Miss Alligator
I've had sex(ual intercourse) with three people. The only person that I don't regret having sex with is my current boyfriend. I lost my virginity in a friends with benefits sort of situation. To make matters worse, the second guy I did it with was basically a one-night stand, and I hate that it had to be this way. I hate how naive I was about sex.
It's not that I wish I could have been a virgin for my current boyfriend (because if I was, I don't think after our first time his reaction would have been, "Daaaaamn!") but I do wish I hadn't been so stupid about who I had sex with. I can't seem to stop hating myself for having done it this way, and I really wish I could just come to terms with the fact that it's just how things went. I was stupid, and I learned from my mistakes.
My boyfriend's really helped me get over it some, because he accepts and loves me for me, even with all the stupid things I've done. He's also said I could think of him as my "first," because he was the only one thus far that really mattered. It helps, but I still wish things had happened differently.
How does one get over making a mistake like this? Has anyone been in a situation like this before?
Comments (44)
just forget about it.. thats all you can do.. i feel the same way as you as well.. the first guys were all regrets and mistakes but that helped me later on to choose more wisely for the next time around.
sucks but... at least you learn from it.
just keep having fun with your vagina. it already happened. i wanna save my virginity too because i don't wanna regret it. but i'm starting to think that virginity is overrated & i kinda wanna lose it to my ex bf. my vagina is like "yes yes yes" but my heart is like "no no no"..whatever happen happens i guess....
we all have done things that we wish we could take back. but if we did take them back, then we wouldn't be the person we are today.
if you didn't go through those experiences, maybe you wouldn't be able to appreciate what you have with your boyfriend now as much.
take them as learning experiences and move on...
something to try: write the things you want to forget on a piece of paper and burn it. (i heard it helps)
*sigh* I know exactly what you're talking about. And I know it's not as easy as it sounds but you're going to have to get over it. You can't dwell on the past, everyone makes mistakes and it's not like you can change the past. move on, have fun, and keep living your life!! oooh yee
Accept it, learn from it, and move on. There's really no use on dwelling on the past. You can't change it. You need to accept this, stop beating yourself up about it, and let it go. You were young and made mistakes. It's alright because everyone makes mistakes.
I can't say that I've been in your situation. I lost my virginity to someone I love, but the second guy I had sex with was a one night stand. I don't feel bad about it at all. It was what it was and I learned from that experience.
Well, the thing is: you didn't know. It was a mistake, no doubt about it. But you didn't know that it would be that way. You didn't know how you would feel about it later on. All you can do is look at those kinds of situations and learn from them, because there isn't any changing them. You can't change the past. That's one of the reasons you should get over it and past it; you simply cannot change it. Why be bothered over something that you can't change?
I hate the first guy I slept with. He pressured me into doing it and he's a total ass!
Don't feel bad about it. It happened. It sounds like you were selective and safe about it, and that's ALL that matters.
Be confident and comfortable with your sexuality, it's nothing to be ashamed of.
Btw, I didn't end up with the girl that swiped my v-card, if that helps at all.
The same way one would get over any mistake... ?
A lot of people wish their first partner was someone different, hindsight is 20/20. Dwelling on it and hating yourself will never change things, so you're better off accepting yourself and moving on.
Sometimes you have to have room for more than one feeling. Sure you messed up, but it was fun back then maybe? When we're young we do things without thinking it through a lot.
Just know now that you are more aware of how important it is to think before having sex. You're with a guy you love and that's all that matters.
That sounds a lot like me! Haha. My first was a kind of serious boyfriend, but after that it just went downhill. I then went through the whole friends with benefits thing then I went to the one night stands. I was so embarrassed to tell my current SO because he hadn't been with anyone, and there I was with 3 people already racked up. (I felt like such a whore, ughh, it was terrible!) After I told him, he told me that the past was the past and that he loved me no matter what.
I guess that's what helps me get over. First off, it's in the past, no matter how much I hate myself for it it's never going to change what happened. We all make mistakes, we learn from them, and try our best to move on. It's also good to have a supportive SO (which is sounds like you do) to help you feel not so bad about it. It's all in the past girl, just keep your head high. =]
It's hart to wait. Try to forgive yourself. When people are 15, they don't necessarily look at sex the same way as when they are 20. Try not to dwell too much on the past. You have a supportive boyfriend and try to enjoy the present and look towards the future. Without your mistakes you wouldn't be who you are today.
There are a lot of things I did sexually that I wish I could take back, but the only real solution is to move on. It happened, it can't be taken back, so that's all there really is to do.
I've felt quite similarly in the past, but what you have to realize is without those experiences you might not be where you are today and you may not have met the person you're with now. So if you think about it like that, it makes it seem like all of your experiences have taught you something that has helped you in the long run. It's tough to get past your past, but once you realize your past has helped your future, it all becomes worth it.
I know, because that's where I am. Without my past I would have never realized who I am as a person and knowing who I am has helped me find someone who I know I'll love forever.
Good luck!
@asdfghjkieu@xanga - Things like sex dont just "happen". You can prevent it, and it may seem hard now, but in hindsight, waiting is worth it.
To the original poster: It can be hard to get over stupid mistakes. Thinking of your boyfriend as your first is lying to yourself. The more time you get between now and then, the better you will feel.
I regret every boy I've been with except my current boyfriend, also. But I think that if me and my boyfriend ended up breaking up, and I found a new boy, I might end up regretting being with this one, too. Ya know? Things might seem like a good idea at the time but when you look back...it's not.
I still don't understand why virginity is such a oh-so-big subject in 2009.
You should really get over it.
You said it yourself, that your boyfriend loves you the way you are. Why not just accept it? He'll continue loving you even though you were virgin or not. This is not what decides love and its feelings.
Face it, everyone was naive once.
I knew girls (super duper duper close friends) who lost it as young as the age of 12-13. They were naive. Also another factor that they lost their virginity so young was that they went out with guys at least 2+ years older than them. It is normal to fall in the arms of a "bad guy" once in your lifetime, or worse, twice and more.
I admit, I was naive too, but too bad, it was our decision (our as in people who lost our virginity) to lose it, and there's no point of return.
Know that there's no control of your past, but know that there's a certain control for your future, and you should invest your thoughts and time on the future instead of dwelling in the past.
Be brave, girl.
Don't feel bad at all. You've learned your lesson you said it yourself. You can't go back and change whats happened and its honestly ok. You live and you learn and you have a guy tht your with now to share all of your sexual experiances with. Don't be so hard on yourself, which is easier said then done, but it'll be alright.
yea..what can i say? ..curiosity killed the cat
i seriously have the same exact problem! i've slept with the same amount of guys too lol
i just try to forget about it, learn from it, and move on. my current boo is all that matters<3
I've only ever had sex with my current boyfriend, but I did have a similiar situation as far as everything before "home plate", if you will, is concerned. I just didn't respect myself as much as I should have, and that was my bad, I accept that.
In the end, you just have to be comfortable with yourself and who you've become, and it sounds like your boyfriend is a great person to help you do that.
i was way too naive about it and i regretted half of them. But its all in the past... What can I say to it you know? No way of taking it back
nope. not really lol I know that when i have sex the first nite it means one nite stand lol.............. so ...I think before I do it ,if i want that =)
so yeah I did have one of those but i dont regret it =) lol it was fun, just wat I needed. I dont wanna see the guy again. =D
That's kind of why I'm trying not to do the deed with my current boyfriend. I'll be the first one to admit that it's hard to wait, but I would rather wait than be regretting it later if we break up. There's no telling if we will end in several years or not. The lack of a formal commitment is where I have a problem. I don't want to regret any of my past experiences, and think that I could have held out for my future husband. But hey..he could be my future husband...but I'll at least wait to engagement.
-But: To each their own though. And like others have said, it's okay to make mistakes because that's how we learn. Don't worry about it, and enjoy your time with your guy. =)
Yah know how you feel... but what's done is done... no regrets :)