Thursday, 30 April 2009
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Not In A Relationship? You Must Be Sleeping Around!
In the last two weeks, I've had two completely unconnected people, of different sexes, declare to me that they think I'm the kind of guy who has one-night stands. Now, honestly, I don't have the greatest of memories, but I cannot remember the last time I actually had a one-night stand. I don't see myself as that kind of guy; I mean, yeah, so I know I'm not ugly and I get on well with the ladies, but I'm not much of one to sleep around, as such.When confronted with this rather awkward statement, I just laughed it off and asked casually what would make them think such a thing. I like to let people form their own opinions and don't go out of my way to set them straight unless it's really necessary, and it's not like these two were being derogatory about it; they're actually both very good friends of mine. Their reasoning seems sound but it's certainly not complete: they rarely, if ever, hear me talk about the women I've been with, even when they spend a lot of time talking about their own relationships; therefore there is no chance that I've been in any recent serious relationships, so I must just sleep with random women on a one-night only basis.
It makes some sense, I guess. They're right in thinking that I haven't had anything serious to shout about but, to be honest, even if I did, I don't think I'd actually be telling everyone about it. I suppose that if I was seeing someone regularly for a long period of time, maybe a month or so, something might have slipped out during general conversation. I wouldn't, however, be announcing it to the world or changing Facebook status if I went out with the same girl three dates in a row. That's just me.
Don't get me wrong, it's not like I’m actively avoiding a relationship; I told both of my friends, "Sure, if the right girl came along, I could see myself settling down a little". But that hasn't happened yet and I don't feel in a position where I need to be in a relationship to be happy. I refuse to be one of those people who tether themselves to any old partner just because they're afraid to be alone. I'm fine with being alone and when I really want some company, I can find it (without skank searching or street crawling, thank you!).
I neither confirmed nor denied the allegation because it is at least partially true and I quite like the fact that they think of me as something of a ladies' man. Although it does make me wonder how people's perceptions and connected reasoning work sometimes: because I' ve not been in a relationship for a while, I must sleep around. Is there no middle ground in people's minds? What would you think?
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About the Author
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- From: MelancholyRambler@xanga
- About Me: I like semi-colons and proper spelling and grammar. I like reading mundane blogs with no agenda. I like to go down the pub, even if I'm on my own, and make friends with the bar staff over a scotch on ice. More often than not, there is someone I know there I can hang out with. I don't like people who incessantly go on about their weight or only talk about their supposed problems with drugs or alcohol and my pet peeve: the tragic love lives of the "lonely". Okay so all these things are very sad but it's all I ever seem to hear about. Aren't you people bored of talking about the same stuff all the time?
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Comments (27)
I would never think that. I would just assume that you were a private person about that kind of stuff (which it sounds like you are), but that might be because I'm like that too.
I'm agree with you and I myself am in the same situation of yours...I prefer calling myself "emotively on break"..
No, people really have no middle ground!
I've had a similar experience...I have been single for quite a while, but have lots of really close male friends, and have a male roommate.
Tons of people assume I'm either hooking up with (or secretly dating) my roommate or sleeping with at least one of the other close guy friends of mine.
apparently theres no middle ground for other people. idk y, maybe its what THEY do when theyre single. ive been single for a while, hang around alot of guys. so of course people get the wrong impression about me. but they can judge, w/e.
btw. theres a certain stereotype of guys that i just assume sleep w/ alot of girls. but its not really a stereotype because THEY DO. aka typical college jock, blah blah blah. catch my drift?
I think people need to get over themselves. So what if someone has a lot of one night stands?
@scrapbook_romance - Yup, you're right there. Some things are just meant to be private.
@NiDH0GG@xanga - Emotively on break - I like it.
@socially_a_reject@xanga - Oh dear, the misunderstandings could lead to dangerous assumptions there.
@SicTransitGloria19@xanga - Too true, there are a lot of people out there who really do sleep around a lot. I'm pretty sure I couldn't possibly come across as one of those, though.
@RazorBladeParade@xanga - I agree. What's with all the judging!?
I don't think that of people at all, unless they flirt with tons of women and have had asked them to go home together. But that's different from actually getting some LOL.
@GaMeGurLsH@xanga - yeah cause you could go home and play like Monopoly or something :D
o_O Maybe people are like that when we grow older but from where I come from, we don't discuss sex ... at all. At college, I find that people are a lot more open-minded than my high school.
This brought a smile to my face.
It's more or less the same logic that occurs in highschool of:
"We've not heard of any relationships and you have a very close guy/girl friend. Ergo; you must be going out/gay."
Which I experienced. I'd been with someone for about 2 years and I just hadn't felt it necessary to tell everyone about it except my nearest and dearest.
But so goes. I think I might rather be perceived as sleeping around a bit, just for the ego boost though over being perceived as being a bit to straight and narrow =P
A lot of people (including myself) think this way...I guess because I know it's what I and my friends do, that I (probably usually wrongly) assume other people are the same way? lol
While I don't get it a lot back home (my high school and the surrounding area), the newer friends I've made here at college seem to immediately jump to that conclusion as well. It just so happens that a majority of my closest friends are in relationships, and many of my guy friends aren't, so when I don't want to be third-or-fifth wheel I'll hang out with them... and I guess in some people's minds that means I sleep around. I really don't get it, considering I'm a virgin and plan on staying that way for a while. =P
I think sometimes people judge based on a culture that seems to more and more revolve around sex and sexual relations rather than people on their own personal level. I'm typically single and I'm fine with that; then again, I have a few friends that you *could* define as having a lot of one-night stands, and what's wrong with that? To each his own! People need to stop judging... and let us live our lives. =]
you shouldn't care too much about what other people say. you know the truth. that's all that matters.
haha I cant say anything because that is what I'm doing.
I think I've been traumatized when it comes to dating so, as I tell people : "I don't date people, I just do them."
This is my dilemma as well; I'm not looking for a 'steady boyfriend' at the moment because I've been and will be super busy for the rest of the summer. I'm just 'dating' but when people ask about my current status, there's only two settings to their imaginations. 1) Looking to fall in love, get married and have babies ASAP or 2) Sleeping around casually. WHY? Why doesn't 'dating' constitutes as a legitimate stage without being associated as an avid one-night stander? *shrug* As soon as I utter the words "I'm not looking for a boyfriend but just to date" guys end up switching up their repertoire and get super perverse about the topics at hand. "Oh you like to have 'fun' huh?" WTF? Sheer oddity....
SO yeah, I can totally relate....
@GaMeGurLsH@xanga - Haha good point.
@Dustin_wind@xanga - Twisters always a good one!
@a_single_raindrop@xanga - It's true that college people are much more open minded but there are still a lot of people who won't talk about the really private stuff.
@naznomarn@xanga - Yeah, I dunno, as long as people don't think I'm some sort of manwhore, I'm okay with it.
@spidergrass@xanga - It is all too easy to project your own habits onto others because that's just what you've come to expect.
@cyanidebutterfly@xanga - Too right, enough with the judgement. It did seem that way when I went to university, that everyone would try to kinda pair up and if you didn't, stories would fly like crazy.
@Neurotically_Mine@xanga - Hmm, I guess that's part of the reason I don't make a big deal about correcting them. Good philosophy.
@thinkin_up_dreams@xanga - Haha, fair enough; to each his/her own.
@kor_girl@xanga - Eugh, yup. Hit the nail on the head there. Some people are so narrow minded.
This happens to me. Most of my friends either see me as a 'nice guy' or 'one of those guys'. I rarely get into relationships, and I am often seen with diffrent women quite often. I just have a lot of girls who are friends --- it doesn't mean I am a manwhore.
It sounds like you and I have similar problems. You are just having some random sex all the time, and I am wanting random sex all the time from guys I don't know!
http://www.datingish.com/700330344/guys-translate-im-not-interested-in-dating-as-lets-sleep-together/?page=1#
Sounds like destiny has put us together! lmao.
I wouldn't think that because someone hasn't been in a relationship for a while that he/she would be having one-night stands. I don't know how or why someone would come to that conclusion.
@thinkin_up_dreams@xanga - hahaha. I like your way of thinking. ^_~
Is there a word for that, insulting compliment? Insulpliment. Haha.
When was it wrong to take time off in between relationships to reflect and learn about yourself for a change? I don`t see why some people choose to resemble barnacles when it comes to relationships. Independence is sexy.
well i'm 19, single and well trained. i get hit on by a lot of guys, but i reject everyone cos i don't want a relationship right now, nor do i want a one night thing...i'm also extremely picky. people who don't know me are quick to judge i sleep around and never call back, when in fact, i'm a virgin and have never gone past making out. i guess it;s some people's way of trying to justify themselves or sth, or fill up an awkward silence with some primitive form of conversation...so let them talk, it just means i' m a topic :P
@Just_Crispy@xanga - Yup, that's exactly it. Everyone thinks it's all or nothing!
@yourblondeness@xanga - Well, kinda... I'm not into "random sex", per se, but I seem to be getting that kinda rep.
@BerryBerries@xanga - Some people I will never understand. The logic doesn't quite work right all the time.
@coconut_dream@xanga - Haha, good one; I like your thoughts on independence too.
@kiwi_greenie@xanga - I can understand how you feel. Though I do sleep with women occassionally, it seems people judge me to be something a whole lot more than that.
@MelancholyRambler@xanga - I got the point of your entry....but I don't think you got the point of my response...which was sarcasm.
@yourblondeness@xanga - Oh bugger, I see that now; and now I feel dumb.... heh