Tuesday, 28 April 2009
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Helping Younger Siblings Through Breakups
Through bleary eyes a faint light flashes. It buzzes softly in rhythm with the glow. Who on Earth would be calling at this time of night? I only hit the sack an hour or so ago, just long enough to fall into a mild depth of unconsciousness. I roll half over and stretch a weary arm across the bed and turn the phone to face me. My sister's number flashes up; surely she hasn't forgotten the time difference; something must be wrong.She speaks timidly down the line, apologizing for waking me, tries to make small talk about my day but it is not the time for small talk; I did not half wake up for a random friendly chat. Without prompting I deflect her questions and ask what is wrong. She lets out a low whimper and breaks into a muffled sob, then tells me that she's going to break up with her boyfriend today.
I'm jolted into a greater state of alert; to be honest, it's not as serious a thing as I feared before answering but it's pretty big for her. She's had boyfriends before but nothing really serious; a couple of jerks and immature idiots. This one was a good kid; treated her well. She’s been with this guy for nearly two years; they’ve been to Paris together, spent a month on my sofa bed in London and taken regular trips to the Australian countryside south of their hometown. He was her first love and everyone knows that that's the one that hurts the most.
My heart breaks for her as she cries about how the relationship has gone stale and just doesn't feel right anymore. The honeymoon period lasts so long with first loves but after a while, it often does burn itself out. She explains how they seem to be drifting apart and that it's such an effort to keep the relationship going. I try to comfort her, though I know there's not much I can say; she just needs someone to talk to, so I just listen.
It always amuses me a little that my sister comes to me with these sorts of things, especially when our brother is currently staying with her and our mother in Australia. He was always the real ladies' man of the family; I was the one who was friendly with lots of girls but didn't really "get around" like my brother. Now, somehow, the brother who quietly claims expertise on women and dating has fallen by the wayside when it comes to relationship advice.
When I speak to my sister about her relationship, I see a lot of parallels with a similar relationship I had at her age, which ended after around this length of time as well. The poor kid, I know remember just how much pain she's in and just how bad it's going to hurt letting go. I try not to make it all about my past but offer her some helpful pointers that might make things easier, things that I am certain would have made it easier if they had been done during my teenage breakup so long ago.
She's still sobbing but seems to be calming down. It's past 3 a.m. on a Saturday night and twenty-six minutes of overseas minutes have just doubled, tripled or done worse to my monthly phone bill. I tell her to go get some toast and clean herself up; she's got a tough day ahead of her and she's going to feel even less like eating later. I give her all the brotherly love I can through the phone line, but it's horrible not being able to give her the big comforting cuddle I would if I was there. Poor kid...but she's got a good head on her shoulders and she'll be just fine, given time.
Have you ever had to help a younger sibling in this situation? What break up advice would you give?
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About the Author
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- From: MelancholyRambler@xanga
- About Me: I like semi-colons and proper spelling and grammar. I like reading mundane blogs with no agenda. I like to go down the pub, even if I'm on my own, and make friends with the bar staff over a scotch on ice. More often than not, there is someone I know there I can hang out with. I don't like people who incessantly go on about their weight or only talk about their supposed problems with drugs or alcohol and my pet peeve: the tragic love lives of the "lonely". Okay so all these things are very sad but it's all I ever seem to hear about. Aren't you people bored of talking about the same stuff all the time?
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Comments (23)
I don't have a younger sibling, but my older brother helped me through my first and only breakup so far.
I felt better after he painted a picture of beating him up in my head haahahaha, but then kindof sad that it made me happy... that I was willing to witness that even though my brother was only joking around. He told me that first loves are the greatest, yet the worst especially if you break up on bad terms. Sure, he wasn't the one for me, though we spent a great two years together, but there's someone else out there for me. I won't meet him tomorrow, or the day after, and I won't meet him like they do in the movies, but I will meet him someday.
Big bro is great :P
That's extremely sweet. I love hearing about brother-sister relationships, even though that doesn't sound quite so nice in this context. Good luck to your sister!
Haha, my sister and I never talk about relationships, unless her commenting on how many guys aren't good enough for me counts. Ah, how motherly she has become...<3.
Thats so cute ! My brother didn't come to me after his breakup, but I went to him after mine (he's only a year younger) and he helped me as best he could. I love my siblings. I hope my little sister comes to me when she goes through this. (of course, hopefully she won't)
it is sweet.
aww that's sweet. my younger sister broke up with her bf recently and then promptly left the country for spring break, and once back, got back together with him. i helped him more than i was able to help her! though she was the one who dumped him. i liked him though so i felt bad for both of them
That's so sweet. Sometimes I wish I had an older brother.
But yeah, my sister doesn't even tell me who she likes, let alone if she has a boyfriend. But if she did tell me about her love trouble, I think I'd be patient and be there for her.
I'm the younger sibling and I wish I had an older sibling like you!
I really like this post, well written and also love it cos u're from Aus
Good luck to ur sister and 'keep a smile on ur dile'!
My older siblings have never helped me out with this. My younger siblings haven't experienced this yet.
its an unspoken rule for me and my brother.. we don't talk about relationships and we dont rattle each other out to our parents~
i guess it would be sweet but totally not me and my brother, if i told him this and that about my bf he would either say 'thats great, now go away' or 'i dont care' but i know deep down he does care but just doesn't want to hear about it. :)
What a good brother you are :) I'm actually a younger sibling, so I don't get to help anyone with relationship advice and the like. My older brother and I don't talk about that kind of stuff, either. It would be too awkward when all he talks to me about is computers and video games. I'd rather go to my mom.
sorry i only accepted your friend request now lol i havent been on xanga for years
your xanga is so cute :)
aww... that's so sweet. You're a great brother =)
My sisters talk to me about relationships, but one is always interested in bad guys so I'm always campaigning for her to break up with whatever current moron she's with...
i'm the youngest siblings, and I'm use to handling things by myself. If I go to anyone, it'd be to 2 of my friends. that's it.
That's sweet =)
My big brother and I talk about our relationships with each other. I was there for him when his relationships dissolved, and he was there when my boyfriend and I broke up. He never liked my boyfriend though, so he was happy about the news, but he *tried* to be sympathetic. Now my boyfriend and I are trying to get back together and my brother is helping me hide the news from my mom until we're stable again...
I guess all in all I have a good brother even though we annoy the hell out of each other sometimes :p
Aw, you're such a good sibling! My little brother has never come to me for advice per say, but I might've given it to him anyways :P
My kid sister broke up with her guy which I wasn't a big fan of, really. He's controlling, mistreated her, manipulate her into doing things that she don't want to do, etc, so I was all the more happy when she asked me if she should break up with him. I was thrill but I also gave her the best advices I can as an older sister.
I was never that close with my brothers so I'm glad you have a great bond with your sister.
Don't really go to my siblings for relationship advice.
I have one younger sibling and he has never come to me for relationship advice. He usually goes to his friends. He probably thinks it would be weird to talk to me about it. Hopefully that will change in the future.
I'm not sure what I would tell him. It would have to depend on the circumstances.
It's nice that you're so close with your sister. -=] I wish I had an older brother that I could run to for advice and a hug.
Aw :3 . That's sweet ~ .
With those type of moments, I wish I had a older brother/sister, but sadly, I'm the oldest.
I can relate to this for sure.
I've never gone to any one of my older brothers or my one older sister for relationship advice or comfort after a break up. They were not ideal role models to mimic or to go to for advice on relationships.
My older brother of just two years above me has never had girlfriends before--ever--so it didn't make much sense to go to him to ask for advice or to pour my heart out after a breakup. My other older brother was far too old (I'm talking 20+ years older than me) and his way of thinking in terms of love and relationships are ancient and old-fashioned so I didn't felt that he would be able to give me any useful advice that would apply to girls nowadays. Plus, he is a "tough love" kind of guy. He'd probably tell me to suck it up and move on after a breakup. Not the kind of advice or comments that I would like to hear from my own blood.
My sister married the first guy she fell in love with. Hardly a role model to follow after since she's only been with that one guy ever since. That's not enough experience to make any claims about relationships, in my personal opinion. Plus, she is like my other older brother--a tough love kind of sister. So, at the end of the day, I never gone to any one of my elder siblings for advice or comfort regarding relationships or breakups because I know what I was going to hear.
On a different note...
I think your sister is very fortunate to have a brother like you. That's really the most brotherly thing you can possibly do over the phone. I commend you for that.
My older brother does come to me for relationship which is ironic since he seems to know more about love than I do. But we help one another when we can. I had to comfort him multiple times when he came home drunk and completely bummed about something stupid his girlfriend did. I like the whole brotherly and sisterly love you have with your sister. I think it's always nice to have a certain bond with them.