Saturday, 02 May 2009
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Staying Friends Despite Unrequited Feelings
So, there's this guy I've known for about a year and we were pretty good friends. I started to develop feelings for him and I contemplated whether to tell him or not, but I would always hold back because of the whole fear of rejection thing and the not wanting to mess up the friendship deal and to prevent any sort of awkwardness that would arise in case things didn't work out.Well, after a while I started to think maybe he liked me too in that way - apparently I thought there were signs or signals. So I worked up the courage to tell him, and unfortunately the feelings were not mutual. He was dumbfounded because he had no clue (which is the case for most guys), but he said I was awesome for having the balls to tell him. Even though things didn't work out, it felt pretty good to get that off my chest, because 1) that was the first time I had the guts to tell someone I liked that I liked them and 2) now I won't have to constantly wonder if there's something there because now I know. Somehow, even after that moment of awkwardness where he rejected me, we're even better friends than before.
The only catch is that I'm not over him. There have been other guys I've talked to or dated, but never anything serious because I'm too busy pining away for my friend hoping he'll come around; meanwhile he shares with me things about the dates he goes on or what's happening with the girl he currently likes.
I'm glad that we're still really good friends, but at the same time it sucks that we'll ONLY be friends. I just have to get over him, but how is that possible when you constantly see that person and talk to them nearly every day?
Have you ever been secretly in love with your best friend? Did you tell them? And how were you able to stay friends despite the unrequited feelings?
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- From: jerzey13lover@xanga
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Comments (50)
I hate despite unrequited feelings .
I've been in this situation, and we could only be friends again once I was completely over him. Things were not as awkward as I thought they would be.
We're not friends anymore, but that's for a different reason. I actually wrote about this whole dealio a while back in my blog. It was such a long story that I put it in two parts, haha. (Part one and two.)
Been there done that. She was my second best friend for a long time and now she's my girlfriend.
It happens. It takes time to get over someone like that, the best thing you can do is to not ignore your feelings. Confront them and accept them.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - ahhh.. no wonder you are around datingish for a while now.. you wanna get those 6/7 reason tips eh? lol
@October_Lies@xanga - Haha, something like that.
agree! going through the same situation...the question that always runs in the mind is: do we stay friends? cause you'll only be more hurt everytime you see that guy....
but let it go :) i learned that :)
My situation almost exactly. :\
:) at least you guys are still best friends and that's something to treasure.
Ha, I'm trying to figure this out too. After a while she got a boyfriend, so I responded by finding a girlfriend and started working on moving on from there.
I dated one of my best friends.
And I lost him, Kinda glad I did.
But I'm dating one of my best friends now.
And it's magical
I had to tell a friend once, and it wasn't easy getting over. After all, you known this person long enough to accept everything good and bad. What makes it easier is noticing the bad things about them, and using that as a ploy not to fall for them.
Yeah, I was in your situation... but when he finally confessed his undying love for me, I stopped feeling the same way. Especially since he confessed while he was still in another relationship. How unappealing.
it's so weird cause i actually just went thru the same situation.. i just worked up the courage to tell the guy couple nights ago and now... we're just really good friends..
um yea i had a bestfriend i really liked...and he did the same all the time dated other girls talked about other girls....maybe you need to have the open mind to other wonderful ppl out there. distance urself a litttleeee bit from him...to get over him a little...need to stop pining away fr him...
my quest is why in the world does he not like u and he like other girls but hey lol..hehe if hes too dumb to appreciate u distance urself...who knows maybe he'll come around ur way and he's been taking u for granted...maybe his eyes will open or maybe ur eyes will open to someone else...
I guess you have to grieve your feelings. You can't change him to like you so accept your feelings and grieve it that's all you can do now.
I was just in this same situation... with some minor differences. The guy I had feelings for and was very close to, who I thought may like me back, confronted me about my feelings for him and then proceeded to tell me he'd always had a crush on my best friend. I was ok with that seeing as how I knew my best friend didn't like him that and nothing would come of it, and asked that we still remain friends since I was in the process of getting over him anyway and he's one of my best friends. However, he stopped talking to me, and two weeks after all this happened, him and my "best friend" are now dating. Shittiest situation I've ever been in.
I can't believe that your post has let been my story come out again. I am in a very similar situation and have been for over two years. Although this guy is not my best friend, b/c I started falling for him before we could get that close, we still mean quite a bit to each other in the friend realm anyway. We still talk and stuff, but I do not think that seeing someone every day will let you get over them. I always thought that people said that time healed a broken-heart, or at least let you get over things, but I have come to see that space is the only things that will help you let him go. I am sorry that things did not work out for you and good luck.
As for myself, I wouldn't want to be thier friend, not until I've at least gotten over them. It would hurt too much, that and it's preventing you from getting seriously invovled with other guys! I think that's where I'd draw a line. A friendship isn't supposed to hinder you in other aspects of your life. Just my thought, I've never been in that situation.
It happened to me, but the other way around. What I THOUGHT was my good friend was just another guy that liked me. He thought I liked him too because of all the attention I gave him, but that was only because I thought we were best friends. When he told me though, it became awkward and he stopped being my friend because he was "tired of waiting around" for me to like him. Kind of a douchebag friend, if you ask me.
4 years later...it happened again. With the same guy. I thought he wanted to be my friend again after that big mess so many years ago, but it turned out exactly the same. Some people you just can't be friends with.
I fell for my best friend, only he lives in another state. I told him how I felt and for a while I thought the feelings were mutual. I had also just come out of a very long term relationship. Then suddenly out of the blue (a few months later) he told me he only saw me as just a best friend. Meanwhile he tries to solicit me to send him dirty pictures of myself and talk dirty with him on the phone.
I went to go visit him about two months ago. We had slept together - he was the one to usually initiate things! He asked if we would still be best friends and asked if I was going to fall in love with him - because if I did then I was stupid.
In the past few days I've come to accept that I have a broken heart. I realized that I can't, and probably ever won't, get him to care about me like I want him to. I think he's an idiot anyway, but I am biased. I don't know if we will be best friends forever, close friends I am sure - but my significant other usually becomes my best friend (as they should!)
I just really hate that he tells me that he loves me with all of his little heart. Why couldn't he be in love with me?
When I was younger if I was interested in a guy eventually I would tell him. Sometimes it took a while to gather the courage to say it to them. Some guys felt the same, others did not and the rest just did not know how to react at the time.
There is one guy whom became my best friend (and we've been bestt friends for almost 9 years now) despite the unrequited feelings. I'd like him and then he'd like me but it was always wrong timing. However, through it all we grew to respect and understand each it on many levels. What we have now I believe is a stronger bond then what could have been if we were in a relationship.
In the end...Eventually the unrequited feelings will go away. But like everything else it always takes time.
I would suggest trying to either temporarily forget about romance altogether, or just go on a few dates with people you find interesting because who knows. It's not always easy being friends with someone you are romantically interested in, and, as I have gone through this a number of times, I can say I have always been happy I told the person and eventually things even out and more often than not you will still have a great friend at the end of the day.
My boyfriend was my friend. Then he became my best friend. And now he's my boyfriend and my best friend. lol
It really depends on the guy and the girl. I would say to not wait for him since you've already waited for him for so long, or you can stick it out and hopefully he'll realize you're right in front of him and you're the girl of his dreams. :)
Usually when you tell somebody you like them, that person will start to notice you more and more and like you back. :/ Maybe he does like you? If not, keep him as a friend. (: