Monday, 27 April 2009
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I'm Tired of Being a Wheel
So, I continually find myself being alone. I hang out with my friends, and I'm alone...they all have their partners there with them...or even talking about their partners. Me? I haven't had a boyfriend in 4 years. Seriously.
I thought things would get a little better when my friend broke up with her boyfriend...but then she practically has another one. Whether they have a title or not, they definitely are boyfriend and girlfriend, from the image they portray to outsiders. Not paying for their own meals, sharing tickets, sitting on the same side, holding hands, blah blah blah. I told her to be single for awhile since she hasn't been single since high school...but she doesn't listen to me.
Okay, she has, by not saying he's her boyfriend. But, as I said before, they are, just without a title.And all my friends either have a boyfriend or a husband...my friend lives with his boyfriend and they've been living together for a while. They go on vacations and everything. They are truly a couple and they are truly happy. And I'm happy for them...even when I hate them for the very same reason.
They used to not really invite me to come camping with them or to Six Flags and such. But I'm glad now they didn't because hanging out with all of them makes me feel shitty for not ever having anyone. I always have a probability of someone...but never someone...and so no one to come hold my hand and cuddle with me when I hang out with my friends who are kissy and cuddly with their boyfriends. And even though I'm glad they're happy, I hate it when they are...especially when I'm not.
I don't know, I feel like I'm a bad friend for not liking the fact they're happy. And it's not that I'm still stuck on my ex, either...I've finally gotten over him, to the point where I know I can move on. I've talked to three people: one went back out with his ex, twice, the other said he doesn't want a relationship right now, I'm guessing the last girl hurt him badly, and the third one is being shady as hell and is never available. So now I'm back at square one.
If I was just like her I would have someone by now.
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- From: PoetMcChick@xanga
- About Me: I work a lot, but that's all right. I like to write. I love the rain and fluffy soft things. Sex is my passion. I currently have 7 piercings (industrial, cartilige, 2 in each lobe, and my tongue) I let my nose close. I have 5 tattoos.
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Comments (42)
i know how it feels when all your friends are together and you're the only one alone. you'll find someone though. some of us are just "blessed" with long periods of single-ness. but what is meant to be will be.
:/ That sucks. I don't know what to say, but perhaps you can find some new friends or join something ... that way you can take your mind off of everything that's happening.
Don't worry. Good things happen when you least expect them to! :)
That really sucks. My advice would be being brave and going up to guys you are attracted to or asking one of your friends to set you up with someone.
Hope you find someone soon!
Yeah, I know how you feel. I've been in your place. It sucks, and I'm sorry. My tip is to find things to do that are just for you, that make you feel good. For me, it sucks when I'm the only single one and I have nothing better to do than just go out with my taken friends. I think if I had more to do, and activities that were just mine being the wheel or being single wouldn't have mattered as much. There's less focus on it when I'm focused on other things. What do you think?
While the situation seems like utter tosh right now - maybe it's worth the wait. While your friends are going through an alarming string of relationships, maybe a little waiting on your part will help you meet the right person.
You mentioned that you didn't have a boyfriend in four years - and also that you used to tag along with your taken friends and stopped eventually cos you felt left out.
That kind of gives me the impression that you're social life becomes nothing when you're not with these friends - in which case, you should find a hobby. Take a cooking class or go on some mountain climbing extraordinaire adventure - or at least pursue your interests. And while it would make you feel happy and involved, you could also find a potential SO along the way.
Also, don't limit yourself to anyone. Ditch all of those three guys you briefly mentioned. There's a world of people out there, and at least one of them is bound to be meant for you. (:
Well, as long as you know that pitying yourself is not going to make things better, nor is it going to get you a boyfriend.
I've never had a real boyfriend. My first love--whom I never even had the chance to date--broke my heart and instead of choosing me, chose to go back to his ex. I was angry, hurt, and sometimes wondered if there was something wrong with me. Most of my girlfriends are single as well, but that didn't make me feel any less alone.
But it's all a waste of time. There are other things to think about and better things to do than to whine and get all mopey and feel jealous.
I'm you. The only way I can deal is to keep to myself mostly. And I've tried the photography classes, graphics design courses, school--any way to meet men, I've tried. Just stay to yourself. It hurts less that way.
I've never honestly understood people who have issues with this. They usually have the same opinions as you do, therefore they're miserable. The thing is; you can't expect all of your friends to stay single just so you guys can all be single and hang out together. Your friends want to have boyfriends, good for them. That's life.
The only issue I can think of is if they go off and do stuff with each other, totally leaving you behind. That says more about them as individuals than anything else. If you don't want to hang out with both of them, why don't you just invite your friend to go somewhere? If she refuses to go anywhere else without her man, ask another who's more open to that.
If none of them are up to that, you'll have to either stop hanging out with them, find ways to get around the issues, or just find someone to be in a relationship with.
Alone and lonely is never a great thing.
What have you done to increase your visibility so others whom you might date may see you?
Doing things for others can make you feel good about yourself. Volunteer at a shelter or food kitchen or at a place which interests you. Volunteer in a hospital, etc etc..
Good luck... I know it can be tough, but look outside of yourself toward helping others and you will soon feel better. YOu cannot depend on your friends to make you happy or less alone . You must take the bull by the horns and do something yourself.
Have you ever thought of being on the crew for a play or musical??? Great way to get to know other people. Or go to a singles group at a local church.
Whatever it is, ppl you are interested in dating won't knock on your door until you put yourself out into circulation.
Go for it! you can do it.
speaking from experience!
Christy
a great way to meet people is at meetup.com. even if you don't find a boyfriend, you will make new friends with a similar interest, and maybe some of the will be in the same position you are.
Enjoy your time being single. You have so much more freedom being single. Yes it gets depressing watching all these couples surrounding you...but at the same time some of them may be screaming for help to get out of the relationship. Count yourself blessed being single. Get over the jealousy...and have fun.
Trust me...the next guy you date will definitely be worth waiting for. Don't settle for what's convenient. You will be very disappointed.
I've been in your position before. There was once a time, when all the girls in my circle of friends were taken. At school, they'd all brag about how their boyfriend did something nice for them or how they'd recently gone on an "amazing" date. I'd sit there and listen, not really have anything to contribute except for "how cute" or "you're so lucky."
Things were like that for a while. I'd be jealous and I'd hide it by "focusing on my studies". I'd tell people "I'm not interested in relationships, I just wanna graduate first" but really, inside, I was looking for somebody to love and love me in return.
By some weird sequence of events, the tables have turned and now I'm the only one in my circle of friends who is in a serious long-term relationship. All my friends have either broken up with their boyfriends or have been dumped by their boyfriends of previous months/years. My friends who develop attractions for guys we know end up getting rejected. And they all ask me how on Earth I turned out to be one in a lasting relationship.
Trust me, waiting works. For now, just find yourself a hobby to keep yourself occupied. Sooner or later, you'll end up being happier than ever!
Hi! I haven't had a boyfriend yet period! I'm 20. (Lame I know...ha)
I feel ya.
I've been single for three months and it sucks being the 3rd, 5th and whatever-th wheel that I happen to be when I'm out with my coupled up friends. Two of my closest friends just got engaged, I'm turning late 20s this May and it's far along depressing as shit. So I can imagine how yucky this whole thing is... It's not that you're stuck on your ex, but you miss having friends who aren't feeding their sig. other their dessert or are only leaning over to see you over their sig other while holding hands under the table. You're happy for their happiness but sometimes wish they can just STOP for a day so everyone can just be THEMSELVES and SINGULAR.
But do you WANT a relationship so you can blend with the couples or are you genuinely feeling like it's time you go back to the relationship circle? And are you feeling lonely? If that's what's motivating you, you won't be happy even in a relationship. Hang in there... Make new friends, thats my best advice. :)
I think you should have other hobbies and activities, so u'll meet other people and maybe even a bf! And start being mor optimistic! And confident... If u're all negative n' complain bout ur situation boys will stay away from u... (I'm more or less like u, so this is what I tell to myself)
Good luck
@greatredwoman@xanga - awww I love ur sincere response, it'll help me too, u're so right
I know how you feel hun. I am ALWAYS the freakin wheel. Haven't dated in years...there are many times whne I wonder what is wrong with me... I have a lot of friends--mostly guys...and for many of these friends, I am just one of the guys...I do have a guy interested in me now, but the irony is that I'm not attracted to him at all... The guy I was hoping to be with is wanting to be with some other girl--and I really hope they can work out together! I think most of my problem is not being available. I mean, there available as in single, but I'm not available in the fact that my schedule is crazy hectic. I don't see my friends very often and I really don't have time to commit to a "relationship" at the moment. Somedays are rougher than others, but for the most part, I'm okay. The worst times are V-day, other holidays, and when I'm out w/my friends who are all overs their SOs...I mean, I'm happy for them, but I'm jealous too...
So yeah, I know how you feel.
**hugs**
A person who is happy with themself makes others happy around them. When you are happy it works like a magnet and more people are attracted to you. Use this time to find out who you are and what you want, Maybe it's your freinds holding you back. As everyone else said try on a few new thing's, If you live near water try sailing or water skiing if you don't already know how or you might try skydiving (Yike's that sounds scary but trust me it's a total blast) or diving in water (Not so far to fall). But anything you try make sure you are confidant that's what you want to do and have fun and meet new people at the same time. Good Luck
ive gone through that many times. the worst is everyone has someone after you have a major break up. ugh tough tough times. but i got through it, just like you will. eventually someone does come along, but it only happens when you least expect it. when you expect it, you look too hard and find someone def not worth it. what i did was i broadened my vision to find other friends who did go out without their boyfriends/girlfriends. i mean it was hard dont get me wrong but once you try eventually youll become close to them also. feel like you dont know anyone like that? look into your work atomsphere. take a class. join a gym. there are ways, you just have to find them. at the same time dont ditch your regular friends. it seems your jealous but at the same time guilty you are jealous. trust me, completely been there, i feel you. you try over and over again to be happy for them but you just wana throw them across the room and be like "hello, not everyone is as happy so stop it!" but when you do learn to accept it or find someone that fills that space for you, you will truly be so happy for your friends and if you do anything to hurt their feelings while being jealous, youll really regret it later on. my best of luck to ya. and really, thingswill change, you just watch =)
Haha, man... Have I been there before or what? It is rough. It's hard figuring out how to be happy for people who are taken when you're still single, especially if you're not happy as a single.
*hugs*,
~*Akarui Mitsukai*~
dang. my taken friends always made me feel shitty in unintentional ways when i was single too. like i'd be like, "man it feels good to be single for a while." and they'd be like, "yeah, but... i think relationships are better. "
like ...wtf? it is slightly more important for me to have my own identity, you know.
There are lots of people out there who are in your same place.
it might not be your time. be open, do things you enjoy; enjoy life because its too precious to be wasted on wondering why you are romantically unattached. love yourself because when you do that, more love will be drawn to you and youll get what youve wanted.
@JouaMua@xanga -
Agreed! :)
Sometimes being a third wheel is not your fault but your friends fault for not making you comfortable, usually if they are whispering or kissing a lot or things like that. I am lucky to have some friends who are single and some friends who are married who do not treat me like a third wheel. real friends, married or single also ask my advice and do not assume I am broken because I am not in a relationship myself right now.