Miss Alligator
I've been in what I'd call a serious relationship for almost 7 months with a guy I couldn't be happier with. Now with that said, here's the story:
I was in my English class and my professor split the class up into small groups. We were doing peer reviews of the essays we're supposed to be working on. My group finished editing everyone's papers before the other groups, so we all sat around awkwardly, not really knowing what to do with ourselves. One of the guys in the group was sort of quiet, so I figured I'd talk to him and pass the time. We talked about our papers, and somehow the conversation shifted to the topic of Washington, D.C. He told me he'd been there over the weekend, so I asked him about some of the things he did, because I'm very familiar with the area - it's a short subway (although we call it the metro) ride from my house.
Anyway, we talked about that for a while and it was all fine. Here's where it gets iffy.
Toward the end of the conversation, he mentioned how much he had enjoyed visiting D.C. and how he really hopes to make it back there this summer. I was, like, "Oh, well if you ever find yourself in (insert town in which I live), you should come find me!" *insert flirtatious smile*
As soon as those words left my mouth and the smile was gone from my face, I felt sick to my stomach. What had I just done? Was that flirting? I've been trying to convince myself that it was nothing and that the guy probably thought the same. But I still feel really bad about it. Was this just harmless flirting? Is there such a thing? What do you make of all this?
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Comments (50)
i guess if you feel like you did something wrong, then to you, it was flirting.
honestly, i wouldn't call it that. just a friendly invitation to hangout if hes ever in the area : )all good in my books.it was a big deal to you, so obviously it was. If i did that I wouldn't really think of it that way but you are so maybe even subcontiously you were flirtingÂ
I don't think that's flirting. You wouldn't feel awkward if you said it to a girl, would you? I joke around with and tease a lot of my guy friends and although the jokes usually have some sort of sexual undertone, they know I'm not actually interested in dating them so it's harmless.
I think it's really up to you, because really, the definition of flirting is a really personal thing.
If you knew at that moment that you were flirting that what you did was 100% wrong whether it was intentional or subconscious flirting doesn't matter.
Flirting is flirting no matter if one thinks it's "harmless" or not, one of the two or one of their partners might not think it's innocent. You should only flirt when interested and I believe that subconscious flirting is done with interest we just aren't admitting to ourselves an interest in the other person.
I don't really believe in the concept of "innocent flirting" as on some level there is an interest in the person.
like the first person said, if it felt wrong to you, then so be it.
i don't know, if i were the guy i'd think what you said was pretty hot.
I'd like to think that everyone says that as a sort of polite mechanism in conversation. Sort of like people say, "keep in touch" or "give me a call sometime". We say it but don't really mean for them to follow through.
I wouldn't count that as flirting. But you obviously do, since you feel bad about it.
I don't see this as a big deal... I think you were justing being polite... However, if you think you were flirting,maybe you were...I wouldn't worry about it, but I would be more careful next time, so as to not make yourself feel this way again...
Really not a big deal...unless you guys are thirteen or something. I'm sure most of my friends would say something like that if the topic came up but they wouldn't take what they said too seriously. That's just something natural people say.
Actually, sometimes some people won't know that it shouldn't be taken seriously, and things get awkward because of that.
Guy: Man I'm always so tired after we finish working out...are you?
Girl: Yeah a little. We should like, give each other massages loll.
then over the next few days, the guy keeps being creepy by pushing for the massage to actually happen.
Even if you were flirting, that wasn't a big deal. It's more of a, "Hey, if you're in town, give me a call!" It's unplanned and it's more of a throw it out there kind of invitation.
You said yourself that you gave him a flirtacious smile, so I guess? It's different to everybody. Some girls are naturally friendly, so it's their nature. And besides, you said it as a way to break the silence. And what are the chances you do see him?
And if you feel so guilty right now, then if he does contact you, you know not to meet him / flirt.
If you feel like you did something wrong, it might have been done with flirtatious intention (I can't speak for how you intended it)... judging on your smile and the way you felt, possibly.
I don't think that sentence in itself is wrong if you were just making conversation or being friendly (or example, ask yourself if you would have acted and said the same things with a girl).
Either way one harmless thing, a slip, is no big deal... there's a line between flirting and trying to be friendly (especially to break the ice). Don't sweat it.
It all depends how you meant it. For example, I said a similar thing to a guy friend of mine awhile ago but I'm totally not at all interested in him or poke fun teasingly at my guy friends... but that's how I act with my girlfriends too
It's not like you gave him your personal information, right? I agree with the person above who said it was a polite conversation mechanism. No big deal.
if you think you were flirting, then yeah. its only flirting if you think the person is cute, and you want to them to like you because you are interested in them. you know?
i think what you did was harmless, but if you had other intentions by saying that he should find you some time, then yeah. you were soo flirting.
i call it friendly conversation.
Well, look at your own words. You said you smiled in a flirty way. Then you said that you automatically felt bad about it. I think you know that it was flirting as well as anybody else.
Yet, it was harmless flirting. Some people do have the power to turn their flirting switch off, but not all. It's not a bad thing, because most of the time - as in your situation - it's such a harmless flirt that it seems more like a friendly gesture. Unless you were winking at him and grabbing him, I'd say it's harmless and absolutely nothing to worry about.
Least There Was No Wink...
That's not what I could classify as flirting. If you had said something more like, "Oh, let me know! We can go out and get into a bit of trouble" and throw in a wink, yeah, that's flirting. But you just invited him to stop by and say hello. What you said sounds more like "Look me up, and we'll go for coffee." Nothing serious. Nothing life threatening. Hell, bring your boyfriend along.
It can or doesn't have to be a flirting phrase. But whatever it was, it's over. Just don't do it again if you felt uncomfortable and silly because you have a loving boyfriend.
Maybe slight flirting, but nothing detrimental that could potentially harm your relationship or anything at all. I wouldn't be worried about it.
I don't think you were necessarily flirting with him, you were just suggesting some hangout time if he's ever in town, that's all :)
You're just being friendly, that's all to it. At least, that's from my point of view.
it depends on how you feel about it. not what anyone else says or thinks you should feel about it. If YOU feel bad about it correct the situation
naw, it's fine, and i live about a 10 minute walk from the metro, too! maybe we're long lost neighbors. haha