Tuesday, 05 May 2009
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When You're In Love with Your Best Friend's Sister
My confession: I'm in love with my best friend's sister. If it is any consolation, (and yes, I'm grasping at straws here!) I didn't know she was his sister when we met. And if it works further in my favour: I wasn't really his friend when I met her. Simon was more "some dude from work I kind of know" at the time; he wasn't a mate. I didn't have his number in my phone or the familiarity to banter with him in public. We'd never shared a beer or a cab ride home. We'd never play wrestled, or lent each other money.
And I often wonder if we would have become such good friends if I hadn't wanted to get close to his sister. Which is sad, because I might have missed out on one of the coolest dudes I've ever known.
Anyway, I met Hollie at work. I was hanging out at the cafeteria when she was introduced. She sat opposite me, and I registered her as "kinda cute," though I was far too busy indulging in some witty talk with my friend Jamie and a total chav named Karl to take much notice at the time. It was no earth-shatteringly-romantic first encounter.
It wasn't until the next day when we got to work together for the first time that we spoke, and that was the moment I realised she was something special. You see, She used a historical simile to describe something we'd just seen, comparing a scenario to the Bay of Pigs, and not only was that enough to make this geeky history student laugh, but it was enough to instantly make me want her babies.
It was just after that our manager, Maria, asked me: "How is Simon's sister doing?" and I realised that this mesmersing girl was his baby sister.
Simon and I knew each other by sight; we'd talked a few times, worked together briefly, but that was it. Our paths hadn't crossed until the day before, when Matt, a mutual friend of ours, had organised a "male bonding thing" and asked if I wanted to go around Simon's to hang out with the two of them. I'd literally had to say: "I'm not sure dudes, I promised Dani [the girlfriend] I'd hang out with her!" because I had. But the moment I knew that Hollie was Simon's sister and there was a chance that she was going to be there, I texted Matt to say I was definitely going to show up. That was the first night I blew Dani off to hang out at Simon's. The first of many.
It was quite amusing when Hollie asked, "So, what are you doing tonight?" and I cockily replied, "Actually I'm coming around yours..." She raised her eyebrow, amused, and I had to add, "Your brother's invited me. We're having a poker tournament."
That was St. Patrick's Day 2007, so it has been over TWO years now since I fell completely in-love with The Hollie. That sucks awesomely, doesn't it!?
Two years of obsessing over a woman who has a boyfriend, when I have a girlfriend! Two years of not being able to tell said woman, "Actuallly, I think I'm madly in love with you! I think about you all the time and won't be happy until you think about me all the time, too!"
Two years of logging onto MSN hoping that she is online; two years of going around Simon's PRAYING that she will be there, two years of dying slightly inside every time she mentions her other half. And two years of hiding "I'm sort of obsessed with your sister!" from a dude who has over the months morphed into one of my best friends of all time.
Two years of wanting something that she can't give and I can't take.
I can NEVER tell Simon. He's so overprotective of her. He always refers to her as his "baby sister" despite his being 18 months her junior and has voiced numerous times how wrong it would be for one of his friends to date his sister.
And I can NEVER tell her. Because we are friends. And of course she has that boyfriend, and I have something called a girlfriend.
There are times when I think she MUST know. She must be able to see through the fact that I do ANYTHING to get near her, that when we worked together I did her a thousand favours that I wouldn't have been arsed to do anyone else. She must realise that I hang off every word that she says.
But I'm not a transparent person. I'm opaque. Deadpan is my middle name. I don't give anything away. I'm controlled and have perfected the art of not externalising what I'm feeling inside.
I've had nothing but mixed signals from her for 26 months which has driven me insane! When we're both drunk and in the same place, we do get slightly over-friendly, but it's never moved past hand-holding and cuddling - half because I'm so aware of the fact what I'm doing is wrong, and half because usually Simon or his girlfriend shows up to break it up.
It has occurred to me that I may only want Hollie because she is off-limits. I do have a tendency to want what I can't have, an obsession only cured by getting what it was that I wanted and then discarding it. But that can't be it. Two years is an awful long time to WANT something only to throw it away when you'd had it. It's got to be more than that. Surely?
So the question is this: Would you let one of your best friends date your sister or vice versa? Or have you already? How did it turn out?
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- From: TheL0ki@xanga
- About Me: He's just a bit: Dramatic . Adventurous. Stubborn. Messy. Cultured. Spoiled. Lazy. Histrionic. Charming. Deluded. Reckless. Friendly. Selfish. Feisty. Obsessive. Romantic. Ambitious. Optimistic. Cynical. Hopeless. Lucky.
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Comments (50)
wow, romantic. you must tell her.
lmao . if i dated my brothers friend it would be extremely weird .
and i agree with inkstainedbones . tell her . you neevr know until you try. haha . or tell your friend that you like her, since youre friends and all he should have an insight about how you'd treat his sister .
Please end things with your girlfriend immediately. =|
My brother is four years older than me and is overprotective of me... aren't they all though? He didn't like me going out with my ex (even though my whole family knew my ex's family quite well) because he didn't want my heart broken. Then when it did get broken, he was understanding but straightup told me to wait until college to date again. LOL... sure.
As for my brother, it would be really weird if one of my friends dated him... I mean he's four years older than me so he will probably four years older than them... idk. It would just be weird & I don't think he would, "they're too young." And well he already has a girlfriend so problem solved =D
& Yuu should tell her. You might be missing out on something real special!
hahahaha i've had my brother's friends ask him if they could date me..and they all got shot down, my brother is also way overprotective. on top of that i've made up my mind to never date my brother's friends coz if we broke up that would only strain their friendship.
plus you have a girlfriend for the past two years...hows that going?? if you don't mind me asking.
poor girlfriend, even if u dont pursue ur best friends sister you should break up with ur girlfriend because u are wasting her time and only going to make her hurt more. And obviously you are not the happisest u can be with your girlfriend or you wouldnt be in love with another girl.
oh and to answer if you could date her. probably not.
my older brother would be really pissed if his friends dated me but im 4 years younger :/
I've actually dated one of my brother's friends before. It was probably the best relationship I've had in my entire life, only reason it ended was because we parted ways. The ex's relationship with my brother never changed during that time or even after it.
Personally, I wouldn't like it if my brother dated my best friends. And no, I am not being hypocritical. I know my brother and he and my friends don't make good matches. I am not comfortable with his relationships and the way he treats his girlfriends so no, he's not good enough for my bestie.
Anyway, if you're all mature enough to handle the situation with tact and respect to all parties, no sense in keeping it hush. Yes, your friend might be upset and hurt, but ultimately, it's HER decision, not his. If she wants to give you a try, it's up to her, not her older brother.
lol that sucks...but um wow thats a long time to pine over someone...so you should probably like admit it now..or tell her, because otherwise shes never going to know your feelings!
Just tell her how you feel...geesh!!!! It'll hurt even more waiting and plus don't waste your gf's time when you are obsessing over someone else..... BE A MAN AND TELL HER.
break up with your gf, get over your friend's sister, and move on!
I hope you've broken up with your girlfriend by now.
I think this is a really tricky situation. You said she has a boyfriend, right? I would think that it's better for you to keep to yourself, but I have a feeling that the truth would eventually come out so you might as well make it come out in a planned situation, rather than you getting drunk and spilling everything unintentionally, for example. As far as telling your best friend, it doesn't really matter when you two became best friends; he's still your best friend and there's no doubt that this would have an effect on him.
I'm glad I have no interest in any of my brother's friends...absolutely none. Thus one of his friends having an eye for me means nothing. But I don't think my brother particularly cares. He's not all that protective of me because he knows I can take care of myself :)
if you're pining away for her as much as you say you are, you would've broken it off with your girlfriend a long time ago. i feel bad for your gf.
you are being cruel, self-centered, and selfish for staying with your girlfriend while pining after another girl for two years. If you're a decent human being you'll let her (your girlfriend) go.
Don't date your best friend's sister.Â
I fell in love with my best friend's brother and I lost her as a friend. Things ended tragically with him and I had neither of them in my life.BUT if you're as lucky as me, you'll take a chance, lose the girl, and still have your best friend in the end.A year after we broke up, me and my best friend reunited and we're closer than ever. :)
Being with the guy... definitely not worth it.Â
It's a complicated thing. I know what it's like to want someone so much for so long too, except in my case it was one of my best friend's fiancee. You wanna talk about having extreme guilt? Me and his fiancee were best friends, totally inseperabe for about 2 years. We did everything together and I absolutely adored her more than anyone else. It's also why none of my other relationships last very long during that time b/c none of them were her. Eventually things did happen and I will always feel guilty b/c of my betrayal to my friend and yes I do mean that I slept with his fiancee. Several times in fact. I'll always feel bad about it, but I'm so glad that I told her how I feel and got that burden off of my chest. I think you should to and damn the consequences if you really love her. It's just going to kill you inside even more if you don't. Good luck to you.
dump your girlfriend. you are emotionally cheating on her.
that's a little harsh to say he's emotionally cheating on her. things just aren't that cut and dry, sorry.
For one, I agree with the others in feeling sorry for your current girlfriend. You're in love with another girl and referring to your girlfriend like she's a ball and chain. Poor girl. So all you can do is get over Hollie or dump your girlfriend. There's no promises that Hollie is interested in you back though, so. I knew a person in that kind of situation before.
I've never understood the whole thing with siblings and best friends - or vice versa. Okay, you're friends, you're with their sibling. If you and the sibling gets married you'd be best friends with your brother in law. I guess the only reason someone wouldn't do that is through fear of ruining the friendship when they break up with said friends sibling?
I'm one of those people who thinks relationships should be separate from friendships. Like, if you and the sister got together, THAT would be none of the brothers business. If you two broke up on bad terms, THAT would be none of the brothers business. Sure, be protective of the sister, but don't kick your best friends ass.
I wouldn't care if a friend dated a sibling, none of my business.
lol I think you should break up with your girlfriend. You're dating her but at the same time you're head over heels in love for another girl ... that's not fair to her.
Because she has a boyfriend, you should either wait it out or confess to her (but that might not be a very good idea). There isn't any reason why you can't date your best friend's sister. I immediately thought of Chandler and Monica dating when I read the title of this blog. Things can work out as long as you have your friend's trust.
I just hope your best friend, your girlfriend, and Hollie don't stumble upon this post.
i've been the little sister in this situation before. i'm extremely close to my older bro, and one of his close friends fell similarly in love with me and worked up the courage to confess it to my bro and asked if it would be okay to eventually propose...
lol. my bro took it very well. he later told me it was the most awkward, horrible conversation of his life, but he wasn't mad or anything. he let me make my decision and though i'm sure it made him a bit warier of his friend, he didn't disown the guy.
in your situaton, things are definitely very risky... he's your *best* friend, and he's clearly indicated the very situation you want to get yourself into is not okay with him. but i strongly believe that if he really cares about your feelings as a friend, and respects his sister's right to follow her heart even if it inclines her toward one of his besties, the situation could work (albeit with reluctance/awkwardness/difficulty). all that said, though, the fact that you're both dating is pretty shady. although you're the only one with the right to judge, i don't think it's appropriate to have a relationship when you have such strong feelings on the side, and in the idealest yet craziest of worlds, it could be that hollie's train of thought is similar to yours... maybe she's sticking with her boyfriend and not going after you because she sees that you have a girlfriend, even though you only have a girlfriend as a filler while in reality you're pining after holie... and on goes the circle of redundant relationships.
you need to weigh your risks and decide if you're serious enough about her... at the very least, i think you should come clean about your feelings even if you don't decide to pursue them. you don't stand to gain much keeping your feelings bottled up, but you could, in the long run, lose a lot.
& in the simplest terms, i think you should only go for her if you genuinely believe the relationship could have serious long-term potential; if you're only planning on messing around for a while and leaving, that's nothing to screw up a good friendship for. and of course, you'd need to ensure that you want her for the right reasons and that this isn't a misplaced infatuation. try pinpointing every thing about her that you like, ask yourself honestly if these are trite, superficial things or if they have some legitimate depth behind them... and ask yourself how you'd feel if she was out of your life, if you'd (realistically) be able to be happy in the future without her there.
i'd say that if my bestfriend was a good eprson, then i'll let them date my sibling. but if the bestfriend at least once treat my sibling horribly, i'll smack them -.-
im still not over the "you have a girlfriend of your own" part. i feel so bad for your girlfriend (if shes still your girlfriend) cause its wrong. how is it fair to her...
seems like your not that close with simon and if you really (still) "love" hollie than tell all 3 (simon, hollie and your girlfriend). do yourself and everybody else a favor. dont know whats worse...emotional cheating or physical cheating.