Monday, 27 April 2009
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How Do I Get Over The Father of My Child?
To start, I just became a mother at the beginning of this year. I've been single since the father "AK" broke up with me at the end of spring semester last year - next year, it will have been a year ago. At the time, he didn't know I was pregnant - I didn't know either, though. When I told him I was pregnant, he said he didn't believe me. He went back and forth saying he wanted me and then to he didn't want me and was always wondering if our son is his (which I assure you, he is). He did come to see me in the hospital after our son was born, but the first question he asked me was "is he mine?" And I still roll my eyes at this question every time I think about it. Since then, he has "forgotten about me" and kept going with his little girlfriend.
This guy is probably the worst type of guy for me to be with while I have a child, but I can't seem to get him off my mind. Not only does he have a child with me, but he supposedly has another son with a girl he dated before me. He's also been diagnosed with a type of split-personality disorder.
Since we broke up, he has dated a couple other girls. I've been internet stalking him (horrible, I know) and now he's engaged (for the 3rd time this year). "No excuses" he says this time. Her family doesn't like AK, and that's probably a lot of my fault, considering the bride-to-be's sister contacted me wondering what type of guy her little sister was attaching herself to.
What I can't get off my mind is how AK acted while at the hospital with me. He constantly told me he loved me and even tried to kiss me. I didn't know it then, but if I had let him kiss me, I'd have let him cheat on his bride-to-be.
Even when I'm not on the internet, I can't stop thinking about AK. I'm with our son constantly, so it's difficult to erase him from my mind. He has erased me from his, though, and it hurts immensely. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get over him?
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Comments (33)
Buy a doggy!
Time's always the greatest healer. You just have to sit it out, i'm afraid.
But internet stalking will only prolong the process, it's hard to stop checking what there up to, i know but you have to stop to help yourself.
x
oOo, sticky situation. :/
Time.
Time, just put all your focus onto the baby.. and getting child support lol
All that you describe alone would make me get over him. More so, my anger and bitterness towards him would be too much to make me even think good about him.
He's not there for you or your son. He's starting his "new" life with his bride-to-be. He has forgotten both of you. Why waste your time thinking about him when he's not?
NO, CALL HIM UP AND HAVE A HEART TO HEART CONVERSATION. THIS ISNT JUST YOUR CHILD. ITS HIS TOO. IT CAME FROM HIS DAMN SPERMM. HE MADE HTE DECISION TO HAVE INTERCOURSE, HEHSOULDVE KNOWN BOUT THE CONSEQUENCES, CALL HIM UP.
the man sounds like a real chain jerking heart breaking jerk. Get a cat.
Time will show you what a jerk he is, and you'll probably find yourself feeling more bitter than actually missing him. In the meantime, don't contact/talk to him.
Umm, someone needs to tell the future women he latches onto what kind of jerk he truly is.
make sure he pays the child support.
this person isn't healthy..gotta get over it...keep him to his father duties plain in simple. im sure hes about to give this new chick hell on earth.
the more you tail him , the more your going to be thinking about him...and giving yourself reasons to think about him. Usually the best way to get over someone is to cut ties, scince you have one tie that cant be severed, I suggest you cut the losses, and make yourself more productive. Dont let yourself sit and pout, go out with your friends...dont talk with your friends about him...that almost always turns into circles of bashing him, then crying later. Try to focus less on him, but what you need to be doing for yourself and your child. Start getting (if you havent already) child support set up - Peopel will help you- you arent alone. Do not tell yourself that you need him, if that is what your thinking. You did fine without him, im sure, for the majority of your life, and your still breathing now. =)
If you want, I have a few friends who have been through this, Im sure they would be glad to help you figure out what you need to do, rather than to mope. =)
we are conditioned to be trapped by the pain. with time, u will move on.
I agree with (almost) everyone else. Time heals everything - trust me. It's gonna take a lot of wallowing, but forget about the stupid arse and just move on. It's going to be hard that he's the father of your child - and looking at your son may be a reminder of that, but scientifically, your child is his own, unique person.
And that, along with the fact that AK seems to be a prime wanker, should be enough reason for you to pick things up and move on.
For one, stop stalking him. Put all of your attention on your kid. He's got another woman now, they're engaged, I think it's high time you leave him alone. He's obviously over you, he doesn't want you; do YOURSELF a favor and forget him. Make sure that the only relationship the two of you have is through your child; in other words, a friendly acquaintanceship kept up to keep your kid happy. It doesn't need to see its parents fighting, mommy stalking daddy, or daddy going all "I love you" one minute and "You're sickening" the next.
Has he even suggested a DNA test? If he's just saying the baby isn't his, without wanting to find out whether he's right or not, that can say a ton about him. If you never cheated on him, and he's suspicious over that anyway, that also says a lot; whether it's about you or him is beyond me though.
Even if the two of you were in a relationship, it would probably be a toxic one. You could even find yourself a new boyfriend. Honestly, from what you say about this one, he is no winner. Choose your men friends carefully, you have a baby now. Just keep that in mind.
Other than that, just forget about him. Quit thinking about him all of the time, quit stalking him. Live your own life, don't live in the past, live for the future.
I have a friend that's going through a similar situation. Thing is though she lost the baby and can't get over the guy. We both have agreed that there's nothing special about him except for the fact that he'd gotten her pregnant.
I suggest finding a father figure who you're not interested in, someone who can be an "uncle." And go out and meet nice guys.
Best thing to do is STOP communicating or trying to find ways to keep tabs on him. I know it will be hard to stop thinking about him since you have a son with him but try your best to move on. Concentrate on yourself. Adopt a hobby or make positive habits. Whatever you do, don't let yourself have too much free time. Watch romantic comedies or dramas to renew your sense of hope for the future! It might be unrealistic but it'll do wonders on renewing your hope on love. Concentrate on being the best you can be! Also dont be afraid to be open to other great guys out there!
Yeahh, maybe a dog? I love animals, and they comfort me. If not, just spend time with your baby and your family. Time will heal your wounds. I hope things work out for the best!
Everytime you get sad over him, come back online and read your entry and read the comments. Read the comments (which seem to be saying that you should forget the loser) until you sick and tired of feeling sorry for yourself. Read it until you're brainwashed into thinking..no...KNOWING that he's a person you never ever want to be committed to. I know you have a kid with him, but I"m not sure you want the daddy to be the role model for your kid. If you need financial support, demand a DNA test and ask for child support. If your child ever wants to know who the daddy is...let the child make a decision for himself. Don't ever degrade the daddy to the child or he may resent the daddy, you or both or he'll feel like you've put him in the middle.
I had a guy who was just as damaging to me as he was to you but I guess compared to your situation, mine isn't that bad. I hope I had more encouraging words but the thing is to know you can't be with the guy and remember all the negative things you've said about him. Remember it, know it, and learn from it.
Take it one day at a time. This isn't something that is going to happen overnight or even within a couple of months. On a more personal note, personality disorder or not, he doesn't seem like a good fit for you. He may very well have a personality disorder, but either way I can't picture you sitting back and dealing with it because you seem to be looking for something more substantial from him in a relationship and he just does not have the capability to be that type of person for you. However, that is just my opinion.
Wow, your situation sounds like my friend's situation he's in almost to a tee. He asked his ex if that baby was his because she cheated on him multiple times. I'm not sure if you cheated though.
and my friend has another girlfriend besides his ex with the kid on top of trying to date me. i didn't let him date me though because he's got too much baggage.
You should just focus your love and attention on your son and forget about AK.
Think about ur son now! I know it's difficult to forget someone just like that... Focus on ur son n' keep ur mind busy with other things!
good luck :-S
Prob counselling might help...i know its a route that not many might consider perhaps even going to a counsellor or a life coach to help you work out our lives goals.
You will be fine soon! Time heals the best and you will definitely meet the One. Don't let a jerk screw up yr life!