Friday, 01 May 2009
-
Why Are Women So Angry?
This is a response to lots of the responses of the post "Listen Up, Ladies" - well...that blog got heated in a hurry! I do not know if the blog was written to be serious or satirical, but it does not matter for what I'm about to say. For clarification, I am by no means a relationship expert. My degree is History Education with a minor in Religious Studies. My job is a wife and a mother (stay-at-home-mom) once my son arrives in roughly four to five weeks. My husband and I are very happily married; we both grew up in homes where our parents are still married (mine have been married for 29 years and his for 33 years) and we grew up surrounded by a lot of love and closeness to our families. The only advice I have to give is from my own personal experience.
I just don't understand why everyone, particularly women, were SO ANGRY about a post telling them to take care of their man. Granted, the tone was strong, it threw me for a loop. But once I got past the tone, I agreed with MOST of what she was saying. Her overall point was to stop complaining about the relationship and see what YOU (as the woman) can do to make it work. I didn't agree with all of her points on how to do this, but I realize that she was trying to make a statement. My biggest disagreement was that it takes a strong woman to make a relationship work - yes, it does, but it also takes a strong man.
From my experience and talking with my husband, my dad, my brother and several other men who I know, guys in general like to be taken care of. They love it when the woman they love cooks for them, cleans up after them, strokes their ego (whether that be through compliments, laughing at jokes, being proud to be with them), and giving them admiration in general. My husband gives me the biggest smile when I tell him I am proud of him, even if it's just for something simple, like passing his PT test, which he knew he would not have trouble with; I could tell that compliment made him feel like a king. Because of the way I treat him, he spoils me rotten! But he did not start with treating me like a queen until I got off my high horse of demanding royal treatment and became the one giving him specialized treatment.
I responded to the post by saying I agree with some of it and that if guys have had to put up with thirty plus years of male bashing, that they deserve to be spoiled. Someone told me to shut up because I had no idea what women went through and so what if guys had to deal with feminism? (That comment referred to me not understanding a period, pregnancy or looking pretty all the time which, really amused me because I am 35 and a half weeks pregnant and I was putting on my make-up as I read it.)
Are women angry because they are women? If you don't want to be a woman, you know....you can change that. Is having a period really that bad? Yes - cramps aren't fun and the general "dirty" feeling during that time is annoying but, it's just a couple of days a month (on average, this varies from woman to woman) and we live in a rather hygienic society, so we can take showers. I don't think having a period is the worst thing in the world. You don't have to wear make-up to look pretty. You don't HAVE to even attempt to look pretty every day if you don't want to. But I, as a woman, LOVE make-up and beauty supplies. My husband hates the mall because he knows we are going to spend at least thirty minutes in Sephora. And pregnancy? I realize some women have issues and really difficult pregnancies and I feel extremely blessed to have had an easy one, but women get pregnant every day and then get pregnant again! It's not horrible! And we live in a society where birth control is readily available so if you don't want to get pregnant, there are ways to work around that! (completely different subject however.)
This is a two-way street - as women, we don't expect our men to treat us badly or nag at us or complain about us. We expect them to love us and give us affection and compliments and be there when we need them. We would not stay with a guy who did not do those things. But it's not fair to expect a guy to deal with nagging, unwillingness to spoil him once in awhile or constant complaints. If it makes your man happy for you to "get in the kitchen," why is that so wrong? And if you really want to feel "liberated" and stay out of the kitchen, don't be with a guy who enjoys that. It's not fair for either party in the relationship to force the other to do something they don't like, but to make a relationship work, sometimes sacrifice and compromise are necessary.
Calm down, breathe and see what you can do to help make your man happy. Trust me when I say the love you will receive in return for your act of kindness is absolutely breath-taking. No one is trying to push feminism back into the dark ages. All I'm doing is advocating for a little bit more respect towards the guy you love.
PS - If I don't respond to comments it's because I had my baby. :D Oh, and this is geared towards "healthy" relationships. I would not expect anyone to try to make an abusive relationship work by spoiling the other person. Some guys (and some girls) are just losers who are NEVER going to be able to handle a mature or healthy relationship - I am not speaking to those types of relationship at all.
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: XxFireXboltxX@xanga
- About Me: I just happen to be the luckiest girl in the world, married to the most amazing man and *crunchy* momma to the cutest little boy ever! God has blessed me with so much, all the glory goes to Him!
-
True
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 1015 Comments: 0 37 View all posts by XxFireXboltxX@xanga
Comments (35)
Huh.
Calm down, breathe and see what you can do to help make your man happy.
Trust me when I say the love you will receive in return for your act of
kindness is absolutely breath-taking. No one is trying to push feminism
back into the dark ages. All I'm doing is advocating for a little bit
more respect towards the guy you love.
I likes!
It seems like some women are angry because they have no ability to see anyone else's point of view, ever.
Some women just like to take things out of proportion instead of looking for deeper meaning in what is written, or it is possible that, for some reason, they CAN'T see they deeper meaning.
Some women are bored with their lives/unhappy with themselves, and it makes them feel better to "yell" at some person they've never met on the internet.
Also, cynicism is a big factor, esp. for someone who just broke up w/ their man or had a sexist boyfriend, etc.
It would also depend on the mood they were in when reading the post/comments. I know if I'm tired/angry/sad/whatever, I can overreact to the dumbest things.
Lol changing your hair style to make that guy believe he's sleeping with someone else is not taking care of or respecting that man, yourself, or the relationship.
I'm willing to bet most people were mad about that entry because it based the success of a relationship on the woman's ability to submit to a man's every desire, when the reality of a relationship is compromise from both people.
Pretty nice save. And it's true. Compromise and treating the man like a king, so the man will treat them liek a queen will definitely get back the feedback needed.
I agree on the most part, but one thing that I feel I have to defend, is that sometimes
1. a woman doesn't the ability to take care of the house and her man and her kids full time because there isn't enough money going around (and FYI, I would love to do all of that, it makes ME happy, but I need to work and make money as a priority right now),
2. sometimes women just haven't grown up in the love that you were lucky to have all your life. situations can sometimes be out of their control, and their personalities can be changed because of that.
And yes, men have to lift their weight too! Just bringing light to the unfortunate..Other than that, you are very lucky to be in the situation you are in, and I wish you the best of luck with your baby!
Maybe women are angry because society wants us to do everything: Be a full-time mom, be your man's personal maid, work full-time, get a degree, be smart, but don't be too smart, be sexy and care about the way you look, but don't be shallow, not to expect a relationship from a guy, but also that waiting for marriage to have sex is silly, be religious and close to God, but don't be too religious...
All these expectations are thrown at us at once and they contradict each other.
I like the way you think :)
Congrats on having your baby.
Your post seems a lot better than the prior post. This one has a calm tone, and it makes it obvious that it takes both the male and the female [or both males/females] to make a marriage work. Not just one person is responsible.
I love to spoil my boyfriend, but I admit I nag when he leaves his clothes ALL over the room, doesn't take his dishes out of his room. I do it so often when I don't even live with him that I get annoyed. But I do spoil him when he lets me.
I was mainly thrown off by the tone of the entry, and when the writer said it takes a "strong woman" to make a relationship work - I completely disagreed with that. Now I wouldn't mind doing all the little things; cooking, cleaning after them a couple of times, and complimenting them for the little things, everybody wants to feel good.
Oh, and grats on the baby (: .
they might be angry because it re-affirmed some of their denials about their past/present relationships. I think some of the attitude might be defensive because they might've had some psychological background personal info that triggered their response to reading that article, such as for example seeing their own mom, treat the husband like royalty and do all the traditional roles of a wife, yet he doesn't appreciate it and mentally/physically abuses her or something. there could be different underlying problems for why they could be jaded. or maybe this beyonce-song-era type of 'independent woman' movement has changed some womens' mentality for the better or worse, up to themÂ
Pardon my "rant" but I think you're just a teensy bit naive in your pregnant state. Soon you'll be taking care of a baby who will wakes up three times a night and will turn into an incredibly needy toddler who you can't put down for a much needed nap. While you're doing this, you'll be shopping and cooking and cleaning because you have the time for it 'cause your not working. And, and then there's the added factor that your hubby will probably start resenting the whole stay at home thing.
So it's gonna feel a teensy bit overwhelming to also stroke your man's ego multiple times a day while getting none of that back. And yes, I admit my comment betrays the fact that I have, indeed, become, well, one of those"angries." But, please come back in a couple of years and tell me how much ego caressing you're doing....I just didn't have it in me! (PS congrats on the pregnancy -- motherhood is the best!)
I can't answer for everyone , but franky some womens quick fix do this and it will work because it worked for me methods doesn't work for all women.
I have known some women that have done that and more for a man and end up getting beat down and kicked in the stomach . So I guess reading something like that would bring up some very deep and painful memories for them and cause them to be a little angry.
I have known all type of good , subservient women that will bend over backwards for man but depending on the type of man you are dealing with sometimes those things work and sometimes they don't.
and no all men that get treated like kings do not always return the favor. and they do not always have to be abusive. Some men feel like they should be treated like kings like its a womans job. so they are not apprieciative of it. they just exspect it.
one womans happy life can be another womans day in hell, but I am just guessing.
Thats why I am a lover not a fighter
and I only love those that love me back 
So I think this post can be summarized with "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"
A marriage takes lot of COMPROMISE. No one takes everything and no one gives everything. Both have to give and receive!
And congratulations on the baby
Not to turn this into a church related thing, but the Bible does tell us to treat each other with respect and how we would like to be treated, but that seems to be forgotten in today's society. I pamper my dad and my boyfriend, and guess what? I'm blessed, happy and showered in all kinds of positive attention... and on the greedy side of things, material goods. XD Anywho I really liked both posts! I do everything that I do for my boyfriend out of love. Not because someone told me to. :P
The blog was actually satirical and was not written by the blog owner, but by a guest blogger.
I think people reacted to the one-sided "women should please the man," but it was written by a man, and I, as a woman, can easily write what a man should do to please a woman too. Definitely a tempest in a teapot, but maybe it's because I know the people involved, I saw the humor.
Congrats on the baby!
Some people are just angry by nature and can take it out on someone easily sitting on the other side of a computer. They either saw it as a personal attack against them because they saw themselves in that post or they just like to argue. Some people can't handle seeing how others see them or admitting they or at fault. Some people don't want to work at a relationship at all, running at any hint of trouble, ie work.
Also, some will argue over nothing, you can say something that they agree with, and because of their mood at the time or their attitude in general they will argue with you just to be a jerk.
if our penises bled and revolted against us every month, we men would be as a angry as our fairer counterparts, too.
the real problem was, if it wasn't satirical, it was blatantly sexist. and if it was, there were too many valid points, and people got confused on whether or not it was a joke. the whole thing was poorly executed, and people just love controversy.
i really hope it was a bad joke though, because i'm rather saddened over all the people who agreed with it whole-heartedly. i guess i'm "angry" because sexism doesn't just hurt the women, it's hurts the men, children, and society too. Men are not babies, which that post practically screamed, and women shouldn't help their men pretend they're screwing other chicks. None of the advice given in that post promoted healthy relationships of any kind save shutting up and not nagging, which should go for everyone, everywhere.
@beautyinbeautyout@xanga - no relationship/marriage is the same. Maybe because yours didn't work out - you should generalize that they all won't and will have a " hubby will probably start resenting the whole stay at home thing."  And what is with the you'll-have-a-baby-and-not-be-able-to-take-care-of-everything-and-your-marriage-will-fall-apart" attitude.  Surely you are not saying that women are not capable to have children and take care of their house and husband... because... fyi... it has happend.Â
Thanks for the absolutely fair comment - But your post did ask why so many women "were SO ANGRY about a post telling them to take care of their man." I was answering with an overstated case -- complete with expressed anger -- with real life examples of what can go wrong when women take the old fashioned stay at home role! I think knowing what can lie ahead, not the story book version, can only help women avoid the pitfalls!
@beautyinbeautyout@xanga - How in the hell do you think you know what happens to a stay at home mother after they have their kid? You're assuming that all these horrible things are going to happen with her marriage and life based on what? I'm a stay at home mother, and a lot of my family and friends were/are stay at home moms, and have been for years. And not a damned one of them has EVER had any of the bullshit crap you listed happen in their marriage. Yes, it's stressful. You have a baby to juggle with cleaning and shopping and all the other house chores like that. But to a stay at home mom who's heart is really in that, the stress is all worth it. And the husband appreciates all the extra work she puts in. So how about before you go off on someone about shit you know NOTHING ABOUT, you learn a little about what you're talking about.
@mycontinuity@xanga - that just means ur succumbing to 'peer' (or in this case, society) pressure.
u r who u want to be.
On the other hand, this is a good post. The previous one is good as well.
It never fail to amaze me how some ppl can take a person's opinion/view so personal. Imagine if that is the case with all the intellectual beings in this world, what is there to talk about?
Does doing all the things mentioned makes u a lesser woman? Or a stronger woman? Did everyone forget each one of us are unique?
If it applies, take it. Else, move on to another post. Easy peasy.