Thursday, 30 April 2009
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Is It Silly to be a Hopeless Romantic?
I made a post on Xanga a couple days ago about how I was really going to concentrate on searching for love and searching for a mate. I decided that was more important to me than my search for religious answers, at least for the moment (though I am pretty sure that it always will be). I also figured it would be more productive, because finding someone is a goal that I could possibly achieve, an event that would make me VERY happy if/when it happens.I know I am definitely at least a bit romantic, and I think I might even fall into the category of being a "hopeless romantic". Not only did I mention it in that post, but I also talk all the time in real life about how much I desperately want love, and about how much it pains me that I don't have love (and don't feel I have ever had it). I want that one special woman who I can hold in my arms and tell her how much she means to me, and show her how much I care for her. It is something I want so much that it often makes me unable to concentrate, and at times has even made me physically ill. I think about it night and day with my heart aching to find it, and it cries out that I don't have it.
First of all, does this make me a hopeless romantic? I know that pretty much everyone desires love to a point, but it is the one thing I want most out of life, and I would do pretty much anything to get it. I don't really believe in fate or destiny, nor do I really believe in God anymore, but I still often think that there is one special person out there for me just waiting for me to find her. My rational mind tells me there are probably multiple people who could potentially qualify, but my heart tells me that there is one unique individual out there who will be my soulmate, and nobody else.
Whether this all makes me a hopeless romantic or not, is it silly for me to think such things? Is it silly for me to go around trying to find "the one," thinking that there will only be one person who will ever fill that part of me that needs companionship? I haven't had much experience with relationships, so I am still learning exactly what I want in a mate. But it is something I have thought about a LOT, so I think I have a pretty good idea. I also know that whoever I end up in a relationship with that I will give myself completely to her, loving her for who she is, possibly even to my own detriment. Because of my lack of experience though, I am just afraid that I will settle down too quickly, deciding to make a life with the person I am with when there could have been something more. But then again, I don't want to spend the rest of my life searching and pass up some potentially great opportunities for love.
I know the first task is to find someone, regardless. But I am just wondering if I am going about this the wrong way. Or perhaps I don't really know who I really am when it comes to relationships and have much to learn. I am still very new at all of this (yes, even being in my mid-20s), so I would really like some advice.
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About the Author
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- From: gsmith03@xanga
- Name: George
- Location: Kansas City, Missouri, United States
- About Me: I am a 27-year old male living in the Kansas City area. I went to a Christian school and lost my faith. I like to read, surf the internet, play video games (especially Final Fantasy), and watch football. I am a big Denver Bronco fan, and currently my favorite player is Champ Bailey, though my all-time favorite player will always be John Elway.
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Comments (22)
You sound almost a bit desperate. I think you should let love find you, as opposed to going to search for it. I've found love in the most unexpected of people.
YES ,this is silly .
Btw I'm a silly man too.
i prefer to be known as a "hopeful romantic"
advice? i would loose the profile pic as that is no where near a desirable attitude for a woman to see.
and i have to agree with steph...i have never "found" love, it found me.
why do people keep telling others that let love comes to you? If you don't go out there and get it yourself, you won't get anything! You just have to take risks and go for it even if you have zero chance for success. But what I don't mean is desperately put yourself out there, just enjoy the ride
@DDBoy06@xanga - I think they don't mean being passive...you still enjoy your life and put yourself out there, but you don't treat "finding love" as your one and only goal in life. There comes a point when you're trying so hard that you're missing out on the big picture. But I do agree, sometimes you just have to take risk and take a leap of faith.
And to to blogger, I want to say that it's great to be romantic to the right person, but don't lose yourself in the process, you worry me with "I will give myself completely to her, loving her for who she is, possibly even to my own detriment." THE one will love you for who you are, and if you give up "yourself" what is there for her to love?
let love find you. that's definitely the best advice. but to answer your title, yes it is silly to be a hopeless romantic. I feel like in relationships, you should still be logical in it. ehh.
I don't know why people are telling you to let love find you. You can't love someone if you don't build that kind of relationship. You need to be out pursuing relationships and working on one to where you've built something that matches what you want.
The idea of love finding you and stuff, that's all good and fun but it's highly romanticized and that's just not solely what gets people where they want to be.
@steph - Agreed.
I think you just need to relax and let love happen when it happens. If you're looking for it this desperately, you're likely to put too much pressure and too many expectations on any relationship that you start, and none of them will be able to work out like that.
Yes, it's silly.
This concept of "finding the one", while it feels all warm and fuzzy, is actually quite dangerous if you can't keep a realistic view of what "the one" will be like.
"The one" will not be able to read your mind.
"The one" will not always understand you perfectly. In fact, "the one" may make you feel furious and hurt and sad some of the time.
A perfect relationship doesn't just appear out of thin air. Like @RazorBladeParade@xanga said, a good relationship is built up gradually. It takes time to develop that sort of rapport and understanding, and it's certainly not going to happen if you're always wondering "what else is out there" instead of focusing on strengthening the relationship you're in.
hey, that pic looks like it's from Heroes!!!!
i think there's a fine line between being a hopeless romantic who would really like to find love, and a needy romantic who feels as if they absolutely must or things won't be okay until this happens.
i definitely don't think there's anything wrong with love being your paramount desire, but when that desire eclipses everything else in your life to the extent that it becomes a fixation, i think you may well be waxing unhealthy, because such a focus will inevitably bring detriment to other aspects of your life that you'll end up neglecting.
i agree with other comments here: it would definitely be best if you'd just take it easy and let things happen instead of absolutely needing them to. i completely agree with your fear that you may, in your desperation, settle too quickly for someone who isn't necessarily meant for you- i see it happen all the time with people who experience this problem- and i think in order to avoid that you should really slow down and try to get more out of life on the whole.
i understand where you're coming from; in fact, i'm sure nearly every human being does even if they don't want to admit it or be so vocal about it. we'd all love to have the security and bliss of healthy romantic companionship; it's one of the most universal and omnipresent of all human desires. but to focus on it unceasingly is a real danger to your mental ease, and it's honestly not going to help or change things. everything will work out; you just need to truly believe and accept that it will, and instead of looking for love directly, maybe branch out and do more things in life. being an active participant in the world is the likeliest way to find love; your perfect match isn't just going to come skipping up to your front door. =)
best of luck & don't give up!
@gentlydreaming@xanga - I completely agree.
@steph - This is spot on.
@mybustedbus@xanga - Why thank you. :]
@buddy71@xanga - good advice! i guess i better call myself a hopeful romantic too hehe ;)
@AishahAnsari@xanga - thanks! hopeful romantics unite!
Have you tried any match making sites? I found my last husband on LoveAccess.com.
i say let love find u. i've went looking for love before and all it did was get me in a mess. i will tell u right now, just letting love happen worked for me, i fell in love with someone last year exactly a year and 6 days ago.i met the guy that day.
Don't let your assumptions that a girl is "the one" let you put up with any kind of abuse over time.. That's not cool either.
I think you should focus on the religious stuff first. A person should know and love themself before knowing and loving someone else.
I don't think your thoughts are silly or foolish at all. I think you are definitely a hopeless romantic and very wise for it. It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes by Henry David Thoreau. "When we are unhurried and wise, we perceive that only great and worthy things have any permanent and absolute value, that petty fears and petty pleasures are but the shadow of reality." I am a hopeless romantic myself, and have felt what you have described. Thanks for the inspirational writing.