I Didn't Ignore Him While I Was "Going Through A Lot"

Thursday, 30 April 2009

I Didn't Ignore Him While I Was "Going Through A Lot"
There's this guy I met at work last year. At first we were just friends. After I left that job, we started hanging out, and last January, we started having sex together. It was really good...that is, until I realized that I was starting to have feelings for him.
We talked about where we are and the possibility of dating, etc. He said he was interested in me and would like to give dating a try. Then, he just stopped calling/texting/emailing me. Last week, I finally sent him an email to let him know I was thinking about him and that if I never hear from him, I'll be okay. He writes back saying that he was sorry for going "MIA" and hurting my feelings. He said that he's been going through a lot lately and has been trying to tell who his true "friends" actually are (sidenote - he's 32). Then he says he'd love to start hanging out with me and get to know me again and to give him a call sometime.

So, I understand he might have been going through a lot, but it really hurt my feelings for him to just ignore me all these months, of which i was going through personal issues as well. Part of me wants to call him, see him, and believe that he really was having a hard time...but then there's another part of me that says not to because he's playing me. I'm not sure what to do.
Does it sound like he was playing me and using "I've been going through a lot" as an excuse? Should I give him another try?

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No, since he's using you, you should go out with all his friends and tell everyone he's gay.
- 4/30/2009 5:07 PM
- Dare2BDiferentt@xanga (message)
- reply
Even if he was trying to figure out some stuff, he totally could've emailed you back. It's no excuse for completely ignoring someone. Kinda ridiculous of him.
I don't think he's playing you, but I don't necessarily think he's worth your time anyway. Do you want to be with someone who ignores your existence when hard times arise?
- 4/30/2009 5:10 PM
- steph (message)
- reply
If he can't give you the time why should you? Find someone who wants to be with you and will come to you when they're going through a lot, not ignore you and leave you hanging!
- 4/30/2009 5:11 PM
- kaybaby666@xanga (message)
- reply
When he stopped calling/texting, did you bother to call/text him until you finally caved and told him you were thinking about him? If not, I fail to see how you didn't ignore him as well.
I'm not sure what him being 32 is supposed to do here... can you not experience problems with your friends in your 30's?
- 4/30/2009 5:12 PM
- RazorBladeParade@xanga (message)
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@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - True dat. haha
- 4/30/2009 5:15 PM
- justXforXyou_beautiful@xanga (message)
- reply
@justXforXyou_beautiful@xanga - I like your username. :D
- 4/30/2009 5:15 PM
- Dare2BDiferentt@xanga (message)
- reply
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - Haha umm well, thanks. Unless you're being sarcastic... o.O
- 4/30/2009 5:17 PM
- justXforXyou_beautiful@xanga (message)
- reply
He's probably married.
Or he just wanted sex.
Or maybe he actually was going through a hard time. Guys handle that stuff different than women do. We focus more on ourselves than on others during those times.
- 4/30/2009 5:22 PM
- quicksandbuddy@xanga (message)
- reply
he's just not that into you.
if a guy likes you and wants to spend time with you, he will make it happen.

wait for him to contact you first.
- 4/30/2009 5:40 PM
- xoxo
- reply
@xoxo - I second that! Turning a f* buddy into a boyfriend tough to do--and I'm not sure it's really advisable anyway. He's not that into you. Move on.
- 4/30/2009 5:42 PM
- LaBellaMorena (message)
- reply
He was using you. Drop him and move on.
- 4/30/2009 5:44 PM
- LlothoftheDrow@xanga (message)
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Like everyone said... DROP HIM!!!!!! He even said he went MIA on you. Forget him and move on to find someone who will treat you better.
- 4/30/2009 5:47 PM
- madishka@xanga (message)
- reply
def' sounds like he's playing you. just move on. trust me.
- 4/30/2009 5:59 PM
- s0rair0@xanga (message)
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He didn't talk to you because he had no desire to talk to you. If he was too busy, that means you weren't at all a priority.

He may not be the scum of the earth or anything, but it doesn't really sound like you're that important to him.
- 4/30/2009 6:02 PM
- JaydenWolf@xanga (message)
- reply
bootycalls/f*ck buddies don't successfuly cross over to being a well-adjusted bf candidate. it doesn't work... especially since him dealing with things that was beyond you made you feel hurt.

I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt that he is really sorry that he has hurt your feelings but if I was him, I'd probably ignore you too. If I'm having issues with figuring out who my real friends are (it doesn't matter how old the person is, such an experience can be mind boggling and frustrating) you are clearly not as important to him as you'd like him to consider you. (i do apologize if this comes off as harsh). But when you did email him, if he was playing you, he didn't have to email you back with a vague explanation. Ultimately, he's not YOU. You'd probably behave differently than him but other than having sex with him, you probably don't know him all too well... Perhaps you're overestimating your position in his life?Good luck
- 4/30/2009 6:09 PM
- kor_girl@xanga (message)
- reply
I don't think you should be too serious about him. He may have been going through stuff, but if he were really interested in you I don't think he would have just ignored you for a while like that without giving you notice first.
- 4/30/2009 6:50 PM
- JupitersDays@xanga (message)
- reply
If he said he was interested in you and would like to give dating a try, why did all of a sudden he pulled a stop to everything until you recently contacted him? Sounds to me like he wasn't all that interested in you the first time around.
Even if he was going through a lot, if he was interested, he should of let you known ahead of time and be considerate. I say, "NEEXXXXT!"
- 4/30/2009 7:09 PM
- jeezshoua@xanga (message)
- reply
I vote no.
- 4/30/2009 7:11 PM
- jweav23@xanga (message)
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Nope drop him, it's not hard to talk to your possible SO when your going through a hard time. Hes not worth your time.
- 4/30/2009 7:12 PM
- walking_a_long_lonely_road@xanga (message)
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"He's just not that into you"
- 4/30/2009 7:30 PM
- Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga (message)
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yeah idk. if he couldn't even call, email, or text, then that's saying something. i mean how hard is it to text someone back and give a short explanation? i think if the guy cared about you and how you felt, he would've at least texted you back. to me it sounds like you're going for long term and he's going for short term. good luck~
- 4/30/2009 7:38 PM
- sorrento12@xanga (message)
- reply
It sounds like he was just trying to make an excuse. If he really cared he would tell you what's going on in his life and not totally ditch you. Well at least that's what I think.
- 4/30/2009 7:44 PM
- xjadersx@xanga (message)
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@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - I agree!! Maybe throw in that he's small too.
- 4/30/2009 9:16 PM
- scrapbook_romance (message)
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i think.. youve hinted enough. if he really seems sincere about it next time.. dont be so quick to run to the third base. for now.. really try to keep yoru mind off of him. it'll do you good. why hurt.. when he's probably not giving half a snap about it.
- 4/30/2009 9:50 PM
- kuro_kokoro@xanga (message)
- reply
he doesn't deserve a second chance. when he went MIA, the least that he could've done was give you a notice that he needed his space and personal time.
- 4/30/2009 10:12 PM
- kelly11289@xanga (message)
- reply