Miss Reindeer Since about the middle of April I've been on three "first dates," all of which went pretty good and ended with end-of-the-night kisses and not much more. Okay, so I let the one guy (who I actually have a third date with this week, he's pretty cool) get to second base, but otherwise none of my behavior indicated that I was going to have sex with them. Or did it?
All three of these guys definitely thought that we were going to get down to it, but it's not like I was grabbing at their junk and being a tease or anything like that. So why the hell was this assumption made? Is first-date sex the new thing and I just haven't been made aware of it? Am I that old-fashioned to wait for a while?
B, the Ivy League grown-up guy who I actually had a great time with, asked me to go back up to his place at the end of our date and when I declined he looked positively floored.
I haven't heard from him since, so I think I made a wise choice there. I pretty much got the cheap-sex thrills out of my system in college; I'd at least like to go out with a guy a few times and get to know him a little better before we do it. I can't possibly be the only one who feels this way, right?
So J is the guy I
really like and that I have the third date with this week. He's kind of that philosophical, stoner/hipster kinda guy and I was at his apartment, including his room, for part of our date because he and his buddies were having a barbecue. When I told him I had to go he flat out said, "Why are you leaving when you know you want to have sex with me?" That's when I explained how I would prefer to get to know him better regardless of whether or not I
want to have sex. Then he basically went on a "free-love" hippie-type rant about how you should just do what you feel like and that my mentality about sex is very old-fashioned. Whatever, buddy. That sounds like a cheap ploy to get in my pants and I'm just not that kind a girl. That made him sound like a jerk and he's not really (so far, so good), he's just very blunt (no pun intended), but I like that about him. There's no games and it's refreshing, but perhaps more on him in a future post. I want to know what you guys think about all this.
So Datingish crowd, what are your thoughts on first date sex? Guys, is making out on the first date considered a tease? If you have a great first date, do you think you're getting laid that night? Do you still respect the girl that puts out on the first night and call her again? Any success or horror stories about having sex on the first date?
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Comments (110)
Meh, I agree -- cheap sex is not appropriate after the college years. I went through the cheap sex phase my first semester of college, & now I kind of expect to know a little more about a guy before I give them that privilege. Guys who think they can get ass on the first date should date college freshman. Just sayin'.
first date sex = fail.
Haha, shoot, if he thought you were old fashioned he'd think I was from the stone ages. I wouldn't even make out with anyone on a first date. I don't care whether anyone else has sex on the first date, but that's not for me. I think a lot of emotion goes behind sex in general, and if I've only been on one date with the person? What emotions could there possibly be?
If a guy really likes you, he'll call you regardless of having sex on the first date or not. I say, go with what makes you comfortable. I don't think there's anything wrong with sex on a first date, but I'm sure many people would disagree with me. I think it depends on the person and the situation. I had sex with a guy on our first date and we continued to see each other exclusively after that. And we've currently been an official couple for over 4 months. That's just one instance where the guy wasn't a scumbag trying to get laid. Sex just happened to bring us closer. Not saying that's the same for everyone, I'm just saying that having sex on a first date doesn't automatically mean the guy is an asshole or that the possibility of a future relationship is doomed.
I think guys get false expectations from exaggerated TV shows.Not everyone can be a Joey Tribbiani.
Don't do it. Especially if you're looking for a serious relationship.
the one time I "put" out on a first date, the guy turned out to be a major prick. I haven't since and the guys have been well, sweethearts.
for me, I would rather wait, and get to know the guy. i don't see anything wrong with this - I also wait until im good friends with a person before I start telling them secrets. I can;t have sex with someone I don't trust.
good call. first date sex just kills the process of waiting and the excitement of maybe growing to that point together. you skip a lot of shit when you jump right into sex.
a friend of mine randomly started talking to a guy at a bowling alley and ended up becoming friends. the first week of knowing each other even exist she was giving him hand jobs, blow jobs etc etc. after like 2 or 3 weeks of all that stuff she lost her virginity to him. she told me it was better than having sex right away but in my opinion the fact that she kept giving him samples of what would come later definitely played a role in him sticking around. they're still together today but clearly fading... if they were at least friends before all of this i would understand a little bit more.
First date sex is a no no if you are looking for a relationship, but I guess its all good if you want to be booty call buddies ...well this is coming from a virgin (which most girls are surprised since I have been in a handful of relationships). I guess making out on a first day could be considered a tease since it does seem like you are moving fast, which gives the notion of possibly sex will be soon. I have had many great first dates, but never think of getting laid...maybe I am just old fashion. I can't answer the question about the respecting the girl who puts it out on the first night.
@Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga - lol.... You're hilarious....
i think it's totally fine if you're mature about it. basically it's just sex you can't over think it or under think it. i say that if you're going to do it, just do it and don't put too much into it if you don't want anything more.
I dont' know if there's a right or wrong answer to this because it's really personal preference. If you had a romantic evening and everything went as you had planned, If you feel comfortable with the person that you just dated, and if you're confident that the relationship is going to go somewhere, than go ahead and have sex... If not, then kindly decline..... You can't or should really plan for those kind of things... Just go with the flow....
I would never have first date sex.
I would want to get to know someone way better before I even thought of doing that.
first date sex is just plain retarded.
Sex OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE IS SIN.
i know this doesnt apply to everyone, and i dont want to be offensive in the least (i have friends who have sex on the first date) but for the most part i think it makes the woman appear really cheap. i wouldnt have sex on the first date, especially nowadays. i would rather get to know my guy a little before i did that.
I agree with you and that doesn't mean its old fashion... just means I value myself more than wasting time getting down to business with guys who only want sex. PLUS, if that's what most guys wants, who knows what they may be infected with already in case they've done it so many other times.....hahah
The blunt J guy seems like a jerk but I have a friend who is also like that too... Those guys get on my nerves A LOT but they are the blunt straight up guys who won't play mind games. Just sometimes they aren't all that nice. I agree, they are more of a future posts.
I think its different for everyone. I think with the newer generations sex is becoming more and more trivial it seems tho thats my opinion. I don't know what to tell you aside from, guys like sex. Thats just the way it works. I mean speaking as a guy, thats one of our motivations for finding a meaningful relationship. It might not be the best reason but its one of our motivating forces. With that in mind, if you aren't comfortable with the guy then don't have sex with him. If he isn't willing to wait then he doesn't value it, but don't keep him waiting an excess amount.
Oddly enough, I have had women who haven't responded to me and some of them even state that I didn't initiate anything and to them they assumed I wasn't interested because of it. So it depends on the person.
cheap and desperate
wish i could. just not that strong-willed.
I read somewhere that guys actually like it when girls don't have sex in the beginning of the dating phase. Granted they're only human and are going to take what they can get, but holding out makes you look confident and desirous. They want a challenge. Plus I think they would respect you for taking a stand, whether or not they agreed with your choice.
First date sex is cheap, unless what you really want is a friend with benefits, in which case it's not really a date.
I think the US is too reserved.
And I dislike it when people say they are "old fashioned" ever asked your parents or grandparents what happened on first dates in their era? You would be surprised.
Never!
how do you know b wanted to bang you? i wasn't there, so i can't claim to know what he was thinking, but perhaps he was inviting you upstairs as a friendly gesture and was surprised when you declined, if you had given him signals through the evening that you like him.