Thursday, 07 May 2009
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Marriage Is Not for Everyone
When I was little, I thought I'd be married and have one or two kids by this time. I thought that must be my ultimate goal in life, because everybody did it and it would make me happy. But times have changed so much in the last few decades and I realize we have more personal choices than ever. If you are not the type for marriage and kids, guess what - it's perfectly fine. (Look at the big picture -- the human race is in no danger of extinction!)I spent my early-and-mid-20's looking for "the one," someone I could eventually marry, and all the pressure I put on my relationships lead to many tears and heartbreaks. I was entirely too young to be thinking that way but was influenced by fairy tales and the opinions of other people. But from my experiences living with boyfriends, I got a reality check. Marriage (especially with kids) is a life of routine, which definitely isn't for me. Not now, anyway -- my biological clock is still silent.
Fairy tales never resemble real life, so we shouldn't expect or want our lives to be like one. There is no such thing as "happily ever after". Our life story continues on, with lows that make us appreciate the highs, and the ability to make choices that affect our happiness as our lives evolve.
I've always said that life is not about work or material things, but I also think it's not really about following traditions just for the sake of it. We should follow them because they mean something to us personally. Life is short and we should follow our own joys.
For me, having complete freedom to hang out with friends and get to know new people is making me feel happy and fulfilled. Relationships in the past helped me improve and grow as a person, but being single gives me the most enjoyment right now. This is something my former self never would've guessed!!
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About the Author
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- From: Lotus507@xanga
- Name: Lotus
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 626 Comments: 0 29 View all posts by Lotus507@xanga
Comments (29)
There are only six billion-ish people left, and probably half of them will die from the swine flu by the end of the year, so we are definitely in danger of extinction.
Anyway.
Being single is fun, because you can relax and feel free to flirt with anyone you want to and not be nagged about it.
Then again, I only flirted then because I wanted someone to be with. My sister is getting married Saturday at 19, and I know some who's engaged to be married next year at 16. People need to just learn they can have fun for a while, because there is such a thing as trying to get married before you're ready, even if you think you really are.
I love that feeling of relief when you figure out something like that. You're completely right, marriage isn't for everyone - just like everything else :)
See, I was the complete opposite of you...I never wanted to get married, let alone have kids!
Now here I am, engaged. o.O weird how things change as time goes on... and as you meet certain people.This is a good thing to realize before you find yourself living a life you don't enjoy!
Marriage is definitely not easy, but I know that is ultimately what I am supposed to do, I am supposed to be a wife and mother, not only do I feel like that is my calling, but I have an intense desire for that life, despite what everyone may think of that.
marriage is hard man..idk why everyone's settling so fast now a days O_O
@immaairheadxl@xanga - And they're the only ones settling. Everyone else is just having constant sex. I don't like either of those options.
It's nice you can be happy single. I wish that were the case for me, but I do honestly just want to be a mom... in a legitamate marriage with a good husband, of course.
Where you are is where I am slowly turning... I used to be nowhere near that (I thought I heard my biological clock ticking loudly), but now I'm coming to terms with being single... and somewhat developing a peaceful attitude towards it all. It's a process.... still, it's nice to read a success story about that.
"Life is short and we should follow our own joys." i agree with this completely. in fact, that's the stage i am in life right now ^_^
@Angelina_Everlong@xanga - seriously, right?
i feel that...although you're young, settling too quickly in a relationship -bf & gf- kills it...
leads to a lot of expectations and issues.
Having constant sex with different amounts of people is never good...but having a certain partner isn't bad either.
But that does not mean the current relationship - just cus it's 2 years or what not - you guys have to enter engagement O_O??
Personally, I'm not getting married til I get school finished...cus i want a BOMB ASS WEDDING MAN!! hahaa
i say that i don't really want to get married but then when i look at all my friends, i see them really happy in their marriage too so i'm in between. i believe that there's someone for everyone, we just have to be patient.
I don't really care about marriage, but I do want a life-long partner... and I personally would feel silly at 60 or 70, saying, "Oh hi, I'm Cat and this is my boyfriend, ___."
It's definitely not for everybody, but it is for me! I guess I am into routines and coming home to a family of love.
But I'm not ready yet...give me a few more years.
i keep thinking about those days when i'll come home from work every day and have sex on the kitchen table with my (future) husband. and then we play doctor. and then i cook him pancakes in the nude.
that's what my marriage is going to be like.. now if i can just find a husband that's willing o.O
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - The "swing flu" statement definitely made me laugh but anyways...
When I was of age, I always picture my perfect wedding with my perfect soul mate. I've been married for three years now and when I look back, I wish I could of waited. There was (and still is) a lot of things I want to explore and accomplish in life that I rather do when I was still single. But this marriage had taught me a lot and I have grown up a lot since then too.
I agree that marriage is not for everyone.. i was married for 2 years... and while im currently divorced.. i dont think that it was because marriage was not for everyone, i think that its important that you marry the right person as well. In my case, i married Mr. Right NOW as opposed to Mr. Right..
Im not in a huge rush to get married. Im in a relationship now and the M word has come up.. but im in no rush to make it to the altar again.
You and I are in the same boat!
Marriage is definitely not for everyone. I agree with what you said.
Hi "Lotus"!! This article caught my eye because of the title, and it was you!!! Whoo hooo! you made it as a feature in the Datingish column. I could go on and on, but i really do love this blog. I couldn't agree more with marriage not being for everyone. If it happens then i wish all the happiness in the world for that couple, and if it doesn't then i would hope that the individual would embrace his/her single status and persue amazing things in life. You are definitely a role model. I'm sorry that you're not able to pack your bags and leave just yet, but i'm sure USA still has a little more in store for you. G'luck~Rose
yes the big picture!! PLEASE DONT HAVE KIDS IF YOU CANT TAKE CARE OF THEM!!!
so i really dont plan to have kids until i learn how to teach them properly. i should even take a class for that before i consider having kids!
i fantasize about when my bf would propose to me and the idea of getting married, the responsibilities of your life together, managing both YOU and the entire household.
people get married for the wrong reasons and have terrible endings.
i think its good that you realize that you dont HAVE to get married!! :) unlike those asian families! *roll eyes*
I couldn't help but feel like you're almost in denial... dunno dunno... could be one of those days you feel fine with everything the way it is, then the next day you feel like something has to change... which is fine because I do that tons?
i've spent my whole life not thinking marriage was for me. it wasn't something that i wanted, or really cared about. for the first time ever, (since i've been in my current relationship) i've actually given it serious thought. things change, and so does the way u look at things. its still TRUE that marriage aint for everyone though.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - 16?! Holy cow. o.o!
You have some good insight...and thanks for writing this! I'm at the point right now where I'm trying to figure it out
good for you :)