Wednesday, 29 April 2009

  • Sound Off On Virginity

    It seems like everyone's having sex nowadays, and they're starting at younger and younger ages.  I find it hard to believe that 13-year-olds are doing it, but some are!

    I'm almost 20 years old, and I'm still a virgin.  Some of the most unlikely people in my life have been having sex for years, and lost it way before I did.  It feels like the media is pressuring the youth of the world to lose it, and I'll admit I feel like a late-bloomer in all of this.  However, I'm proud that I still have my V-card, and hopefully I'll meet a girl someday who appreciates the fact that I waited for her.  Regardless, I'm still unable to decide whether or not I will have premarital sex or not.  I know that I'll like it, but the concept of virginity being that special gift that you can only give once sometimes makes me feel like waiting, because I know my future wife will have been worth it.  But how can one resist when sex just feels so good?

    I seem to have difficulty finding others in my position, at least among my real-life friends where the topic is a bit personal and embarrassing, so this is why I ask here.  What age did you lose your virginity?  By what age do you think that people SHOULD have lost their virginity?  Should virginity be treated differently for guys and girls?  And does society care anymore about those who choose to wait until marriage for sex?

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Comments (260)

  • MagisterTom@xanga

    Waiting is the right thing to do. It's not easy, but [hopefully] neither are you. Save it as a gift to your future wife.

    "At what age did you lose your virginity?" - I haven't yet, saving it for my wife.

    If all of your friends have lost their virginity, which seems unlikely, then you are probably hanging with the wrong crowd.
  • eternal_relevance@xanga

    I considered unsubscribing to datingish for the very reason that it just made me feel as if there was something 'wrong' about being a virgin.
    Specifically posts like this.

    THANK YOU, for posting.
    - I don't judge others if they decide to have premarital sex; but I'm tired of being judged because I want to wait.
    -------------------
    The truth is that you will NEVER forget who you lost your virginity to and that experience as a whole. (That's something that I personally don't want to be anyone else but my husband)
  • tammie_cecilia@xanga

    I never regarded virginity as anything that special. I lost mine at the age of 17 (I'm 20 now) to a friend because I had fallen out of my religion (I USED to be a Christian) and just wanted to get it over with already. Granted, I didn't enjoy it, and it took me some time to afterwards. Yet, I feel that kids should wait to have sex, just because the younger they are, the less likely they are to know about the use of contraceptives and how to apply them, such as what has happened in cases where more thirteen year old girls are becoming pregnant. Also, society today doesn't really encourage having sex after marriage anymore, and it is definitely not as taboo as it used to be in the decades before the 90's. If anything, society today tries to promote more sex education as well as staying safe upon commencing into the act.

    But hey, kudos to you for waiting! It's always the generalization that guys lose their virginity at ages way younger than the average girl may lose hers. Way to rebel against conformity.

  • eowynnabeeowyn@xanga

    I'm 23 and still a virgin, and I feel like a total freak.


    Not saying I regret it, because I do plan on saving myself for marraige, but I feel like there is very little respect today for people who make that choice.  I also feel like males get harassed WAY more for being virgins, but even girls are getting made fun of nowadays, neither of which is cool.


    I think there is no specific age by which you SHOULD lose it.  True, sex is a natural part of life, but I also think it bears a hell of a lot of responsibility, and you are not any less of a human being if you don't ever have it.
  • XactiLucius@xanga

    I'm still a virgin and i'm almost 21. It has destroyed a few of my relationships, but if they aren't willing to wait then they aren't worth being with. Actually quite a few of my friends are, so I don't really have to feel the pressure. And it also helps me to think more logically about things because I don't have it on my mind. Which is the biggest reason I think that teens should wait. Theyir brains are still developing at that point and they need to focus on their education more, and sex distracts from it.
  • Made2sing4Jesus@xanga
    Well done! :)

    I am Proud of you, your wife & you will be very Happy with your Stand.

  • Made2sing4Jesus@xanga

    btw it wasn't easy but I was19 with my hubby.
  • antimony_demon@xanga

    I lost my virginity at 16, but I'd been dating Ben since I was 14 and we are and have been extremely compatible with each other from the very day we met (about a year before we started dating). I'm going to be 18 in less than two weeks and am currently a college freshman. We're still very much in love and planning to get married once we're graduate from college (together, I might add.) I'm pretty sure he'll be proposing within the next year.

    I'm a rare type though. Most of my high school girl friends lost their virginities to guys they knew they'd break up with when college rolled around. I knew that me and Ben would spend, if not our whole lives, a damn long time together.

    So technically, I waited for the right guy. He just happened to come along really really early in my life. :D

    Age isn't the biggest factor here. Yes, 12 year olds should not be having sex (most 12 year olds would die if they ever became pregnant because their bodies cannot physically handle it.) Yes, 14 year olds should not be losing their virginities to some idiot she has an eensy little crush on. But if you're mature both mentally and physically and in love enough for a serious long-term relationship and definitely considering marriage (as in the commitment to spend the rest of your lives together), I'd say go for it.
  • msarianne@xanga

    oh i love posts like these. first time seeing one like it on datingish. but what you're doing is admirable - the self-control and loyalty you have. i'm 17 years old, and i'm a virgin.

    i talk to girls my age and guys too and they are amazed that i am. but then again, i haven't even had my first kiss yet. and SOME part of me would love to get my first kiss over with, but i think, like someone said above, you're always going to remember who your first kiss was, and i've waited this long - i might as well make it worthwhile.

    like. i view my virginity the way you do. i see it as a special gift. and who better to give it to, than my husband - the man i'm going to spend the rest of my life with? my virginity is sacred, just like my body, and therefore should be treated with respect and love. NOT that i'm saying that we can't experience love outside of marriage, but at least i know it should be true when i'm married to this guy.

  • sarahzthoughts@xanga

    I think you would be surprised at how many people, including some you know, are still virgins but are just ashamed to admit it. There are some people I know who strike me as being nothing but talk. It is very possible that, in this day in age where virginity is like a scarlett letter, young people make up stories about sex they haven't had just to seem "cool."


    But that doesn't erase the fact that young people ARE having sex, and that is a shame. The teen years in particular are meant to be spent care-free, discovering who you are and finding your place in the world. There is no reason for anyone to have to go through that while at the same time worrying if they're pregnant, if they have an STD, if their SO is really in love with them and faithful, etc. Those reasons, among religious ones, are why I am waiting. College is hard enough; I don't need the stress that can come with sex on top of everything else.


    And as a guy, I can 99% guarantee you that you will attract so many wonderful girls who are also waiting, but don't like to admit it because it scares many guys away. Honestly, I think guys who want to wait are so much more sexy than guys who brag about their "conquests." Maybe some girls are into that, but girls who value their bodies and their futures, who don't want to sacrifice their "V-cards" simply because it feels good and to "get it overwith" will be drawn to you, and those are the girls that make great wife material

  • dreadfully__yours@xanga

    I'm still a virgin, and I think you should lose it by age 30. :P it shouldn't be different for girls and guys. and society really doesn't place virginity on such a high pedastool anymore.
  • Cycl0p5@xanga

    I believe virginity is something special.  I both do and don't regret losing my own.  The woman I lost my virginity to...I did not love.  I was 20, and I let myself get caught in the moment.  I tried to turn around...the relationship didn't work, and I felt guilt, mainly due to religious beliefs.

    Six months later, I met my first love.  We both intended to hold off sex until marriage, but we didn't.  She was a virgin when I met her.  She was pregnant six months into our relationship.  Again, we both felt shame, this time both from religious beliefs and from (well, mainly her) family.  (Mine was supporting, but hers, being ultra-Christian, saw me as the devil...that's not to say I was right, but it certainly didn't make things easier.)

    Today, I regret that I am not a virgin, as I cannot save that for my future wife.  I don't specifically regret sex with my first love, though.  I regret the pain that came from it, and I regret that it didn't happen in the confines of marriage (although, at times, I wonder if things would've happened exactly the same had I married her first).

    In short, to those of you who are virgins, keep it up.  I do believe it's worth the wait.
  • ladylana@xanga

    You should never feel pressured by others or society to lose your viriginity.  Actually, I know quite a few friends around my age (I'm 23), including my boyfriend, who are virgins. Yes, my boyfriend.  I fully respect his choice, and it allows us to focus on other things in the relationship. I don't have to worry about things like pregnancy, frequency/duration of having sex, and birth control.

    What type of person are you? Some people see sex as a recreational activity, while others see it as special and sacred (you seem to be this category). You need to be strong to stand up against society in honouring your values and what you feel is right for you.  If you choose to retain your viriginity, make sure you find the right girl that can handle your decision.
  • redphoenix23@xanga

    I'm 22 and also a virgin, which makes me feel out of place with some of my friends who are not virgins. Like they only talk about sex and relationships among themselves, even though I would say I am experienced enough in relationships to be involved. When they get into the naughty details, they don't share it with me since they don't think I know (its not like I am naive or anything)

    Most of them find it surprising ( since they have lost it by now) or they consider it an achievement (it is rare nowadays), though I don't think there is a certain age by which you have to lose it...because I don't plan on having sex unless I can deal with the consequences of those actions (i.e. getting pregnant); plus, I would like to be at least financially and mentally stable (stressed right now) before even considering having sex.
  • thespanishdoll@xanga

    there's no guy worth saving it for


    just do it
  • anonymous
    save it, you're a rare breed. Your future wife will appreciate you for waiting, but don't marry a hoe for she will not treasure what you have is a special gift.

    I lost mine was I was 24 with my current bf who I truly love. So, if you must know, wait for "the one" and the moment you're completely sure she's worth the gift, don't go waste it over a one-nighty or under alcohol influence. Also, it's extremely best to have sex when you're grown up and can take responsibilities for any mishaps, ie, pregnancy. Don't use it for pleasure, use it to express love, otherwise, you'll end up just like one of those man whores.

    Don't forget to practice safe sex to avoid all the unwanted diseases and pregnancies.
  • pillowpixies@xanga

    I don't think there's a certain age that people should lose their virginity by, though I do believe there are certain ages (IE: 13) at which people shouldn't be having sex. Your virginity is yours, it's your business; you shouldn't feel weird because you haven't gone out and got with every female on the face of the Earth. Figuratively. It's your business, do things the way you want to. 
  • RazorBladeParade@xanga

    I think the concept of virginity being a gift is kind of funny.

    "Here, have this incredibly awkward short lived first experience with me!"

    I don't personally see the big deal about either course of action; waiting or not, it's your own body. The only way either option can be "right" or "wrong" depends on you. But virgins don't earn any brownie points with me, just like experienced individuals don't impress me. I don't think anyone has the right to tell someone when they should have sex, society or otherwise.

  • wolvenchic@xanga

    so with that regard, do you think that if you save your v-card, that you could marry someone who hadnt saved thiers for you?
  • ashleyannaka@xanga

    I still have my v-card, and I plan on keeping it until I marry.


    I do not think there is an age where anyone SHOULD have lost their virginity by. It's your choice. However, I find it way more special to wait. I do think 13 is way too early to be losing it though.

  • Miss_JSN@xanga

    i personally thing that virginity isnt as important as it used to be... but my personal opinion is, unless your in love its not worth it.
    i lost my virginity last year, i was/am 17.
    i lost it to my boyfriend, who i was/am still in love with.
    i was his first and he was mine.
    i never thought about waiting till marriage but i think if you really fall in love with someone than go for it
    but i dont see anything wrong with waiting till your married.
    and it will be special.
    your first time if its with ur husband or someone your in love with will be special. you'll never forget it..

    there isnt an age you can put on it. its just based on opinion.
    like i believe a 12-14,15 year old shouldnt be having it. i think you should wait till you at least mature enough to know what can and might happen.
  • Loniii@xanga

    @eternal_relevance@xanga - agreed. i was getting sick of reading posts by others where they talk about sex like its a common every other day happening.

    anyways, i'm almost 21 and still have my v-card. hopefully, i'll give it away when i'm married to my husband.
  • sophia@xanga

    i'm a (born-again) never been kissed 18 year old . it's alright.
  • FOXHOUND_HQ@xanga

    I'm 19 and a virgin by choice. I've had opportunities to lose it before, but I opted out. Virginity should be treated as something special for both sexes and saved for marriage. I'm saving for my wife. I've also never been kissed.

    Next related topic: What's everyone's opinion on "abstinence" gimmicks? (symbols of abstinence- rings, chains, shirts, etc.) I find most if not all of them cheezy and somewhat laughable. I can be abstinent without them.
  • proudsmartypants@xanga

    I had planned to wait until I was in a committed relationship for a long time [[ie 1-2 years]] before considering having sex. Now that I'm in a committed, albeit idealistic, relationship of about 4 months...the whole 1-2 years thing doesn't appeal to me anymore. That being said, I still want to wait until we're at least both "legal" aka 18. Which would give our relationship a length of 1.5 years by then. And by then, since I'm graduating in 20 some days, I want to be sure that my first is someone I could be with for a very long time and maybe forever [[as idealistic as that sounds for a 17 year-old]]. By next summer, we will have a good idea if we can handle a long distance relationship and other such considerations. 


    I am clearly not a fan of doing the first guy that tells me he loves me. And it'll stay that way.

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