approve and you two really want to be together, I think you should go for it anyway--at least you were honest with the parents. But be aware that it's going to cause a lot of strain if they continue to disapprove.
You don't have prove anything to them--you are equal;not less than them. You don't have to do anything but be who you are because they are the ones with the problem. They know who are and that you're good person.
The real question is what will your girl friend do? Let her parents dictate her life or be her own person and her decision to continue dating you; therefore, if the non-issue is pressed by her parents, then you need to ask yourself if you can handle dealing with bigots for however long your relationship may last.
I agree whole heartedly with JavaaWan. You haven't done anything wrong, and you said yourself that they like you and your family - that it's just your race standing in the way. That is a problem within her parents, a limitation / boundary that they've set up in their own minds.
You should keep trying. If you really like her, and she really likes you, I think you can both find a way around it. The thing is: Is this girl willing to do that for you? That's what it boils down to.
awwwwwwwwww....
my mom hates me because i'm dating a mexican guy..
Try to prove to them that you can be good enough for their daughter. Sometimes it comes down to that, maybe they say it's your race, or something else, but there's a good chance they are just olf fashioned and feel that no one will be good enough unless he fits some prefect mold that they have come up with. Break the mold, and be better!
...or they're never think you're good enough, but her parents aren't the ones who you need to impress. If she loves you, that's what matters.
Parents will usually change their mind about "race" if someone really impresses them. It's when they aren't sure of you, and if they are slightly racist that they'll flip down the race card.
I've seen it happen many times. Parents you thought hated blacks are suddenly tripping over themselves to welcome their daughter's black boyfriend who went to an Ivy League college and owns a successful business.
Screw the parents. Race doesn't matter. Tell the girl to tell her parents to stop being so racist.
I think you stick with it and show her that you love her
it's up to her to decide whether or not a relationship is worth causing a struggle with her family
if she's willing to put in the effort to be with you, there's no reason why you guys can't have an amazing relationship!
Best of luck -- I can't believe this type of racism still happens today...very sad!
I dated an Indian boy before...I know how it feels. His parents never accepted me, they were always nice to me when they saw me but they were not as nice to their son about it. They took our relationship as a joke.
Here's the thing. If they're really like that...there's not much you can do. I tried the best I could to impress them. I learned a lot about their culture. I went to Indian festivals in which I was the only white person at, and I never knew what anyone was saying. Yet his parents still didn't accept me because they were so set in their ways that it didn't matter what I did, you know? I wish you all the best of luck, though. I'm sure if you two are a really great couple then you will be able to get past it.
uhmm...hmm id say if you like her enough..why would it matter?
Dont let race dictate the situation. If they can't get past race, then chances are, you won't be able to persuade him with small talk. If you care enough about her and vice versa, you guys will make it work. I do understand it can be hard not to think of race. don't let it consume the situation though.
talk to them, pretend it's an interview. tell them you're not into drugs, alcohol, and that you'll bring their daughter home on time, etc etc....only if they're true though.
Since you do get along great with her family, I think you and your girlfriend should talk to her parents together and see what happens. Going behind their backs will just make matters worse. If things don't work out, if you two do really want to be together, you'll find a way to make things work.
nothing u can do about that, seriously if she loves u enough and her parents might accept you for who u are.
talk to her parents about it. and try to persuade them?
Talk to the parents. Tell them that you guys want to date, no disrespect. And then date. Don't let ignorance and bigotry win out here.