Wednesday, 29 April 2009
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When Your Gay Friend Says He's Always Crushed on You
Miss Toucan
My first year of college was over as of this past Thursday (yessssssssss *happy dance*), and the weekend before that, I got together with some of my friends from high school. My friends Joey and Reba and I hung out at Barnes & Noble and we starting joking around about how stupid we used to be a few years ago.Okay, important background information: Reba is a lesbian as of about 3 years ago, and Joey has defined himself as gay for the past year or so - he was bi for a year before that.
Reba and I always had this sneaking suspicion that because Joey was the stereotypical weirdo/nerd in middle school, when he switched schools he decided he would create a new persona and that persona happened to be bi/gay. He went back and forth far too much to convince us he really was gay.
Joey left my school after 8th grade after having a crush on me for a couple years and I didn't see him for about a year. When I finally saw him again (and he was still straight) he was...well, HOT! He suddenly got hot - it was insane. Aaaand, now back to the story.So we were talking about our collective idiocy and Reba made this random crack about how I used to have a crush on Joey. Joey laughed and then, after seeing me look at Reba, asked me if it was true. I had no problem admitting it, of course, considering Joey is now gay, but I noticed he didn't laugh about it quite like Reba and I did.
A few days later, while I was packing up my things in my dorm, I got a phone call from Joey. He hastily asked me where I was; I said I was in my dorm, and he asked me how to get there because, apparently, he drove up to campus, which is a 45-minute trip for him. I was confused, but I gave him directions and let him in anyway.
So there we were, standing in my dorm, and he straight up asked me if I was serious about having a crush on him a few years ago. Feeling relieved my roommate isn't here for this, I laughingly said, "Yes, but what does it matter?"
"Well, I had a crush on you too," he replied, looking increasingly awkward.
"I know. Did you drive all the way up here to tell me that?" I was really confused at this point (because I'm an idiot and hadn't caught on!). He whispered, "no," turned red, shuffled around a bit, and then (I swear to God) leaned in and KISSED ME!
After the initial shock had worn off and I realized what the HECK was going on, I pushed him away and practically screamed, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?"
"I-I like you..." he said, because apparently that makes a tongued assault (yeah, there was tongue) okay.
My brilliant response? "But...you're GAY!!"
"I always liked you though," he replied.
"But...I'm a girl." I was entirely clueless.
"Well, that's what I mean. You're the only girl I've ever liked."
"But...you're gay."
"Except for you," he said, and then reached down and grabbed my hand.
At this point my brain imploded and I explained to him that this was all just way too crazy-weird for me and I thought he should go. He said he understood, left, and we didn't speak again until this past Friday.Since then, he has done nothing but talk about how much he likes me and heckle me about how I feel about him. I've tried to, as politely as possible, tell him that I am not interested in him because...well, he was gay...is gay... Oh, I don't even know anymore, and that's the reason I'm not interested.
My questions for all of you are, what is going through his mind and how do I handle this without losing a dear friend?
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Comments (45)
I've actually had this situation happen to me....twice. It was very confusing and very hard for me because I lost both of them as friends. I was told to stay away from one from my girlfriend because I was confusing his sexuality. And the other one was my boyfriends at the time best friend.
I wish you luck. I guess just try being honest with him. Goodluck hun
@XxWiltedRosexX@xanga - When I say girlfriend I mean friend that's a girl.
"Except for you"
That's hysterical. xD
But it also really sucks, sounds like a dude who thought he was doing what he wanted because he had no other option, then realised that it used to be an option, I desperately desires it to STILL be an option.
That's not particularly coherent >.>
He obviously likes you. And I'd say if you like him, maybe you can be the one that makes him straight again, or he's prolly just bi or something idk. But if you like him and can see past it that he's willing to forego his homosexuality for you, then maybe you should give it a shot.
On the other hand, I would suggest that you just keep telling him that you aren't interested in him in that way, but that's if you truly don't like him.
Think about it.
I think that you should let him know that the reason you are confused is because you aren't sure if he's sure of his sexuality. Maybe just telling him will let him explain himself more so that you have a better understanding of where he's at, and can make your decisions from there in a more informed way.
The best of luck... I'd really like to hear how everything turns out :)
Honesty is always the best policy, even if it's hard. Be straight up honest with him. If he's one of your good friends, then you should be able to do that with no problem. True friends understand, and they're not selfish. If he's your true friend then he won't be selfish - meaning he'll put your feelings ahead of his. He'll want what you want for yourself, and if that means you two stay friends, then he should want that too. Good luck, I hope you two can stay cool with each other.
you said yourself he was bi, so what's the confusion?
As of next Tuesday, I'll be done with my first year of college as well :]
He's obviously kinda confused. I wouldn't get with someone who was so unsure about their sexuality. You should talk to him & tell him he needs to figure things out before he thinks about anything else involving the two of you.
Last summer my best friend of 6 years admit that she's in love with me. She's bi and I'm straight. I didn't feel awkward about it at all. Haha we're actually planning to move in together when we go to college, as friends.
This is hillarious. I can safely say that because I have had a similar situation with a friend of mine that was gay. I am still friends with him but with me as it will be for you, your gonna have alot of awkward moments to work through before the friendship will get back to normal.
Maybe he doesn't see gender or sexuality when he's with you. It's a little weird but I find it somewhat endearing. Though I"m not sure what that says about him being gay. Maybe he's bi after all.
what a pickle.
Surprisingly enough, my lovelife has never been this complicated and as humorous as the situation seems, it's probably a huge embarrassment and loss of what to do.
Honestly, sitting him down and talking to him about wth he's doing might be the best way to clear the air about what's going on. Somewhere public but not too public.
LOL..
Ugh, I'm not finished w/ my first year until June something and I still have summer school. But anyway, I think you should tell him how you feel. He obviously likes you a lot and is thinking about you.
If you don't want to hurt him, tell him that you still want to be friends, and hopefully he'll accept it.
whoa. Â that's bizarre and I have absolutely no advice for you. Well, I guess if you feel anything at all you could see where it goes, but I don't really know to be honest.Â
I don't know why, but I was reading this in the author's perspective as a man. So it confused me when the author said, "but you're gay," and I was thinking, "but isn't the author gay too?" hahahaha I'm so funny.
anyway, VERY interesting story. I wouldn't know what to do!
Well... LOL... um, he OBVIOUSLY liked you... a lot & he drove up just to tell you that. BUT, he's got you confused & he is too, of his sexuality and you need to know that first BEFORE you make any decisions. Tell him you need a straight answer from him (LOL, no pun intended), if he's gay or straight, and only then will you think about it. But if you have no feelings for him at all, then you should just tell him you wanna be friends & that's how far it'll go. Good luck...lol
Sexuality is not as black and white as you seem to think it is. And for many people it is an identity as much as an attraction; it becomes a part of them. Many gay men who have bisexual tendencies ("homoflexible" men, if you will) will simply define as gay because it is easier, or because they haven't met many women that make them feel the romantic/sexual/etc attraction that men make them feel. That doesn't mean it's impossible. I don't see why that's so confusing to understand.
Yeah, I'm not sure why you're thinking he HAS to be either gay or straight.
Lame.
maybe youre meant to be.
it even made him overcome his sexuality.
that rhymed.
You shouldn't just classify someone as gay/bi/straight. It's not always a natural-born thing. Sometimes experiences and psychological imbalances and what/not can shape someone's perceived orientation. If he likes you, he likes you. You shouldn't just write him off because "he's gay." Take him seriously. By rejecting him simply for the reason that he's claimed to be gay you're forcing him into a stereotypical box he may not want to be forced into.
He knows himself better than you, so don't tell him what he is.
i actually have many friends who are gay except for a certain person. my bestie was a full on hardcore lesbian (i don't mean dyke i mean she wouldn't even look at a penis) until she met her now boyfriend. she doesn't know why but this is the only guy she likes.
That just seems heartbreaking in a way..
I seriously think he really likes you.
I don't know about you, but it's touching when a man who's bi/gay falls for no one else but you.
And if he's willing to turn straight for you, then... that's just amazing.
That's my point of view though. (Sorry, I'm not bi/gay, can't really put myself in his shoes)
like you said, he used to go back and forth so much. it seems like he does like you. and if you like him, then you should try it. but if not, just tell him you're not interested... and still wants to be friends