I'm a sophomore in high school who just got out of a relationship.
During the first month of our relationship, we took everything slow. I was her second boyfriend, and I treated her like a delicate flower. I kept reminding myself that if I messed up, I'd break her heart. We had our first kiss on our first month anniversary when we went out to the same place I took her on our first date.
After our second month, I got word from her best friend that she'd been talking to her ex on AIM and the phone. I thought he was out of her life completely, but I was wrong.
I know this was a sneaky thing to do, but I just had to make sure. I logged on AIM and went invisible while I sat in front of my laptop. Seconds later, she logged on, and so did her ex. At 11:30, when I was finally about to give up and talk to her, she logged off and so did the ex..at the same time. I was shocked, but I kept my cool.
She continued talking to the ex after that day; one night they were up till 3 a.m. I finally confronted her and told her how I felt and how deeply hurt I was. At first, she told me that she didn't talk to him at all; then she told me that they were nothing but friends. She begged me to stay. After all the arguing, I decided to take her back because everyone makes mistakes, and she was a sweet girl after all.
After taking her back, I wanted to trust her, but it just wasn't there.
We broke up shortly after because I started liking my ex, Marley, since she actually spent time with me, but I was wrong. I can't sleep at night, and even if I do I wake up at 1 a.m. thinking about what I did. My heart has never pumped this fast in my life, and every time I wake up, I want to cry. I need my girlfriend back; the girl that hurts me but can't live without.
Should I try to get her back despite not trusting her?
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Comments (37)
Don't try and get her back, trust me you've got your whole life to get yourself into complicated situations, don't need to start now.
It doesn't sound like a good situation on either end.
Never get back together with someone unless you sincerely believe you cannot get anyone better than them.
and clearly the first time you talked to her, she lied about it, saying she didn't talk to him. Then she probably realized this was a horrible lie and told you they were only friends.
That would really irritate me, though. The fact that she's doing all this with her ex is bad. Ex's are usually bad, bad news, and it's easiest to cheat with them because of the past you have with them already.
Trust is the backbone of a relationship. If you can't trust each other, there's no point in continuing a relationship built on a faulty foundation. Take it as a learning experience and move on
You should get to the bottom of what's up with her & her ex, before you get back with her. You may be able to trust her again, but I'm not sure you can get with her again, especially if something's going on with her & her ex.
I'd be more worried about how she'd be able to forgive you for dropping her for your ex, which you were worried that she was going to do. So she should be the one to have trust issues if you got back together. And it really seems as if you don't really know her ex. He could be a really good guy. I'm still best friends with my ex, and she's married now. You have to trust sometimes that others are a good judge of character in a person. Almost seems to like you might be one of the unfortunates with the problem of want what you can't have.
Without trust, the relationship won't last long. It's not worth it. With time, you'll move on.
I wish...
I wish I could help you. But I really can't. The same thing happened to me.
You clearly have the need for this girl right now - but as you become more rational about the situation, the need will wear off. Avoid both girls and find someone that shares your ideals on trust. Good luck. (:
Trust is the only thing that keeps relationships going, trusting one another and trusting in the relationship itself. Trust in this situation is extremely crippled, if it is there at all. It is best to just wait and find someone who you can trust and also trust yourself with.
Why would you want to be with someone you can't trust? You say you "need" her... but I think there's some other need that you're trying to fill, and a dysfunctional relationship isn't going to fix this mess.
if you two get back together and you don't trust her, all you'll end up doing is having more fights.
why don't you enjoy the single life for a bit and see where it goes from there?
Never go back to the ex. They are ex's for a reason..
Forget both, and get someone new.
I don't think any of them works for you.
And sorry to be mean, but you're part of a reason why it won't work.
You lack trust, and you're looking back to an ex to feel better as a rebound, while you know the one you want is your recent girlfriend.
Best of lucks, boy.
I'm kindof in the same situation... sortof.
I'd say don't lose all of your hope just yet. Confront her & really find out what's going on between her & her ex... if something's up, then you know that you don't want to get involved.
you sound like mabe u like the idea of having a girl who's talking to her ex- and treating you badly...try ur best to move on...that feeling will go away it's just a trick of the brain. you're too young, you'll have many situations like this. plus you already tried with her and took her back...you'll never be able to trust her and she's a liar. stay way from bad girls.
I feel like a relationship should have a certain amount of trust established; the level at which you stand with your partner depends on how much trust you have in one another. If you're going to have to play this game just to know you're going to be heartbroken at every waking moment, I don't think it's worth it. There must be someone better suited for you, and someone better fitted for her. Maybe if you wait a few years and straighten out these conflicts, the relationship can begin to blossom, again. Otherwise, setting yourself up for a dead-end relationship isn't going to help anyone.
There is a reason your ex is your ex. And now that they're both your 'ex' I think you need to move on with out them. And for goodness sake, please, try not to think about a serious relationship until you're done with HS. So much changes after Graduatuion.
No trust? There's no point in the relationship now. It all starts with communication and trust. It's time to move on.
But, if you are willing to make it work, talk to her.
I've been in a smilar situation. We tried getting back with each other three times, but it didn't work out. Even after a year and a half, I'm still trying to get over it.
only reason why u want her back is because she is a habit thats why u need her in ur life. ur use to her being ur girl and your not ready to give the title up. but its not going to work even if u tried why? because where there is no trust there is no love. simple as that. goodluck with someone ur wasting ur time with. also she probably went back to her ex now depending on how long yall been broken up for.
You hurt her, she hurt you ... if you think it will work out, then go for it. Otherwise ... give up both ex's and start anew with another girl. You're still young.
If she's willing to take you back and you're willing to trust her again, it might work.
I'd say no, not until you can learn to trust her again. Trust can be a HUGE deal-breaker in relationships, as you already know. So, yeah. I know it hurts, but don't try and get back with her just yet. Wait until you're ready to forgive and move on from the past. Until then, the relationship won't ever be really, genuinely good. You know?
Best Wishes,
~*Akarui Mitsukai*~
I think you should try to get her back. I think that she might not have told you about the ex because she didn't want you to think anything of it and maybe she was happy she was able to stay friends with him. I think that if she told you it was nothing but friends, you have no reason to not trust her. she begged you to take her back so clearly she wants you and not the ex and you can always go with over-used quote of if you can't get someone out of your head maybe they're supposed to be there - in which case if you can't stop missing her, get her back. it's clearly what you want. and maybe you guys can talk more in depth about exactly what you don't trust about her etc. etc. and you could both grow from it.
good luck :)
Exes are exes for a reason. The way you are going back and forth you probably don't really love either. It seems like you want what you can't have and so does she. You had her and you wanted your ex. You have your ex and now you want her again. Sometimes we just need to be single so we remember what it is we are really after.
you just said that you didnt trust her, whats the point of getting back with her if you have so much doubt in her.
that doesnt sound like much of an ideal relationship
what is he trying to say.