Wednesday, 29 April 2009
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My BF Wants Me To Be "More Controlling" - What?
I've never been a relationship before, so I'm in need of a little help. My SO wants me to be more "controlling" in our relationship; he feels "more in place that way".He isn't so great at explaining things, so I'm still trying to understand what he's talking about, but I'm not getting anywhere. He also says that it would be like a "owner and puppy kind of relationship" (nothing vulgar, mind you).
I want to know what he means by "controlling," so what do you think it means in this case? Also, in your relationship, who's naturally more in control - you or your SO?
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Comments (70)
My husband is definitely more "in control" but, not in a controlling/creepy way. He's just "the boss" and I'm more than happy to let him have that leadership position.
Maybe he means he needs you to be more assertive or take-charge. Controlling always seems to have a negative connotation to it, you know?
That's totally weird. You should definitely ask him more about what he means, 'cause I don't think that anyone besides him knows the answer to that one.
He likes dominatrixes. RUN.
Especially if he says something about a whip or fuzzy handcuffs.
This made me grin. Sounds like he wants you to be more demanding of him. I'd ask him for clarification, but its possible that he wants you to be more selfish and tell him what to do to make you feel happier in the relationship. Try going with it, you might like it ;)
He wants to be whipped (not literally).
Owner and puppy?
The guy's sick.
he wants you to care for him more i guess....well, my SO and i quite ok...he didnt control me and i didnt...he can do what he want and me too...if we dont liek anything, we can have a talk over it....
Yea that is really really confusing. I would just ask him to clarify what on earth he is talking about.
It means he is scared of confrontation. By letting you make all the decisions and him following along, it reduces conflict within the relationship. He wants you to do everything for him and let him ride along. It means that he's too scared or unsure about his decision making abilities.
I say dump his ass because he's a mooch who is too afraid to make any decisions; but wants all of the good things in a relationship rather than the good and the bad like everybody else has to.
Controlling....maybe its his way of knowing that you care. I can kinda relate. I had tough bfs and laid back bfs. I kinda like the tough ones more. Its sexxxxy.
I like my men a lil more jealous than normal too. Im strange like that. And yes, jealous men is cute to me too.
Whatever floats my boat, right?
--Oh yeah...I think Im the more controlling one in the relationship. Always have.
are* cute
He wants you to take the initiative more often and order him around. He doesn't feel needed or manly if he doesn't do things for you or meet your needs, is what that sounds like to me so he wants you to be more controlling in that aspect.
That is unless he is weak and is used to take a "blah" role in a relationship where he needs to be told what to do otherwise he'll just sit there.
In my relationship my boyfriend has a little more control than I do for one he is 43 and am 19 and well he has more money etc than I so he tends to make more decisions about what we do. But in the bedroom (tee-hee) I take control
; p
good luck
@Jubilantlaughter@xanga - 43 and 19? whoa. not hating, just... whoa.
Controlling = He is really care you ~
My first thought is that he's into dominatrix, or at least he's submissive. And no I'm not joking. If you're into being dominant, then go for it.
But since you did say this is your first... I'd say stay away.
I dated a guy once that is into BDSM and I found out in our first make-out session. He started to softly choke me.
I thought it was a mistake, but then he started to pull my hair and then did the choking thing again.
I got out of there fast!!
edit: I just read some of the other comments and it seems like most ppl think it's just him wanting you to wear the pants in the pair. *shrug*
@IntrospectiveOctober@xanga - am happy as can be so that's all that matters. Ya many say whoa, but he doesn't even look remotely 40 lol so am like whatever. Its not the number its the person.
I'm the controlling one. He likes it that way. He was bossed his mother. Go figure.
But sometimes I want the guy to lead me too.
I would guess he wants you to be more decisive.
My fiance and I try to be a team, though some of the decisions are ultimately decided by him, but otherwise we both work together to make a decision.
controlling? im guessing he wants you to make the decisions rather than him
so be in charge
He probably means he doesnt want to make all the decisions and needs someone to lead. Some men need directions from their woman. Usually the power scale tips over to my side a little more in relationships. But it has never been an issue.
I'd say he doesn't want you to be a doormat. Speak up a little and contradict him sometimes - I've been in relationships where he never disagreed with me and it gets really boring, and no one likes to feel as though they're walking all over someone they care about.
However, that's just my opinion (and that's all you'll get on here) so I think the best thing is to ask him either openly ("what do you want?") or directly ("is this what you want?). It's great you guys are talking about what you want in a relationship.
My husband and I are neutral. Neither of us has more control over the other. Lmao. And I like it that way!
Controlling.. make more demands of him. Tell him what to do, where to go, what to wear. That was my guess!
Ask him for clarifications.. only he really knows what he wants.