Miss Reindeer For the first time I am voyaging into the world of dating multiple people at one time. I used to be one of the girls that put all her eggs in one basket - even if I was casually seeing a guy, I wouldn't casually see another guy in case things took off with the first guy. Catch my drift? But I'm at a point in my life where I have no interest in being in a serious relationship whatsoever, though that certainly doesn't mean I'm going to shy away from offers to go on dates. So I find myself having two dates with two different guys in the same week. Plus, I have this other guy on the back burner that's texting me, but we haven't set up an actual date yet. Maybe next week; I'm not about to double-book. That's just tacky.
So I'm going out with H. again this weekend. This date will probably make him or break him because so far, I just don't think we have too much in common. I'm going to go in with an open mind, though.
I thought he might be my "Number 5" (see
this post), but I'm not so sure anymore. I think he's totally hot, but I just don't think we have that great of a connection. We don't seem to have the same sense of humor and that's pretty much my number one desired trait for anyone I spend time with. Plus H. is younger than me and I could do with an older guy for once.
That's where B. comes into play. B. is a total grown-up and I've never been out with an actual grown-up - I mean someone that has a full-time job, has his own apartment and is 4 years older than me. I like the guy already. He also threw in there that he went to an Ivy League school. We're going out for after-work drinks on Thursday, which makes me feel so very sophisticated.
Just to make it clear, dating multiple people at once does NOT mean I'm going to sleep with multiple people at once. I'm just exploring my options at the moment and I think I'm perfectly entitled to do so. Have you done this kind of juggling act before? How did it go for you?
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Juggled with about three guys, yes. But never actually went out with them, it was just limited to texting and talking on the phone.
You have every right to explore your options. I mean like you said its not like your sleeping with all of them. Just remember if you get close with any of them, try to cut the others off. Its just not fair for the guy putting all his time and effort into you when there's others on the side, you know?
Good luck and I hope you find what your looking for =]
I'm doing that right now, and it's actually going pretty well. :)
It's a great way to keep your options open in my opinion. And I agree with what Britt said...if you end up getting close with one, then the others need to be cut off so no one gets their feelings hurt.
Huh.
i can juggle 4 ballz @wunse without much trubul but with 5 or 6 it startz gettin sketchy
i think what you're doing is great. why should you have to settle for one person when you have ever right to look around and find someone that completely wins you over? i like how you added that you wont be sleeping with multiple people. dating and texting and talking is fine. but i guess when it comes to the sex, it all goes down hill.
: ) good luck!
All will be good ~
but you SHOULD sleep with multiple people at once.
I've never tried to juggle more than 2. It makes me feel sketchy.
@AnonymousBlonde@xanga - agreed
I don't think there is anything wrong with what you're doing. You're just looking at more fish at once. Nothing wrong with that. Best of luck to you!
I juggled with 4 at one point, but as soon as I made my decision, I made it clear to the other three; and told them I was just interested in being friends, but if they wanted something more then I was not for them. One did stay in touch with me...so I guess there's nothing wrong with juggling more guys, especially if they all know the presence of the others...I mean, guys date around too, I don't see a problem with that.
Nothing wrong with this that I can see. As long as the guy doesn't have some kind of notion that you are serious and exclusive. But in that case he would probably be a little nuts for getting that idea from a couple of dates. And I agree with whoever said that sex would be the part where things get complicated, because a lot of times, people have strong emotions to go with sex, even if they don't want to.
I'm currently going through the EXACT same thing and thoughts about dating more than one man at time.
Date multiple men, younger, older, thinner, girthier, men prettier than you, less attractive than yourself, Do not sleep with any of them.
I still think people are entirely too casual about being intinimate. It cheapens the whole experince when you do finally meet someone special.
on the other hand.. having ONE person who is meeting your short term needs is fine. As long as you're not casually dating him. Booty is booty. one of you phone each other, he comes over, does his duty and leaves.. no casual hanging out.
I tried it once... dated a guy my age and a guy five years older. Polar opposites. I've never done it again because it's just not my thing. I stick with one guy at a time now in terms of dating, though I would be casually "talking" to several guys at once.
Hmm... I juggled before in the past - but then ended up dropping all and looking like a fumbling idiot in the process.
Yet I'm about to do it again. But hey, like you said, if it's not sleeping around, it's just dating, go for it!
@CutestGazelle - "I still think people are entirely too casual about being intimate. It cheapens the whole experince when you do finally meet someone special."--My cynical ideology as well!
Remember the saying: he who chases two hares catches neither.
How would I interpret what you're doing? You are being smart in choosing your options; however you are dancing on real thin ice.
Should one or the other wisen up to what you are doing, you risk on losing both. Should the two confront each other, what will happen to your credibility if they choose to team up on you? In addition, if you really like two people and both crush on you, what will you do? Plus, if word gets out to what you're doing to society (probably from said guy-friend you didn't date), you'll be untrusted to have a real relationship with anybody else. Don't think you'll be two-cent slick either, shit has a way of getting out.
I have no right to think what you're doing is wrong because it's really not. Hell, keeping two friends and deciding which one is worthy is a good idea, and you are smart in not throwing everything out there as sex would really complicate things. BUT, know that you may end up in a more confusing situation down the line when you really fall for both or more.
Never done that before. I usually feel guilty talking to another guy while I'm already talking to this guy.. and we weren't even official yet!
I was planning on juggling for a little while because I'm in school and I didn't want a long distance relationship, but I accidentally found my boyfriend. He's just too perfect, totally sexy, and we have the same sense of humour so how could I resist? So much for that plan...
As long as they know you're not in a relationship with them, you're entitled to do so. If you're texting one guy constantly and routinely dating 2 other guys, I'm almost positive they have the unfortunate idea they're in a relationship with you and you really don't have the right to lead people on.
I don't juggle "dates" like that for that reason.
It's all right I guess, as long as you don't end up developing feelings for both of them (and they both like you in return) and end up breaking one of their hearts when things get too far.
But yeah, you just want to see who appeals to you more. That's fine. Just don't tell them, I guess.
This reminds me of one of Charlotte's experiences on "Sex and the City". She's never asked a guy out before, and ends up double booking with 2 different guys on the same day...
Needless to say, one of them caught her with the other one, both got angry, and left in a cab together.
Without her.
...Seemed kind of funny to me.
Long as you don't double book, you're golden!
So long as nobody gets serious about anyone, it's all good. I've never done it before, I don't think I ever could. Not like I'd particularly be the type to want to, either.
i've never done that. I don't think it's right for me? But maybe it's because i'm looking for a relationship, not to just go on dates and all
Hey, by my book, you're doing everything the clean and classy way. AND you're having fun without boys messin' with you. I like your style!
I am just divorced at 50. Before I always dated just one guy at a time, and it seemed as if I was never really single. Part of being single is dating around and seeing who and what is out there...right..But right now I have 3 guys interested and like you I want to explore my options. I do think the guys all have the right to know that you are dating others. Two of the ones that are pursuing me do, with the other I have not had the oportunity to bring it up yet. I am still very nervous about the whole thing I certainbly don't want to hurt anyone. But I am looking for that "one guy" I know is out there and any of these 3 may be him and I owe myself the oportunity to "choose" between them. The sex thing really has me worried though, for sure. And I definetly am not going to sleep with all three. BUT like was ask before what if you fall for more than one..that is tricky..I wish you luck and to all others who commented and are doing the same. And we will see how this whole thing works out for each of us.