Monday, 04 May 2009
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Should You Give Back a Promise Ring If You Break Up?
I have just separated from my now ex-boyfriend after a three year relationship. We were quite serious about each other; both of our families thought we'd end up marrying each other in the next few years or so. To this day, I still don't know why we are separated. I have attempted to talk to him, but obviously, it hasn't worked. We did talk about our futures and when we wanted to get married and that sort of planning, so with discussions like that, he did present me with a promise ring about two months before our breakup. I don't usually wear the ring because I can be very clumsy and I use my hands a lot at work, so he knows that I would only wear it for special occasions. Anyway, now that we are separated and there doesn't appear to be any hope in the relationship, do I keep the ring or do I give it back to him?
I actually love the ring a lot; the minute I saw it at the store, I couldn't stop staring at it and of course, he noticed. As much as I want to work our relationship out, at the moment, there's no meaning behind the rings anymore. We made a promise to each other and it has been broken. I still like the ring a lot, but I don't want to put it on and be reminded of the broken promise. So, should this be returned?
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- From: shirlz@xanga
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Comments (56)
You should return it. It's not like it would be given to someone else, but it is important for it to not be in your possession so you can move on from the relationship without having a constant reminder of 'that time I almost got married'.
I would say yes it should be returned, the ring was a symbol of the relationship and it will also be a constant reminder, it is more for your sake you should give it back because it will just bring you down. I had to do the same once with a ring...
Personally, I would return it. The ring was supposed to be a symbolic of a promised you two made for each other but now, it's broken. And besides, you said it yourself, you like it but you don't want to put it on and be reminded of the broken promise.
What's the point of keeping it when the point of the "promise ring" is not there anymore? Or if you're not even going to wear it?
Promise ring, engagement ring, or wedding bands... I'll return it whenever the relationship fails. I don't like to keep "things" that reminds me of the past. He can keep it, he can pawn it, he can do whatever he wants with it.
Never start and never break up.
I would, yeah. I'd feel guilty for keeping it if I were you. Also, it might help you get over the relationship if you're not holding onto something that represents it.
the ring is a symbol of his love for you and the "promise" (i dont really understand the difference between promise rings and engagement rings) that he made to you. the love and promise he gave you though failed. so return it. espcially if you dont want to make things any worse than they already are. its your job to go back to the way things were before the relationship and that ring wasnt apart of that. he can do whatever he wants with it.
i didn't give back my engagement ring when my ex-fiance and i broke up, partly because it started out as him just wanting a break, then by the time we officially broke up things were on really bad terms, there are still a few things of mine that were at his house that i never got back. i tried to sell it about a year after we broke up and found out it wasn't worth anything. i'm glad i didn't give it back because he ended up getting married a year after we broke up and i feel like it would have been given to her because they had to get married because she was pregnant so he never got her an engagement ring.Â
First off, you didn't end the relationship, he did. The decision is completely yours and since he refuses to speak to you, how could you do it?
I still have a bracelet that my ex-boyfriend gave me on our six-month anniversary (it's the only nice piece of jewelry that a guy has picked out on his own for me), but it's still different than a promise ring. Frankly, if you like it, I say keep it. It was a symbol, but now it's just a ring. I guess I'm a little weird about it, but I wouldn't worry about it. I guess that if you do keep and wear it, just don't let him see you with it on
i still haven't given my ex boyfriend my promise ring. but i'm going to. he's having a really hard time accepting that things are over. trust me, i have really good reasons for ending such a serious relationship. it wasn't easy. but it needed to be done. i think i'm just waiting until he's accepted that we're over a little better because right now i'm worried he'll snap if i try to return it so soon.
you should. my ex that i dated for 2 months bought me a promise ring without me asking for it. i wanted to give it back but i let it sit in a corner for awhile until i forgot about it. & i eventually lost it when some burglars broke into my house. so that was a waste of a promise ring =/
@talkemotome@xanga - agreed.
Personally, I don't think there is a rule that says meanings can't change. Sure the ring symbolically meant something once, but what it stood for ended. Does that mean the symbol lives on? For me, personally, it doesn't. And it's not like it's just some random ring. You really like this ring and I don't see anything wrong with wearing it just because you like it (in fact, it sounds like you fell in love with it hehe, and no girl should be deprived of jewelry she truly loves -- they are hard to find!!!). Yes, it reminds you of him and what it symbolizes, but it just takes some time. It seems a little premature right now to think of what to do with it. I would put it away for a little bit, then see how you feel later on. Perhaps in time it won't feel like a reminder of a broken promise. Perhaps in time it would just be a ring you really, really, really like
.
My first thought is wtf is up with "promise rings" - a promise to get engaged? But an engagement ring is a promise to get married! So basically you have a promise ring that promise you will promise to get married... uh yeah wth.
My rule (and my friends concur) that if you end the relationship, you return the ring. If he end it, you can keep it/sell it/pawn it/whatever. But if both sides end it... do whatever you want. Since you yourself said that you can't bear wearing it - return it.
I think you should attempt to return the ring. If he insists that you keep it, then keep it. Since he's not talking to you though, it seems like he doesn't care. Depending on how the relationship ended, I'm not sure if I'd want to keep a piece of jewelry given to me by a boyfriend.
I kept my engagement ring after my ex and I broke up. I didn't really want it anymore, but he refused to take it back.
If you really love it, keep it. If you want to try to give it back, try to give it back. If he wants it back, I'd give it back to him.
I think you should give it back. Having it there is a reminder of your broken relationship and it will only hurt.
He gave it to you. Keep it. I kept my exes jewellery. Actually, one
of my girlfriends still wears her promise ring after the breakup. It
reminds her that there was someone who once loved her deeply, and not
to ever settle.
Sell it...He gave you the ring, so its yours...You don't want it so sell it. Make some money with it.
@tigerdauphin@xanga - I agree with you.
i had a prior fiance and he gave me this really great ring that i absolutely love, but after we broke up, i gave back the ring to him because even though it was a gift, the promise was broken so there's no need to keep it anymore. pretty simple.
I gave my promise ring back. Thats the whole purpose of a promise ring. Regardless of how much I loved the ring (or not), I returned it because the promise itself was broken.
According to Ms. Manners, if an engagement is broken, the ring should be returned-- no matter who breaks the engagement. I think that most state governments declare the same as law.
I don't think a promise ring is any different, really. Besides, if you keep it, it's just a reminder of the broken promise. Yuck.
I would return it. You said you didn't even want to wear it because of the reminder of the broken promise, so why not return it?
Pawn that shyt. He wasn't man enough to give you a real reason for the break up anyway.Use the money to buy yourself something cool that will make you happy.
Give it back.
My story is EXACTLY like yours. I kept the ring, it's a reminder of those 3 years, whether it ended good or bad. He gave it to you, its yours.