Saturday, 25 April 2009
-
I'm in Love with My Best Friend, But She's Dating a Wannabe
I'm in love with my best friend, but she is in a long distance relationship with another guy. I'm happy for her. I really am. I'm happy that she's happy. It's just hard for me because it's the first time I have felt deeply for anyone and truly cared for someone's happiness before my own. I don't like the guy much. I have seen his pictures, and he is a typical wannabe. You can figure it out by the company he keeps.We are in college and still have a year to go. We are together the whole day and are the closest of friends. That's what makes it worse for me. I really cant hide my feelings for her. She probably knows, but I haven't mentioned anything to her. Not yet.
I need to tell her about my feelings. I cant keep it bottled up inside me. The only thing I am scared of is what if we develop a sort of awkwardness? I don't want to lose the closeness I share with her. More often than not, this sort of revelation brings about some weird awkwardness.
I want her. Yes. I am selfish. But I want her. I know for a fact that I am a better man when I am with her. I am honest when I am with her. And the best part is I have changed for the better! She has changed me, without ever wanting to change me.
Have you ever been in this situation? Should I confront her with my feelings or wait it out in hopes that they break up?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: jeet361@xanga
- Name: Jeet
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 0 Views: 0 0 Comments: 0 0 View all posts by jeet361@xanga
Comments (41)
This is a tough situation. It's really hard to play the role of the good friend while also wanting to destroy her current relationship so that you can have her. I don't have to reprimand you and call you selfish. You already did that.
I would try to distance myself from her if I were you. I think the closeness you share with her is just compromising your integrity. You can't sincerely support her while also trying to sabotage what's important to her. And right now what is important to her is her relationship with this other guy. Distancing yourself from her will help you cushion that blow if she doesn't accept your feelings when you confess them..if you intend on doing so. But, I would encourage you to do what makes you happy and that is to really tell her how you feel. If you're really a good friend to her, you'll still stick around if she rejects you. But if it is too much to bare, you might have to sever the friendship to save yourself.
let her know. the quicker you find out, the less time you waste. what if she doesnt like you? then u can get over it quicker. or what if she does like you? then you can fall in love faster lol. good luck
I know I was in a somewhat similar situation. The guy i liked didn't have a girlfriend but me and him hang out quite a bit, albeit not all day. This is what I did, and it might turn out differently but you do say you are honest with her. I told him how I felt and he told me he was flattered and we were better off as friends. And yea I was hurt but I didn't lose him as a friend. I was able to work out my feelings knowing for certain that he didn't feel that way about me, rather than looking back and wondering, which just sucks.
You don't want to look back and have her be the one that got away. If she does not feel the same way, then you can work it out, it does not have to be awkward. But I do warn you, it will hurt for a bit but after time you'll come to appreciate having told her.
wow.. seems like you have a big decision to make. and maybe if you tell her she'll tell u she likes you.. but its better if you do tell her.
I say back away from her emotionally and try and detach yourself a bit, be who she is missing. That way you can be free to find another interest and once she is over with mr. wannabe you can try and jump back in.
He's a "wannabe?" Well what precisely does he want to be?
I think that depends on your intent. If you want to tell her just to have it out there, just so she's officially aware of your feelings, then go for it. It can't really hurt either of you, especially because you're best friends. Best friends don't change the way they act around one another because of things like this, even if it is a big deal. However, if you're hoping she'll break up with her boyfriend, then it's probably not a good idea, because you're - no offense - biased. She'll be torn, and there might just be a world of hurt ahead.
It's wonderful that you feel like a better person because of her. Does that mean you'll revert to your old self if she doesn't return the sentiments? I hope not, especially since you like yourself better this way.
Good luck!
You need to take risks if you want to date her. Stop being a pansy and do it or move on.
I'm curious how exactly he's a "wannabe" and that you know you're a better man than he is.
From the tone of your post, it sounds like a textbook case of just being jealous.
You don't like the guy much because he's dating someone who you want for yourself. That pretty much explains the name calling, right? But then again, put yourself in his shoes. He could call you a lot of names too if he saw a picture of you and/or find out that you are secretly falling for his girlfriend.
But anyhows, if I was in your situation, I would not let my best friend know that I have feelings for him while he's in another relationship with someone else. I mean, if I was the girlfriend, I wouldn't want my boyfriend's best friend to tell him that she has feelings for him. It's like a.. ticking bomb to explode.
What if she has feelings for you too? She'll leave the other guy for you. Would you want that? Maybe but it's not right. Or you may experience an awkwardness in your friendship. Or risk your friendship for it if both of you can't handle it. It's a tough decision.
But you are in charge of your actions. Do what's best of what you think. Have no regrets in life. Good luck.
If you're sure that you love and care about her (and I'm sure you are), then you should tell her. You two are supposed to best friends, so you should be able to tell her anything. If she backs away and doesn't want to be your friend anymore, maybe she wasn't the friend you thought she was. But don't confuse that with if she says she just needs some time to think. In the end, it's about respecting her feelings and her relationship, even if you don't like the guy she's dating. Good luck :)
I think maybe you should get out more - and I mean that in the most helpful way possible. What I mean is to create other friendships, pursue other interests, etc... And along the way, you could find someone better. I noticed that while you described your best friend's boyfriend (heh - wannabe), you didn't divulge much about her personality. Whether it's good or not, maybe you'll find someone even better - and without the extra hangups. (:
Or you could always wait for her. Maybe her and the wannabe are going to break up soon (long distance relationships aren't always handled well) and you can finally let her know. But don't put all your eggs in one basket. Get out there and do your thing. (:
I was your friend a year ago, my best friend wanted to be with me and I knew it but for the good of our friendship I never said a thing, I only see him as a friend still, like a brother, I regret that it was so selfish of me to run away instead of dealing with that, we don't talk anymore...I pushed him away, I really didn't want to break his heart...As for the guy living a thousand miles from me I still talk to him and he still has my heart.
I pushed him far, cause I didn't want to see him sad...but being honest let me tell you something even if its tough, your friend, she already knows you like her but she wont say a thing cause she iswas in the same situation I was.
if you tell her and things get awkward, then your friendship bonds weren't strong enough
There are risks to each scenario. If you are willing to take the gamble, then go for it and confess to her. But if I was you, I would wait till they break up because if you care for her happiness and she is in love with that guy, then you should not put her in a confusing situation.
GOD DAMN!!! This sounds too familiar...
Go for it. She will tire of the wannabe. However, that doesn't mean that she'll go for you. It's as Sakura said; if your friendship gets awkward; you two weren't friends long enough. If nothing happens, settle for the friend zone.
Was the 'wannabe' part really necessary? It seems like you judge him a lot based on a few pictures you've seen. I'm sorry to mention it, but it seems like you have a personal bias against him.
You mentioned you were happy she's happy. Then you can do one of two things.
1) Tell her your feelings and risk your friendship and maybe even her current happiness. But this one also reaps the biggest rewards.
2) Move on with your life. If you mentioned she's content in her relationship, then let her be. You don't want to ruin her happiness..
But definitely don't wait for them to break up! You'd just be torturing yourself.. and its stupid to wait for someone to break up.. if you stay by her side until they break up, she might never see as more than a friend. I don't know, its fair game.
"Love
is always patient and kind; love is never jealous; love is not boastful
or conceited, it is never rude and never seeks its own advantage, it
does not take offence or store up grievances. Love does not rejoice at
wrongdoing, but finds its joy in the truth. It is always ready to make
allowances, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes..."
girls are pretty observant and know those things...so she prob knows u like her...u have to think why are u guys just friends if there's feelings there? y isn't she dating you already?
Okay.. I have been in the same seat u are setting in.. Yes it is hard, and here is what I did.
I told my best friend .. that I liked her and she turned me down.. With "I think we are better as friends." ... We stayed friends .. she knew and I finaly got over it and relized that I didnt like her that much...
Oh and dont distance your self from her.. it will make the friendship harder..
My friendship ended.. dont let urs end.. its the worse thing in the world to lose a friend.
@MissJuli@xanga - hahaha jokes.
Relationships will either end in marriage or breaking up.
Friendships can last a lifetime. Think about it.
Invite her to read this particular post and be brave to face the consequences after she read this post!
Looks like you are kind of screwed, if she doesn't want you. It's always a breeze when you like the woman friend, but she doesn't like you. Take it from a guy who has been there before: the friendship is screwed, if she doesn't eventually try you out. Meanwhile, start thinking of some annoying qualities about her, if she says no.
messed up!
no matter whatever her boyfriend is like CHU NOT SUPPOSE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND.unless you dont give a damn bout losing this friend otherwise..anyways,i think chu know whatta do betta than anyone of use here knows.you're in the picture the character.just play your roleBEST WISHES
TOUCH DOWN! 6 POINTS! Welcome to the "Friend-zone" my friend, not much you can do about it, and when you do finally tell her how deeply in love with her you are, she will most likely respond with the usual, " OMG i love you too, I feel like i could tell you anything, you will always have a place in my life and my heart, your like a brother to me!"
and assuming your not in WVA then your not getting any.
ps: the guys a wannabe becuase you saw his pics? your fat cuase i read your post.