Miss OstrichWith finals approaching, I've been pulling all-nighters all week and stressing out everyday about the stories I have due, and the readings I have to do in front of dozens of people at the end of the month. Last night, I finished a twenty page story. It's the longest piece of fiction I've ever written and features a very fictionalized version of my boyfriend's band. Having finished it, I'm excited to have others read it, but I'm also relieved to have it done.
My boyfriend is on the receiving end of most of my stress. We talk on the phone every night, with my side of the conversation this week focusing on due dates and story ideas, and his side being encouragement and jokes to distract me from my worries. He was there every step of the way of my frustration over this story. He knew what a big deal it is to me.
The problem is, he hasn't asked to read it yet.
Just as I was about to ask him if he would like to, I realized he's never asked to read anything I've written. I always have to be the one to say, "Do you want to read my story?" and he only ever responds with, "sure". I tried to drop hints about how I wanted him to read it, but he has yet to say he'd like to. Even when I do send him something I work on, he never comments.
Another issue is that I post most of my stories on a blog that has a tracking "device" on it that allows me to see the IP addresses and location of anyone who opens up the site. My boyfriend's IP has only come up a few times. My ex, however, appears almost every day. We don't speak anymore, but I sent him an email, asking if he was indeed clicking on it sometimes more than once a day. He emailed me back, admitting it was him, but he said wasn't trying to be creepy; he honestly missed and loved my writing. I do believe him. He was always interested in my assignments when we were dating and even after, he always asked me to send me things I was working on.
My boyfriend now doesn't seem to have an interest in what I do. I could use the excuse that I write fiction, and he rarely reads anything besides non-fiction, so what I do probably isn't his cup of tea. I don't know anything about philosophy, but I still ask him to tell me about what he's reading or writing himself. I feel like as my boyfriend, he should want to support my interest and probable career. Instead, I feel like he couldn't care less. Or maybe he hates my writing and is too scared to tell me, though I hope that's not the case.
Should I not be offended that he doesn't want to read my stories (even though my proudest one is partially about him)? Are significant others required to take an interest in your hobby or area of study?
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Comments (52)
My ex was the same. He never asked to come to my concerts, recitals, gigs, etc. It was happening constantly and he never wanted to go to one. I had to ask him if he wanted to go and only then would he say yes. It wore me down over time and REALLY hurt my feelings.
While I would love to have a boyfriend in the future who cares about the life I have away from him, I wouldn't count on it, and neither should you. Just imagine it this way... if he's really into something you aren't (or something you may even dislike) are you going to pretend for his sake? That wouldn't be any fun. I did that for my ex while he did nothing in return and it was not worth it. I wasted my time.
So in conclusion, enjoy what you write, and put it out there for the people who truly care and have interest. If it's not your boyfriend, that's his deal, and you shouldn't take it personally.
Ask him directly if he wants to read what you write, then ask him directly what he thinks about it.
And if he doesn't want to or really has no interest, don't be offended, just take it as the truth. At least he's not lying.
I agree with the commenter above me. Sometimes it is too much to ask someone to feign an interest in something they really don't.
This kid I knew used to send me his music all the time and I never had the courage to tell him I wasn't interested particularly because he wasn't that good...but I didn't want to be mean so I just lied to him. It's not worth it because he kept sending them to me... so one lie became multiple lies.
All you can do is try to get over it. I hate reading, maybe he does too.
I don't think you're required to feign interest in an SO's interests; as long as he remains willing to listen to you talk about it, I think that's ok. And like @landlockedeyes@xanga said, if you want his feedback, ask him directly.
I would be more concerned if he was unwilling to even listen to you speak about it or changed the subject every time it came up. From how you've described it though, it sounds like fiction just isn't his cup of tea. I wouldn't worry too much about it.
If it bothers you, just talk to him about it ("Hey boyfriend, sometimes i feel like you're not interested in XX because you never ask about it...")
I honestly don't think you should be offended. He seems very supportive of you, as you said. That may be the way he has of showing he cares about what you're doing. Instead of dropping hints (remember, guys aren't too great, typically, at picking them up), just tell him what you'd like. Tell him that you'd like to be asked about what you're writing, like you do for him. Let him know you want constructive feedback on your stories, even if it's just in email form. You know?
Chances are, he just handles things differently than you. So, yeah, I really don't think you should be offended. I just don't think he truly understands how much it means to you or what you want him to do about it. So, be more open and honest with him about it, you know? That may help. :)
Best wishes,
~*Akarui Mitsukai*~
@just_the_average_jane@xanga - Agreed. :)
i have someone that i love to read her work and encourage her to let me read it. it is what really drew me to her. some is great and some is not. i think that and SO should have some interest in what the other does. instead of asking us....ask him these same questions and then you can stop wondering and work on his answer.
btw...if ya want to share your writing with me i would love to read it.
Well, like you said earlier, he encourages you and tries to make you feel better even when you're stressed about your writing. In my experience, it's not pleasant at all to deal with stressed-out people. I mean, when I get stressed, all I do is complain and frustrate myself. So the fact that he can brave all that and still encourage you makes it seem like he does care about your aspirations. Wouldn't "not caring less," be more like he doesn't take the time to encourage you to go for what you want in your writing career?
As for not asking you if he can read your writing, I'm not sure if that's something to get worried about. There are a lot of explanations. Maybe he expects that you'll show it to him when you're done, or maybe he doesn't want to pressure you. If you're really worried about it, just ask him casually if he actually wants to read your writing, or if you're just forcing it on him.
Look at it this way. . . . .
Let's say your boyfriend totally re-built the engine in his car, and he did this all by himself, he spent weeks on it. It is one of his greatest accomplishments. He is beyond proud of this.
Once it is done, would you ask to see the motor of his car?
Chances are, you wouldn't, because one: it is not visually noticable to you that it is different, it's just a motor. And two: motors and cars most likely don't interest you, due to the fact that you don't have a knowledge of them.
Do you find it admirable that he built this motor by himself? Yes. But do you need to see it to be proud of him? No.
So, I am sure he knows you're writing is great, and is proud of your skills, but. . . . sometimes we have to look at it in a different perspective.
Yeah, my boyfriend is pretty much the same. He read my letters, but not as enthusiastically as I'd like. I used to write fanfiction a lot, and I'd want him to read it and he always said "okay" but ... I don't think he has. I also write in my xanga and ask him to, but he doesn't. I've come to accept it because he does read it when he realizes how angry I am about it. When he knows how passionate I am about something, he'll try to make an effort.
So just tell him that it means a lot to you and hopefully he'll start to read it. My boyfriend cares about words, but actions mean more to him. So it's different for everybody.
everyone has their own interest and why it's such a big deal if your SO is not interested in what you're interested in anyway, also it would be a bit to expect from your SO to have the same interest as you too.
Is it possible he just isn't a big reader?
If my boyfriend was a golf player, and I really wasn't a huge golf fan -- I wouldn't see myself rushing to go to his games, unless he specifically asked me too
BUT that being said - if he is a big reader and just doesn't seem interested in what you're writing, that's a different story
and I do believe that if you asked him to read and comment, he should
(just as if my bf was a huge golfer, and he asked me to go to his games, I would)
good luck xox :)
I think your writing is part of who you are, and he should show more interest in that part of you. Or, perhaps he is interested and in his mind he believes he is supporting your writing. Tell him what you feel - that you are trying to include him in this, and you don't feel he is interested in getting to know your writer self better.
I don't think you should be too offended, quite honestly. Maybe he's quite dense and doesn't get the hints - maybe he loathes reading to a certain extent. I remember asking my friend to read a story I had written - it was really frustrating cos for some reason, she couldn't receive the story and what not. By the time she did read it, the novelty wore off.
Basically, there's a fine line between not being interested in your writing, and not being supportive of it. If you're any good (and I don't doubt it), I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who are willing to read your work.
So don't fret! (:
my bf doesnt really care for me too...
Listen, your post sounds really selfish. Your bf is providing the encouragement and support you need. But it seems like you're also looking for a fan of your work in him.
I don't think you should be offended or upset in the least. I highly doubt he's attempting to bother you, hurt you, any of that. From the sounds of things he doesn't even realize that you're thinking the way that you are. You aren't being straight forward, from what I see.
You want his opinion? Ask for it. You trying to figure out if he's even barely interested in your writing? Ask him about it. You want him to read something? Ask him if he honestly wants to. Ask him if he goes through hell when he reads your stuff, or if he doesn't.
Some people aren't into reading, plain and simple. Other people are only interested in a certain genre, which you write in a genre he's NOT interested in - again, that's what I'm getting from this post. So, if he's not into your kind of writing, you can't blame him for not wanting to read it, even if he does.
Okay, let us say that he hates your writing. Let us say that he reads it just to make you happy. Or, better yet, that he doesn't read it and just says that he does. In this scenario, there's no room for offense. He's not a slave, it's not his duty to read your stuff. If he doesn't want to, he shouldn't have to, and you shouldn't want to shoot him due to that. If he was lying about reading it, he done it to make you happy and keep himself happy as well.
There's really no room for offense at all.
I wouldn't try to force it down his throat. I say let him be and you keep on doing you.
My gf never asks to see the programs i write, just get use to it.
@jweav23@xanga - Precisely.
i once dated a guy that was similar to your boyfriend and he basically didn't really care about the things i care about. it's hard to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't really give a crap about the small things your passionate about. i know people are different but if him reading your paper makes you smile, then that's what matters. maybe it's time to reconsider if he cares at all because you don't have to beg someone to care about the things you care about, they have to be willing to do it.
Let's get to the heart of the matter: He likes you and he's been a good boyfriend.
Wouldn't you much rather have someone with a sharper eye for writing mistakes to offer feedback? You wouldn't be able to get that from him.
Ask your Xanga friends to proof something, or even a friend at school.
@jweav23@xanga - LOL, are you kidding? I'd have to see that engine!
20 pages
double spaced or single?!? just kidding. maybe he is too busy checking his facebook and updating his twitter to care 