Saturday, 25 April 2009
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No One Will Accept Us Because He's Immature
There is this guy in school. He is 2 years and 3 months younger than me (he is now 20), but he acts and talks like a kid. That is his charm. He's really fun to hang out with, and we share the same interests. We are both childish, but he is more immature than I am. He asked me out on a date, and I think I am starting to like him. My mom knows that I talk to him a lot, and she judges him because of his nationality. She is a racist to some degree. She never likes the guy/boyfriends that I have ever had. A common friend of that guy and me said mean stuff when I told her what's happening between us. No one is actually supportive of us, and I feel alone.
How do I overcome people judging our relationship because of his immaturity and our different ethnicities?
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- From: ebelyn_chan
- Name: Ev3lyn
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Comments (23)
When those people start dating him for you, then they'll matter. Until then just ignore them. You can't really make people support you.
I have the same kind of issue. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 8 months, and I'm very happy with him. He's half black and my family doesn't really like that. But I know that I am happy with him, and how we bring out the inner kid in him. I have told my family that I really love him, and they can either accept it or not, I'm still going to date him. I'm still going to be with him, and he isn't going anywhere, like it or not.
Expand on the childish part. Does he have fun, childlike qualities, or does he act like he's still in middle school?
There are parents out who are still immature themselves, like those narrow-minded racists.
Your different ethnicity shouldn't be part of a problem point blank. So you can tell your mom to fuck off about that.
But learn the difference between acting like a kid and being immature/childish. The latter is something that should be unattractive in the opposite sex.
If he is immature...eeeeh....
run away & get married! do it tonight!
It sounds horrible of me to say, but you might want to take a step back and wonder if your friends and family are right. Their danger-radar must be going off for some reason. If you still can't figure out what it is, and if you know you can handle the immaturity, then tell your friends and family so. It's your life, so you get to make your own decisions. They could be wrong about the guy, but then again, they're only looking out for you =]. Good luck!
Your family is probably just concerned about what is best for you (although the racism is really inexcusable). They don't want you to end up with somebody that might flake out on you and not be a contributing member of a marriage, you know? But I agree with mycontinuity. If someone is immature, that's not fun when it comes time to put the bigboy pants on and keep a job. But if they have a childlike quality (trusting, eager to please, imaginative, likes to have fun, etc.) and enjoys silly things like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, that can be endearing. Is it something that is valued in his culture? --that could also be a factor.
Try to look it at from your family's and friends' perspective and see if their view makes sense. I personally don't prefer people that act significantly younger than their age, but if that's what you really like, then it doesn't matter if the people around you don't approve. If it was for a more serious reason, such as him being part of a street gang, that might be a more serious problem.
This is tough. On one hand, it's best to pursue a serious relationship with someone that's accepted by everyone - especially the parents. It makes for something more healthy and ideal.
On the other hand, you probably have no definite idea (although one may be blooming in your head) as to what will happen in the future. This could be a casual fling or the start of something more.
I say go for it, if the only thing that's holding you back are a few bitter people and your mother's racist mouth. And about that - if you're part of an ultra-traditional background (like if you're from India or Pakistan - Jesus Christ), then you might want to avoid this altogether.
Best of luck (:
Ignore them because you're not dating them. The more you listen to them, the more it'll bring your thoughts about him down.
nothing to do with them..as long as you like him!
I think your family and friends have valid view points, especially when we don't want to hear them. There's probably miscommunication going on all over the place.
If the issue is maturity - then the only question that really matters is whether you both feel you're mature enough to have a relationship with each other. I don't see how their approval is relevant.
You're never going to change his ethnicity, and neither is anyone else. It's something that can only be accepted.
@StrawberriesMimi@xanga - I LOVE that Dr. Seuss quote! :) i have it on the white board in my room and I read it every chance I get.
My parents and friends used to tease me about having a not-so-good looking boyfriend, so I dumped him. Then when I realized how much I'd hurt both of us, I regretted listening to everyone else. Now I'm boyfriend-less, and I let go of a really great guy.
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This sounds like more of a race issue than a maturity one. (By the way, if immaturity is his charm then he probably isn't immature, just playful and silly. Most adults who take life too seriously see that as immaturity though.)Other people will continue to voice their opinions about it whether you like it or not. If you like him enough to deal with that then go ahead and date him.
I'm also in an interracial relationship...my boyfriend is black and I'm half european and half north african. His parents (not even mine!) had a problem with it at the beginning but as they got to know me better they got more comfortable with the idea that I'm not like "most white girls" and they actually like me now. I say do what you want, let it play out and see what happens. If you like each other that's all that matters, I think.
so young, so much to learn..
you really shouldn't care about what other people think. it's always easier to judge than to understand.
if you really like this guy, i say "go for it!"