Thursday, 07 May 2009
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I Want to Stay Single - Can He Change My Mind?
So I met this guy about two weeks ago. He's 27, an EMT/firefighter, has been to two other countries, owns his own home and his own car, and is very well educated. The first time we hung out it was short, maybe 15 minutes, just talking in his car. That night (or morning...) he came over at 2 a.m. and we had sex. I am very cut and dry about sex - to me, it's just sex, nothing more nothing less. I'm at a point in my life where I just got out of something serious and am not sure I want to dive right into another serious relationship.
Anyway, since that night we've been talking every day and have hung out a second (or third?) time. We went out with my best female friend and my daughter (yes, I have a child) to get lunch and just walk around. He was great with my daughter and friend. Afterward, he drove me home and ended up meeting my mom, who he was also great with.
The thing is, he wants to be in a relationship and has told me so. I like hanging out with him and am not totally opposed to the possibility of working towards a relationship with him, but right this second I want to keep my options open, especially because I'm still young and want to be able to figure out exactly what I want in a significant other.
But on the other hand, he is fun, intelligent, honest, stable and good looking. I feel like ruling out being exclusive with him would be stupid of me, because he is a really great guy. Should I stick with my initial reaction and just be friends with him for now, or do you think I should push aside my want to be single and be with this guy who really does make me happy?
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Comments (22)
Why not be happy?
give it a whirl. take it slow but don't completely shut him out. let him know that you just got out of something serious and need time. If he really cares about you, he'll respect that. good luck =)
I'd talk to him about it, and say more specifically "I just got out of a serious relationship! I think you're a great guy, but if I rush into another relationship right away, that could be doing both us and my daughter a disservice." and see how he takes it. Likely, if he's as nice as you say he is, he'll stick around - so long as you don't go and ignore him or anything.
Just because you have certain thoughts about how you would like to be, that doesn't mean that's what is best for you. Good partners are difficult to find; don't throw away a decent opportunity just because it's not quite the timing you were hoping for.
If you are not mentally and emotionally ready for a serious relationship, tell him. Ask if he minds just seeing each other because you're not ready. Don't throw away a good guy because it's hard to find a good guy.
On the other hand, I wouldn't introduce the guy to your child as your new boyfriend yet. Maybe take 1-2 yrs before you do it. And your friendship grows, maybe make him realize that you and your child is one whole package. If he takes you, he has to take your child and that a child needs a father figure for the long run, not for 2 years before you two break up. It's going to be hard on your child.
I think he can .
I say take a chance. And hey, you're not just friends if you've already had sex and are hanging out one-on-one.
I say take it slow, but don't shut him out. You're right, you don't want to be rushing right into a relationship. But above all MAKE SURE HE KNOWS THIS!! You have to tell him your thoughts and feelings. If anything, he'll gain respect for you when you tell him. So take it slow and work towards being happy. He sounds like a great guy.
You never know unless you try. And years from now, you could be thinking "what if I had said yes?' so ... I think you should try.
I was like that with my boyfriend, and I decided to say 'yes' ... and we're still together :)
Holy crap.
Lol. I doubted and kept saying no to a lot of guys..
and I kept doing the same damn thing. and then i met a guy whom i wasn't sure if i could or not like..but i let it all in
and now he's my bf =)
If it's not the right timing, then tell him so...if he is as genuine as you say he is, he will wait it out. But rushing into something you are not prepared for is always a bad idea, and can lead to hurt in some form or another. It's best to wait until you are back on your feet for sure...not saying you're OFF of them, but I think you get the idea...
It seems to me if you don't want to be in a relationship you shouldn't be in one. Not just yet anyway.
If he wants a relationship tell him what you said here: you're not opposed to the idea but just not right now.
I think the fact that you even posted this means he made you at least think about changing your mind..Give him a shot and take it slow, let him know that you want to take it slow for now..and see how things work out..Good luck,
"..but right this second I want to keep my options open, especially because I'm still young and want to be able to figure out exactly what I want in a significant other."
Tell him so.
You can still see him. You can enjoy him. You can be happy with him. Just that you're not ready to be in a relationship with him. I'm sure he'll understand and when you're ready, let's hope he's still there.
i think you should just take your time. If ur not 100% sure then you shouldnt be with him yet. If he's really a great person like u said he is then he'll wait for u when ur ready
if he makes you happy go for it .You only live once .who knows .it could be the best thing that has happened to you .take things slow,don't rush in ito it thought .yes to the friends at first .get to know him better .
Oh, just be honest with him, that you have just been in a relationship.
You need time to fix your heart.
If he doesn't understand that, he will never understand other things in your life.
Since, u said that he's an intelligent guy, caring, understanding etc etc etc... He will definitely wait around..
If a guy really wants a woman, he will stick by her to get her.
*GO TIGER* HEHE
you will never know until you try, but also make him understand that you just want to be friends. if he's really into you, he will understand. good luck!
GO for it... Be happy for the moment!
YOU CAN BE SINGLE ANYTIME YOU WANT but finding and meeting a person who does make you happy is something that doesn't happen often.
okay..to top off your long list of positive attributes he possesses he is a man in uniform?! no brainer! ;) seriously, though--take it slow but steady and see if something more serious is what you want as well as he. but be honest and upfront about how you're feeling..don't drag him along. hope all works out, whatever that ends up meaning.
Hi there, take it slow and steady and ask him to give u time to think it over.;) i think he definitely has done some nice things..;) also tell him you want to keep your options open too..;) no harm trying it might be a silver lining under a cloud.
if he really make you happy, why not?