Wednesday, 29 April 2009
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How Do You Get Over The Fear of Rejection?
Often, I find it happens that people who you don't want show interest in you while the people YOU want don't want anything to do with you.Well here's my story. I've secretly liked this guy for nearly ten years - secretly, because I don't want to get rejected by him, so I just occasionally talk to him. I don't even know if he has a girlfriend or not; I'm too chicken to ask around. I don't want an answer to that in fear to hear that he does have a girlfriend...knowing my bad luck. He doesn't mention whether or not he's single on Facebook either...and I saw he doesn't have a wedding ring on, so I think he at least might not be married, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have a girlfriend. He's talked about his brother and his brother's family/wife, but nothing personal about his.
I've never asked to hang out with him by myself, I've just known him from work. The funny thing is, I've hung out with all my other coworkers one on one and such, but I've never hung out with him alone. I'm not sure if it's because of the age difference...he's 28 and I'm 23, and the other coworker was actually a few months younger than me, too, but there was this girl who is 32 that I used to hang out with.
I don't know why, but I just can't bring myself to ask him to hang out with me. The one time I was so close to ask him to hang out with me, when I finally got over it, I was interrupted and since then, I haven't had the courage anymore.
He hasn't rejected me simply because I haven't asked him to hang out with me. Because of my past experience of guys I were truly interested who weren't interested back, I have that fear that this guy will give me the same treatment even though I haven't asked.
Is anyone like me? If you are, how have you gotten over this fear?
I am having a lot more daydreams about this guy lately and I am getting more and more devastated just because of my past bad luck with people I've wanted not showing interest in me. Instead, I'm fighting off creepers.
Most my friends I hang out with won't be in town for the summer, so I'll mostly be on my own bored as heck, but I know this guy will be around, and yet I'm too afraid to ask to hang out.
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Comments (28)
I'm always afraid of rejection. This is really hypocritical of me, but you should ask the guy to hang out this summer! If you don't ask, you'll never know what could've been. That's what I tell myself sometimes when I'm afraid to take a risk because of my fear of rejection.
If you go for it often and get rejected a few times the effects of it gets weaken. Still sucks, but not as big of a blow as the first time.
yeah rejection fades off with time and when you realize he's just not that into you, you eventually gain the courage to move on. Its a great mindset to gain once you just don't give a crap anymore. Fortune favors the bold so take risks
@steph - Exactly. I'm gonna be a hypocrite too, but you should just ask him out. You'll never know if you don't ask!
I've been crushing on my best friend for 5 years now. I can't get over the fear of rejection and the possible destruction of our friendship to let him know how I feel. However, now I am afraid that never telling him may end up hurting more in the long run. Geez it sucks being a girl.
I don't know if it's possible to ever get over the fear or rejection. The only thing you can do is learn to cope with and accept rejection.
Ask yourself what do you have to lose? The most is a bruised ego. That's something that will come back in a few days.
Besides that, I think you are more scared of this than just rejection. If someone has a crush on a guy/girl, I'm sure they can still have hold conversations with their crush. I think it's a combination of fear of rejection, fear of embarrassment, and being extremely shy.
All in all, just do it! Tell yourself you have nothing to lose.
situations like this are funny for me. i mean, you don't know this guy AT ALL. so what right do you have to say that you "like" him. put that in your perspective and all of a sudden he's just any other person.
You should definitely go for it. You never know until you take a chance right? As for the rejection part, know that if he rejects you, it's not a reflection on yourself. I think a lot of people fear rejection because they feel that it says something about themselves, but that isn't always true. If he isn't interested in you, it's not because you have some fault. It's all on what he likes or doesn't like. You know what I'm trying to say?
You've got to get over your feelings. Emotions will always trip you up and make you think irrationally.
If you think of emotions and feelings as chemicals being released in your body, it's not that special anymore.
There's nothing wrong with getting rejected. The real loss here is never asking at all and never getting to know what could have been. You are not a failure for getting rejected, you're a failure for never even playing the game.
Sorry if it sounds like I'm talking to you like a guy, because I kinda am.
Even though I am young, I do understand where you are coming from. Although, I am not sure when my rejection will stop, I can say maybe put yourself in his shoes. If you were him and you had a very nice woman who really like you and you were single would you want to know? I know that if someone really liked me, I would want them to let me in on it. So I would say take a chance. The worse that would happen is that you would be rejected again, but it least you would know and be able to move on. Good Luck!
okay, so i'll honestly tell you that i'm pretty much in the same boat as you are. And i deeply fear rejection because it brings up a sense of impossibility that i'll never find the one. However ironically enough I put out in the universe just this week in fact that i like this guy. it's not a date and not asking him out, but at least now he knows the truth.Â
be brave and take the risk even if its subtle.
@atmaster@xanga - ABSOLUTELY! if you hardly ever talk to this guy there is no way that you know enough about him to seriously like him. if you think you do like him, then you should pursue a friendship by some means, and make it clear that's all you want for the time being to him, and then as time passes, if you like him more, you should take it in a more serious direction.
as for the fear of rejection, don't sweat it. if he doesn't feel the same way, you wouldn't want to be with him anyway, right? so you have to find out how he feels. but remember, be friends first. good luck!
Do the exact same thing you've done with other co-workers. your just hanging out. then while hanging out, he might want to see you more often, and then everything just goes from there. if you think of it as just hanging out with a friend, it wont be so bad. just mention "If your not doing anything this summer, we should hang out." ya know?
let us know how it goes :D
Everyone hates rejection and anyone who says otherwise is full of shit. But just because you hate something doesn't mean you need to be afraid of it. I agree with people above that you become less afraid of it after multiple times of experiencing it. But the first thing I would advise is this, put yourself in the opposite perspective, have you ever rejected someone? What are the thoughts and responses you are going through when you reject them? People take it personally because we automatically correlate it with physical attraction, which may or may not be true. Don't. I mean if you aren't happy with yourself in a certain physical aspect (straight teeth, hygiene, weight) then fix it. But if you are happy with yourself and someone isn't interested with who you are then don't be hurt about it. Do as most people do shrug it off and go about your business.
My second part of advice is this, not asking and getting rejected gets you the same result. If you don't ask him, then 1) you aren't with him, or dating him 2) you will never know if you ever had a shot because you never tried. If you ask him and get rejected, then all you have to deal with is #1 and you can at least have closure and move on.
So swallow your pride and just go.
Just suck it up and go for it. I've been rejected several times, and while it hasn't made me start jumping to confession more quickly, it makes me think about my attraction more clearly, and be able to tell if a guy reciprocates my feelings before I say something. Either way, the feeling of rejection becomes less when it happens more than once.
I have a friend like you who is terrified of rejection. You just have to think, "If I get rejected, it's not the end of the world. There are other people out there." That would usually be the case, but now that you've waited ten long years (way too long to harbor feelings for someone like that), your view has narrowed down to just him, making it harder to believe that there's anyone else. It's no good hiding feelings out of fear. If you don't give it a shot, some other woman will. Besides, it's just hanging out, right?
you simply GO. FOR . IT!
you don't. just go for it. you win some you lose some.Â
You just have to take a risk. That's what life is. I took a huge risk in telling one of my closest friends that I had a crush on him, but it turned out for the better, and we're together now. However, I've been rejected many, many times in the past. Just follow your heart? :]
You've gotta go for it, if you get rejected, don't let it get to you too much. That's all I can say.. do it!
just go for it. you dont know until you tried, plus you dont want to be wondering what if type stuff
i agree with basically everyone's replies. don't know what'll happen unless you try, and there's really not much to lose but so much to gain. to me, i like to think of it as not so much rejection but more of declining. besides, living with regret is not something that feels good. and for 10 years now already! go get 'em~ :D
omggggggggg i have this same problem its baadd and idno how to fix it~!
@DDBoy06@xanga - yeah I agree...
it becomes a normal thing. Which sucks! hahahaha could mean that the standards are too high or else You are not good enough. hahahaa
I think you should just give it a try and then not regret it later because at least you know you did your part and it was his lost if he doesn't feel you back. Just got to move on if it happens.
Read my last post and oyu'll know how I feel about rejection! pfft... Go for what you want; life is defined by the risks we take.